Free Verse Collection 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "To Cherish Thorns"selections for seal submission
58 total reviews
Comment from doggymad
Well done with this work. You have some beautiful images here. More importantly you have moved seamlessly from style to style.
Best of luck with this contest entry
hugs
Freda
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Well done with this work. You have some beautiful images here. More importantly you have moved seamlessly from style to style.
Best of luck with this contest entry
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from MissMerri
This is truly beautiful, Michael. I enjoyed it three times, and here are my impressions: First time, I was so impressed with the metaphors and the beautiful spirit of the piece, but jarred a little by these lines: "I don't wish to drudge home just yet. So I meander along the lakefront. I considered the sunset. I celebrated quietly the moonrise. I tried to make sense of it all. I can skim a pebble 'cross the pond-as before ... before what? Before this." My reasons for the "jarring effect": I think of drudge as a noun meaning a menial worker or slave, and not as a verb, so I thought you meant "trudge" but I looked it up and it can also be a verb meaning to trod or slog, so I take back my complaint on the word. However, I was also troubled by the sudden switch to past tense and thought it would have been perfectly acceptable to make the past tense words present tense to match the rest of the poem... I consider, I celebrate, I try... but after three readings, I came to the conclusion you must have a good reason for writing it in past tense and I will accept that you are the master, and I'm merely the observer. So, all that said, there are 76 additional lines in this poem that are spectacular and beautiful and moving and full of poetic devices, metaphor and symbolism and truth and pure, incredible writing, so why should I be bothered, I ask myself, by two lines that I don't understand. Just the law of averages tells me the fault must be in my reading and not in the artist. I think this is truly quite beautiful and I'm going to give it six stars in spite of my uncertainties. I do hope you will explain, however, the insertion of the past tense into those lines. I love the poem, and think it is very nearly perfect. I hope it does well in this interesting contest.
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This is truly beautiful, Michael. I enjoyed it three times, and here are my impressions: First time, I was so impressed with the metaphors and the beautiful spirit of the piece, but jarred a little by these lines: "I don't wish to drudge home just yet. So I meander along the lakefront. I considered the sunset. I celebrated quietly the moonrise. I tried to make sense of it all. I can skim a pebble 'cross the pond-as before ... before what? Before this." My reasons for the "jarring effect": I think of drudge as a noun meaning a menial worker or slave, and not as a verb, so I thought you meant "trudge" but I looked it up and it can also be a verb meaning to trod or slog, so I take back my complaint on the word. However, I was also troubled by the sudden switch to past tense and thought it would have been perfectly acceptable to make the past tense words present tense to match the rest of the poem... I consider, I celebrate, I try... but after three readings, I came to the conclusion you must have a good reason for writing it in past tense and I will accept that you are the master, and I'm merely the observer. So, all that said, there are 76 additional lines in this poem that are spectacular and beautiful and moving and full of poetic devices, metaphor and symbolism and truth and pure, incredible writing, so why should I be bothered, I ask myself, by two lines that I don't understand. Just the law of averages tells me the fault must be in my reading and not in the artist. I think this is truly quite beautiful and I'm going to give it six stars in spite of my uncertainties. I do hope you will explain, however, the insertion of the past tense into those lines. I love the poem, and think it is very nearly perfect. I hope it does well in this interesting contest.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from robina1978
As always an excellent layout for your long poem. Pity you did not use a picture to complement it. You used several styles very well. This suits you, and it's quality all the way. A lengthy way to tell where your roots are. Loads of alliteration. Best wishes for the contest.
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As always an excellent layout for your long poem. Pity you did not use a picture to complement it. You used several styles very well. This suits you, and it's quality all the way. A lengthy way to tell where your roots are. Loads of alliteration. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from justafan
HOLY CHIT!!! That is one helluva poem, Mikey! I am sitting here with my mouth open...shaking my head. This is one mighty fine poem, sug. I loved it!!
Always,
Missy
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HOLY CHIT!!! That is one helluva poem, Mikey! I am sitting here with my mouth open...shaking my head. This is one mighty fine poem, sug. I loved it!!
Always,
Missy
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Pantygynt
This ia a gorgeous ramble amongs som lovely words, expressions and ideas. The river, linked by reflections to the night sky and the heavenly bodies accompanied by their attendant myths. From myth to legends wherein lie castles with gardens and roses.
Reading this was like being on the edge of sleep where one thought becomes inexplicably linked to another.
A treat to read.
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This ia a gorgeous ramble amongs som lovely words, expressions and ideas. The river, linked by reflections to the night sky and the heavenly bodies accompanied by their attendant myths. From myth to legends wherein lie castles with gardens and roses.
Reading this was like being on the edge of sleep where one thought becomes inexplicably linked to another.
A treat to read.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from RGstar
I lost the red thread here, Mikey. Abstract in a contemporary sort of way...almost like Fellini or Blake but less concentration on the diagnosis.
I think 'reflection is the word. Like pebbles rippling the water causing so many different ripples, so could all the different thought proceses be considered as they are all independent of each other, so rather than a coplete write with a clear, and only one, thought process, the author , like ripples, signify many viewpoints, with a clear hypothesis in mind.
For the hard work, and extraordinary imagery this projects, especialy the first part of this write , concerning the river and the natural elements of nature, fused with symbolism...I am happy to award this with a six star rating.
Well done for good work.
Good to see poets putting in the time in creATING SUBSTANTIAL WORKS.
BEST WISHES,
RGstar
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I lost the red thread here, Mikey. Abstract in a contemporary sort of way...almost like Fellini or Blake but less concentration on the diagnosis.
I think 'reflection is the word. Like pebbles rippling the water causing so many different ripples, so could all the different thought proceses be considered as they are all independent of each other, so rather than a coplete write with a clear, and only one, thought process, the author , like ripples, signify many viewpoints, with a clear hypothesis in mind.
For the hard work, and extraordinary imagery this projects, especialy the first part of this write , concerning the river and the natural elements of nature, fused with symbolism...I am happy to award this with a six star rating.
Well done for good work.
Good to see poets putting in the time in creATING SUBSTANTIAL WORKS.
BEST WISHES,
RGstar
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Nosha17
I am not sure of the connection between the different parts or levels to the poem, or maybe there isn't one. I liked the part with the kings and castles, that was interesting. I also liked the rhyming part with the rose, very descriptive and nice imagery. Good luck in the contest. Faye
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I am not sure of the connection between the different parts or levels to the poem, or maybe there isn't one. I liked the part with the kings and castles, that was interesting. I also liked the rhyming part with the rose, very descriptive and nice imagery. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from Ekim777
We are invited into a maze of images and abstracts tumbling in confusion that reminds me of an impressionist painting. I suppose we can call this Post Modern Poetry which confuses me because even some modern poetry leaves me wondering. I think I managed to hang in there, until the end. Oh well, I was never promised a rose-garden. -Ekim777
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We are invited into a maze of images and abstracts tumbling in confusion that reminds me of an impressionist painting. I suppose we can call this Post Modern Poetry which confuses me because even some modern poetry leaves me wondering. I think I managed to hang in there, until the end. Oh well, I was never promised a rose-garden. -Ekim777
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from ravenblack
I really like the photo you used lol. This is phenomenal. I have missed your free verse and here you really strut your stuff across the page. Endless reflections, endless ruminations to create a reality that mirrors a reality, even becomes reality. Why? Well, because. And of course, reality does not care. I once had grandparents and parents too- a gut punch of loneliness, age, the passage of time- all this wandering and we are parents/grandparents too. Time to go home and tend the soil. Your poem and Gail's are quite the one two punch, both crackling with the power of free verse.
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I really like the photo you used lol. This is phenomenal. I have missed your free verse and here you really strut your stuff across the page. Endless reflections, endless ruminations to create a reality that mirrors a reality, even becomes reality. Why? Well, because. And of course, reality does not care. I once had grandparents and parents too- a gut punch of loneliness, age, the passage of time- all this wandering and we are parents/grandparents too. Time to go home and tend the soil. Your poem and Gail's are quite the one two punch, both crackling with the power of free verse.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
Comment from LIJ Red
Excellent free verse. Drudge for trudge is deliberate? Works. The translators never
did figure out which constellation(s) were the "chambers of the South." I think
you show how free verse differs from squinty prose.
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Excellent free verse. Drudge for trudge is deliberate? Works. The translators never
did figure out which constellation(s) were the "chambers of the South." I think
you show how free verse differs from squinty prose.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2015
