Synergy
Free Verse - read notes first30 total reviews
Comment from Lena Borghi
This is very creative, Leslie. The words in color and the two color read gives the piece an undertone that creates a certain intricacy, a peering into the writer's thoughts as we try to capture the message
The structure is quite effective and the incidental rhymes give the piece musicality within its staccato meter. Great message in this well written survey of the writers' processes and muses (at least that's what I took from it). Love the free structure.
Well, well done!
Lena
P.S. I have no more time today, but I'll be back to read more and check out your other sites. Good stuff!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016
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This is very creative, Leslie. The words in color and the two color read gives the piece an undertone that creates a certain intricacy, a peering into the writer's thoughts as we try to capture the message
The structure is quite effective and the incidental rhymes give the piece musicality within its staccato meter. Great message in this well written survey of the writers' processes and muses (at least that's what I took from it). Love the free structure.
Well, well done!
Lena
P.S. I have no more time today, but I'll be back to read more and check out your other sites. Good stuff!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2016
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Thanks, Lena. Sorry I have been off of FanStory for a long while now. Not sure when I'll be getting back but I'm keeping the membership.
Comment from RGstar
Loved this. Expressive, innovative and cryptic.Cryptic but the red thread kept throughout. This creative writing where the mind is told to work; the result? beautifully constructed with the extra tone and emphasis on the highlighted colours; choices of words. I like the way the poem attacks from the outset, setting the scene for its aura and poetic ambiance.
I have only five stars, but I advise you to keep writing for you are a writer...indeed.
Best wishes, Leslie.
RGstar
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Loved this. Expressive, innovative and cryptic.Cryptic but the red thread kept throughout. This creative writing where the mind is told to work; the result? beautifully constructed with the extra tone and emphasis on the highlighted colours; choices of words. I like the way the poem attacks from the outset, setting the scene for its aura and poetic ambiance.
I have only five stars, but I advise you to keep writing for you are a writer...indeed.
Best wishes, Leslie.
RGstar
Comment Written 21-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2015
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Thank you RG for this excellent review and analysis. Your comment that I am a writer, indeed, is greatly appreciated coming from someone as talented as you. I can safely state this is the best review I have had to date since joining the site in July 2015.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements beautifully. You managed to create a wonderfully free flowing verse filled with genuine emotion and powerful imagery. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2015
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This meets the contest requirements beautifully. You managed to create a wonderfully free flowing verse filled with genuine emotion and powerful imagery. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2015
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Thank you Mystic Angel - I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from artemis53
I had to read this twice. Your beginning was forceful and seemed to hold so much anger that it travelled down the page. I came back and read it and what a changy in perspective. Yes. The two make a larger sum of what the individuals add up to singly...a metamorphosis.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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I had to read this twice. Your beginning was forceful and seemed to hold so much anger that it travelled down the page. I came back and read it and what a changy in perspective. Yes. The two make a larger sum of what the individuals add up to singly...a metamorphosis.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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I didn't mean for this to be overly angry. I was trying to show some of the negative things that happen on a poetry site and contrast it with the poetry of the poet who lifts my spirit and inspires me. This actually was inspired by a poet (not my boyfriend or lover) and was my response to a poem he posted. I'm glad you gave it a second reading.
Comment from ~Dovey
I really like the way this piece just flowed right down the page, Leslie. Your concepts and continuity give this poem exactly what the title implies, synergy. Though it is free verse, your use of internal rhyme and word pairing is exquisite. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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I really like the way this piece just flowed right down the page, Leslie. Your concepts and continuity give this poem exactly what the title implies, synergy. Though it is free verse, your use of internal rhyme and word pairing is exquisite. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Thank you Dovey for the excellent review and kind words.
Comment from visionary1234
"Aloha" Leslie - sorry I didn't respond to your message before now! Yes! I LOVE pieces that are written to be performed! This piece is gorgeous! Would be fun to see more internal rhyming/assonance (think 'rap') to really make it take off! Bravo! Well done! (We should perform this one TOGETHER!)
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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"Aloha" Leslie - sorry I didn't respond to your message before now! Yes! I LOVE pieces that are written to be performed! This piece is gorgeous! Would be fun to see more internal rhyming/assonance (think 'rap') to really make it take off! Bravo! Well done! (We should perform this one TOGETHER!)
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Hi Sharyn, This was first ever free verse like tis with the end rhymes and lines flowing as in stream of thought I wrote it in 2008 while on poets.com in response to another poets poem. Great when inspired like that and cross writing with someone - Think synergism. Your so right - this would be great performed by 2 people together. That would make it so much more alive and interactive - again, more than the sum of the parts. You have my permission to do it if you care to as long as I'm credited, and if you did , I'd love o hear/see it. I have not really listened to much rap - probably should have. I liked some poetry jam - don't have a good radio, so static etc. Allot of rap is brilliant poetry but some just put me of with the vulgarities. Seriously, I'd love to hear it if you read/recorded it. It would be even better if done with a partner. Good to hear from you. Glad for the feedback and support. Is aloha used for goodbye also like see you again?
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"Aloha" is used for both 'hello' and 'goodbye' Leslie, yes! I think people forget that poetry is MEANT for the ear, so the more you play with the 'music' within the words, the better. If you have the time/ inclination, pop back into my portfolio and read "Pull Up a Blue Chair" ... I think I was exposed to way too much of my son's rap music, but I really got to 'hear' the assonance which rapper use as 'rhyme' so effectively. And of COURSE I'd credit you if I ever used your piece and of COURSE I'd record it for you - that's my 'thing', right???
Big synergistic smiles!
:)S
Comment from I am Cat
Hi Leslie,
I like this poem... and I like, especially the way it's laid out... without boundaries...
I think, (that for a lot of people) the hyphens won't work, but I see what you were doing. I'm not sure if you know how to use the Advanced Editor on the site? Looks like you do, because you've made some fonts bigger... that being said, perhaps instead of hypens, it would also work to make the K in knight, larger, bold and possibly in a different color as well. Same with the st in stinks... OR, the emphasize the last part of the word (which actually makes a bit more sense... perhaps bold 'night' and 'inks' instead? and/or make them a different font color.
Being as how you already have your own sites, I will assume you know how to work the advanced editor and so I won't insult you by attempting to tell you... just know, that if you don't, I'm always willing to help. I find the coding here very different from when I had my own site... and so I had to muddle through for quite some time.
That being said... The definition for synergy that you have, while true... I find that I like the one you'll find further down the dictionary...
Synergy: the interaction of elements that when combined produce a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual elements, contributions, etc., synergism.
Or... quite simply: The whole is worth more than the sum of its individual parts. ;)
(just explain to people... car parts are worth quite a bit to junk them off, but if it's transportation you're needing, then the synergy of the parts working together to create the entire working car, is much more valuable. ) ;)
I like the word, and I use it often... so I run into this.
I also love writing free verse, and so I understand you've most likely run into some walls with this one. don't be put off... It's a GREAT poem, ok?
Also... if you haven't gone into advanced settings and stopped standard members from reviewing your work (read: non writers), then you should.
When you post a piece, just go to Advanced options (to the right of SAVE)click it....
scroll down to "Allow non-writers to review my work", click NO.
Check it for several poems, eventually the site will 'learn' that you don't want this...
While some standard members are fine, some are just out to troll the site. You can tell whether or not they are 'cutting their teeth' on your work. lol
No reason you have to be a guinea pig. If you post on the front page, you'll open yourself up to all kind of things. ;)
Hugs... (I visited your site, by the way... a really nice job you've done) I haven't looked at the peace poem one yet, but I did visit the one you asked me to sign the guest book, which I did.
Love and laughter to you
Cat
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Hi Leslie,
I like this poem... and I like, especially the way it's laid out... without boundaries...
I think, (that for a lot of people) the hyphens won't work, but I see what you were doing. I'm not sure if you know how to use the Advanced Editor on the site? Looks like you do, because you've made some fonts bigger... that being said, perhaps instead of hypens, it would also work to make the K in knight, larger, bold and possibly in a different color as well. Same with the st in stinks... OR, the emphasize the last part of the word (which actually makes a bit more sense... perhaps bold 'night' and 'inks' instead? and/or make them a different font color.
Being as how you already have your own sites, I will assume you know how to work the advanced editor and so I won't insult you by attempting to tell you... just know, that if you don't, I'm always willing to help. I find the coding here very different from when I had my own site... and so I had to muddle through for quite some time.
That being said... The definition for synergy that you have, while true... I find that I like the one you'll find further down the dictionary...
Synergy: the interaction of elements that when combined produce a total effect that is greater than the sum of the individual elements, contributions, etc., synergism.
Or... quite simply: The whole is worth more than the sum of its individual parts. ;)
(just explain to people... car parts are worth quite a bit to junk them off, but if it's transportation you're needing, then the synergy of the parts working together to create the entire working car, is much more valuable. ) ;)
I like the word, and I use it often... so I run into this.
I also love writing free verse, and so I understand you've most likely run into some walls with this one. don't be put off... It's a GREAT poem, ok?
Also... if you haven't gone into advanced settings and stopped standard members from reviewing your work (read: non writers), then you should.
When you post a piece, just go to Advanced options (to the right of SAVE)click it....
scroll down to "Allow non-writers to review my work", click NO.
Check it for several poems, eventually the site will 'learn' that you don't want this...
While some standard members are fine, some are just out to troll the site. You can tell whether or not they are 'cutting their teeth' on your work. lol
No reason you have to be a guinea pig. If you post on the front page, you'll open yourself up to all kind of things. ;)
Hugs... (I visited your site, by the way... a really nice job you've done) I haven't looked at the peace poem one yet, but I did visit the one you asked me to sign the guest book, which I did.
Love and laughter to you
Cat
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Hi Cat, Wow, thanks for all this good feedback - so glad you cared and took the time to make some very good points. First, I used Merriam Webster dictionary for the definition of synergy and that was the only one they had. Of course, I meant it is meant in the sense you said, so I looked at others and found Dictionary.com did have the second meaning, so I changed it. (might need to simplify it later.) Second - that is a GREAT suggestion about not using hyphens (that's how I wrote it originally in 2008, as response to another poet's post on poets.com). Different sizes, bold or colors would work way better and easier for people to understand. I'll have to make a coy and work on changing that. Thanks for the suggestion on how to turn off non readers. I have gotten 5 2-3 star reviews - all of them from non writers or they just posted 1-2 poems. I had contacted Tom about tis - all he said was after 10 reviews they wouldn't count or mute them if unfair. I suggested it shouldn't be allowed by non writers. He never said there was an option. It happened on Dancing with the Stars and showed a downgraded rating to all but now that more reviews it's backup to 5 stars. Thanks for visiting the White Dove site. I have never promoted it - in fact not really finished. I had no working computer for almost a year and just let it go. Never the less, it has ranked #1/12,000,000 under the term white dove on BING (and Yahoo, I think) and I enjoy seeing where the visitors are from on the interactive map. I also made 12 videos, 2 of which are on the site. The other one, is also#1/12,000,000. It was made around 2008. The poems are rather simplistic. IA goal I have now is to turn to actual activism raising money for relevant charities. I have some ideas on how to do it and domains saved but logistics and money on start up and trademarks, etc. for non-profit need to be done first. I'm very grateful for your help and feedback - you are way more experienced here and a great poet. I will pm any other concerns.
Comment from wordspinner314
This poem has a lot of energy. I can easily see it being read at a poetry reading. It flows like lyrics, like music; the words almost feel as if they have a life of their own. You should do well in the contest. Good luck!
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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This poem has a lot of energy. I can easily see it being read at a poetry reading. It flows like lyrics, like music; the words almost feel as if they have a life of their own. You should do well in the contest. Good luck!
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Thanks, wordspinner - glad you felt it.
Comment from chasennov
Free Verse contest entry "Synergy" A good poem you have created here. I enjoyed the read and found the love message powerful enough. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Free Verse contest entry "Synergy" A good poem you have created here. I enjoyed the read and found the love message powerful enough. Well done.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Thanks, chasennov for the good review. Glad you liked it.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Pantygynt
Quite a comment on synergy this. I feel the keys to it all are here,
Hearts unite as one.
Lovers' fun,
Begun.
and here,
The poetic mind of you and me.
Not I but we!
The "we" implies the synergy.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Quite a comment on synergy this. I feel the keys to it all are here,
Hearts unite as one.
Lovers' fun,
Begun.
and here,
The poetic mind of you and me.
Not I but we!
The "we" implies the synergy.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2015
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Thank you Pantygynt for the insightful review and analysis The lines you chose were pivotal (two poets can fall in love through their poetry) and the final line I agree is a summary of synergy.
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Oh I know, I know, I know too well.
