The Conjurer, Part Two
Fata Morgana39 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
I remember parts of this story from class, but I think you've added to it and polished it since then. I actually got chills reading it. You weave the present and the flashback together seamlessly.
The Shaman is impressive. Dr. Morales is going to be learning a lot mor and in a different way that he expected. He may be educate, but he is going to get an education.
I like the personification of the wind and the wonderful words of warning:
"Do not waste this opportunity, Doctor Morales. The wind has invited you into her world--a rare and beautiful omen. She will teach you the fate of man is to transcend death by embracing it."
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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I remember parts of this story from class, but I think you've added to it and polished it since then. I actually got chills reading it. You weave the present and the flashback together seamlessly.
The Shaman is impressive. Dr. Morales is going to be learning a lot mor and in a different way that he expected. He may be educate, but he is going to get an education.
I like the personification of the wind and the wonderful words of warning:
"Do not waste this opportunity, Doctor Morales. The wind has invited you into her world--a rare and beautiful omen. She will teach you the fate of man is to transcend death by embracing it."
Comment Written 17-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2015
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Hi, Debi. Thank you, my friend, for your generosity and encouragement. I appreciate you noticing that I was able to take Stacia's advice and make the chapter stronger. A reviewer said that she didn't recognize me as the writer based on my past writing. I think that's a compliment LoL.
:) Bev
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
Wow, this is excellent! Your characters and visuals bring the reader immediately into the story. I could feel and see the shock in Stefano returning home to discover the demolition of the trees. You set this up so well, prior to the flashback, giving an amazing visual of the connection he felt with nature. Meeting the Shaman, again, so well shown, and such a strong powerful character who holds such mystery.
Awesome chapter!
Bye, my friend!
Hugs
Rosalyne:)
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2015
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Hi, Bev.
Wow, this is excellent! Your characters and visuals bring the reader immediately into the story. I could feel and see the shock in Stefano returning home to discover the demolition of the trees. You set this up so well, prior to the flashback, giving an amazing visual of the connection he felt with nature. Meeting the Shaman, again, so well shown, and such a strong powerful character who holds such mystery.
Awesome chapter!
Bye, my friend!
Hugs
Rosalyne:)
Comment Written 08-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2015
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Aw, thanks so much, Rosalyne. I really appreciate this most gracious and encouraging review. I'm hoping to get another part to this story out next week. I'm travelling the next four days, so may have to miss our chat if it happens over the weekend.
You are always so unfailingly supportive and kind, and and I appreciate that so much.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Mai Mai
This is an interesting piece. It flows nicely and is well written. The shaman is a curious character that I'm sure will ignite the story. Good job and good luck.
Mai Mai
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
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This is an interesting piece. It flows nicely and is well written. The shaman is a curious character that I'm sure will ignite the story. Good job and good luck.
Mai Mai
Comment Written 05-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
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Thank you for your very gracious review, Mai Mai. I appreciate you taking time to read the post.
:) Bev
Comment from Shirley McLain
Intriguing story. I'm wondering what the Shaman has in mind. He seems like a straight forward kind of guy. I did not see any spag. Great job. Shirley
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
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Intriguing story. I'm wondering what the Shaman has in mind. He seems like a straight forward kind of guy. I did not see any spag. Great job. Shirley
Comment Written 05-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2015
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Hi, Shirley. Thank you very much for taking time to read this post and for your excellent review.
:) Bev
Comment from IndianaIrish
First of all, Bev, congratulations on having Part One selected for story of he month contest. You continue the story with great dialogue and character and story development. You have me hooked and look forward to three!
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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First of all, Bev, congratulations on having Part One selected for story of he month contest. You continue the story with great dialogue and character and story development. You have me hooked and look forward to three!
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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Hi, Karyn. Thank you very much for your gracious review. I was quite surprised by the nomination. It's always an honor to be in the company of such good writers as Lee and Ingrid.
I'm glad you're wanting to read more because I have quite a lot more planned for Doctor Morales.
Have a great week!
:) Bev
Comment from Janet Foor
I really enjoyed reading "The Conjurer". It kept my attention from beginning to end. I have not read part 1 and yet was still able to keep up with the story. Your vivid description and attention to detail are supurb and carry the reader through the well crafted story. The father / son relationship is contentious and believable. Much resentment from the son sounds like there may be further confrontations.
Well done
Janet.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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I really enjoyed reading "The Conjurer". It kept my attention from beginning to end. I have not read part 1 and yet was still able to keep up with the story. Your vivid description and attention to detail are supurb and carry the reader through the well crafted story. The father / son relationship is contentious and believable. Much resentment from the son sounds like there may be further confrontations.
Well done
Janet.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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Hi, Janet. Thank you so very much for taking time to read my post. I'm glad it wasn't confusing to pick up with Part Two. A friend of mine pointed out that Stephen King repeats things often to keep the readers aware of the scope of the story, so that was my intention as well.
I really appreciate your very kind and generous review. Your insight on the father and son relationship jibes with my observations. Lots more coming for the good Doctor.
:) Bev
Comment from keimosobie
we faced each like two gladiators (did you want to say each other like two gladiators?) I have a bunch of trees to that I cant cut down but they are a lot of work. There was a place in a nursing home that i worked in once temporarily and it had a lot of familiar smells. I mentioned it to a patient and she said you noticed that too. Yes I believe some places can be more connected to the other side. I like your writting its very good. Thank you.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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we faced each like two gladiators (did you want to say each other like two gladiators?) I have a bunch of trees to that I cant cut down but they are a lot of work. There was a place in a nursing home that i worked in once temporarily and it had a lot of familiar smells. I mentioned it to a patient and she said you noticed that too. Yes I believe some places can be more connected to the other side. I like your writting its very good. Thank you.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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Hi, keimosobie. Thank you for taking time to read my post. And I very much appreciate your insights and suggestions as well as your generosity. I'm glad you liked the writing--it's nice to know that others believe there are portals to other dimensions! Much more to come...
:) Bev
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Writingfundimension,
Coming into the story midpoint I think. Good dialogues, and I managed to pick up the relationship strains, plus some of the character traits of the protagonists.
Nice writing, I haven't spotted any typos either.
Patrick
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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Hi Writingfundimension,
Coming into the story midpoint I think. Good dialogues, and I managed to pick up the relationship strains, plus some of the character traits of the protagonists.
Nice writing, I haven't spotted any typos either.
Patrick
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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Hi, Patrick. Nice to hear from you.
Thanks for reading and for the gracious review.
:) Bev
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Well written story that draws readers into the scene where they can much better experience all the events unfolding around them.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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Well written story that draws readers into the scene where they can much better experience all the events unfolding around them.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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Thank you very much for the review, Brent. I appreciate you taking time to read the post.
:) Bev
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Another mighty fine post, Bev. I've a pocketful of sixers I'm eager to spend. You're my first stop. (LOL)
Great description: "...finger of fear prodding my ribcage."
Paragraphs 3 and 4 set the mood of trepidation and low grade fear. A good writer can convey so much in an economy of words. These two paragraphs really set the stage.
Another super description: dumpling shaped
Interesting interaction between father and son. And what is up with those trees? His father is hard-edged and rather creepy to say nothing of lazy. It seems his gesture of cutting down the trees is very disrespectful toward his wife, which is probably why he really did it.
The "I felt a crazy desire..." paragraph is very significant. The reader now understands the power/ability of Senor Pasquale and his effect on Dr. Morales. So much communicated in only five sentences. Excellent.
The end of this chapter has a touch of humor with the aged Caddy and more mystery with the red rose. Superbly written, Bev.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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Another mighty fine post, Bev. I've a pocketful of sixers I'm eager to spend. You're my first stop. (LOL)
Great description: "...finger of fear prodding my ribcage."
Paragraphs 3 and 4 set the mood of trepidation and low grade fear. A good writer can convey so much in an economy of words. These two paragraphs really set the stage.
Another super description: dumpling shaped
Interesting interaction between father and son. And what is up with those trees? His father is hard-edged and rather creepy to say nothing of lazy. It seems his gesture of cutting down the trees is very disrespectful toward his wife, which is probably why he really did it.
The "I felt a crazy desire..." paragraph is very significant. The reader now understands the power/ability of Senor Pasquale and his effect on Dr. Morales. So much communicated in only five sentences. Excellent.
The end of this chapter has a touch of humor with the aged Caddy and more mystery with the red rose. Superbly written, Bev.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2015
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Hi, Marietta. Thank you much for waiting until you had a six to give, as you mentioned in your note to me. I do appreciate the gesture and support.
I have a cousin through marriage who did that very thing with his trees. We suspect he suffers from some sort of mental illness, though. But I thought it might bring out the resentment toward being abandoned--which you were the only one to catch!
As always, your encouragement, generosity and support are much appreciated.
:) Bev
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You're welcome! 'Tis a great story!
