Christine's Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 75 "Cardboard Cutout Husband 2"Poems /stories on Fanstory
11 total reviews
Comment from NJK62
An amusing poem that I enjoyed reading. Generally, the meter scans quite well, with alternate lines of 8 and 6 syllables. I am not sure, however, why you chose not to keep to the pattern in the first stanza, in which lines 2 and 4 have seven syllables. This has the effect of setting up a pattern that is not sustained through the remaining verses. Normally a reader would look for a reason for this, but I'm struggling to find one. That said the remainder of the poem reads fluently. Furthermore, the narrative in the poem is developed well, giving the feel of a contemporary ballad. The rhymes are consistently appropriate and there is no sense of the sentiments or word selection being forced to fit the pattern of the poem. The gentle mocking presentation of your partner and your relationship is maintained throughout and works. All in all a successful poem. Well done.
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reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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An amusing poem that I enjoyed reading. Generally, the meter scans quite well, with alternate lines of 8 and 6 syllables. I am not sure, however, why you chose not to keep to the pattern in the first stanza, in which lines 2 and 4 have seven syllables. This has the effect of setting up a pattern that is not sustained through the remaining verses. Normally a reader would look for a reason for this, but I'm struggling to find one. That said the remainder of the poem reads fluently. Furthermore, the narrative in the poem is developed well, giving the feel of a contemporary ballad. The rhymes are consistently appropriate and there is no sense of the sentiments or word selection being forced to fit the pattern of the poem. The gentle mocking presentation of your partner and your relationship is maintained throughout and works. All in all a successful poem. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thanks NJK62 for your great review and for giving me this feedback .especially about the stanza's syllables, normally I am particular re this as I like my poems to flow well so I will re visit these lines so thanks for this it is appreciated. It really is just a bit of fun too and my husband is not surprised at this so he laughs too. We have been married for 41 years pretty solid so I won't be replacing him just yet lol. So with thanks again Cheers Christine😃
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Thanks NJK62 for your great review and for giving me this feedback .especially about the stanza's syllables, normally I am particular re this as I like my poems to flow well so I will re visit these lines so thanks for this it is appreciated. It really is just a bit of fun too and my husband is not surprised at this so he laughs too. We have been married for 41 years pretty solid so I won't be replacing him just yet lol. So with thanks again Cheers Christine😃
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Hope it was helpful.
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Yes it did and have changed lines 2 & 4 to 6 syllables so thanks again Cheers Christine😄
