Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

Thank you for more about the history and geography of Minnesota. Also, that's quite a name for a form--even as a French teacher, I had never heard of it! Regardless, I admired the result--a mood of solitude--and I enjoyed your rhymes and another dog tale. Cheers and happy Sunday- Joan

 Comment Written 11-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Oct-2015

Thank you Joan. We seem to be in the dog days of summer.

reply by Joan E. on 11-Oct-2015

Ha, ha--very clever! Only all too true in Southern California--it's 88 degrees in our condo on the Pacific--over 100 in land. Hopefully, this is our final heatwave of the year. Stay cool- Joan

Comment from Preston McWhorter

Excellent

Hi, Treischel,
"Our Quiet Beach" is an excellent rendition of an unusual and complicated form in English from what was originally a French language form. Its rhyme and meter are good. Its figurative language is unusual and descriptive; "pullin' to go to and fro" In some instances the sentence structure is forced ("a walking I go") to allow for a rhyme while not incorrect I believe that it is enough along with the use of contractions to deny six stars .
Your friend and colleague,
Preston
Preston

 Comment Written 11-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Oct-2015

Thank you Preston. Very astute assessment, that I wouldn't quibble with at all.

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

My goodness, Tom! What will you come up with next. This is an attractive little form. The anapestic meter makes it sound a bit like a limerick at first and it is probably best suited to the lighter side of life. I don't think it would be the right form to in which to write of the Sea Wing disaster somehow.

 Comment Written 11-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Oct-2015

Thank you Pantygynt. No I'd need something along the lines of the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.

Comment from rod007

Excellent

I'd love to go on that energetic walk which in your poem becomes so alluring and enticing. In my case I'd take my fishing rod with me to see if I could hook some big ones. Well done, Tom.

 Comment Written 11-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 11-Oct-2015

Thank you , I bet you'd catch one too.

Comment from harmony13

Excellent

Excellent Poem! The poem flows and connects well. The author describes the walk along the river well. The words of this poem are creative and clear. The artwork compliments the theme well. Thank you for the author's notes it was interesting to learn about the history of the lake and the poetic form of this poem.

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 10-Oct-2015

Thank you Harmony. I am glad "you liked it.

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

I enjoyed this reads very much and thanks for your notes explaining the format. Your photo is lovely. May your weekend be blessed, Patricia

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 10-Oct-2015

Thank you so much Patricia.

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

1.) Concerned about your title. Do you mean 'quiet'? And there is an extra 'a' floating about.

2.) the Virelai:
--> here's what my book says:
--> an elaborate form that is so natural is often appears without the author's consciousness.
--> a classic model:

Thou cruel fair, I go
To seek out any fate but thee,
Since there is none can wound me so,
Noe that has half thy cruelty;
Thou cruel fair, I go.

Forever, then, farewell,
"Tis a long leave I take, but oh!
To tarry with thee here is hell,
And twenty thousand hells to go;
Forever, then, farewell.

-- Charles Cotton (17th century)

* I did enjoy yours!

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 10-Oct-2015

Thank you Robyn for the example. That is the standard Virelai, but this is The Ancien variation. Which is different. Although I might try the primary format too, a bit later. Him, that one had an ababa cdcdc rhyme scheme. Interesting thanks for researching it. Yes, that was an errant a in the title.

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

Is "aBeach" supposed to be "beach"? Well written poem about an enjoyable outing with your puppy. Notes informative also.

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 10-Oct-2015

Thank you Brett. Yes. Appreciate the comments and review.

Comment from Sis Cat

Excellent

What a wonderful poem and memory. I feel the joy and solitude of your walk with your dog along this beach. I have never encountered a Virelai Ancien poem before and I am intrigued. I enjoyed your structure and rhymes but most of all I enjoy your recollections of your morning walks. I love such solitary places. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 10-Oct-2015

Thank you Sis Cat. It is great to get outdoors, I dog will do that for you.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A perfect well flowing poem, a walk on the beach with a dog early in the morning with very little people around, it can only be a lovely stroll. Beautiful photo once again. On your title. Don't you mean quiet?

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 10-Oct-2015

---

reply by the author on 10-Oct-2015

Thank you Sandra. Yes, fixed it. Appreciate the catch.