The Elusive Metaphor
A Villanelle28 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
This is a terrific villanelle, and a strong contest entry :) I love all things Maya Angelou. Her caged bird can definitely sing!
You have smooth repeating lines that work so well each time they are presented in a new stanza. That is something I struggle with, and admire in the work of seasoned poets.
I'm not familiar with all the poets you mention in your author notes, but do know Angelou and Poe. I recognize their influence in this piece. I also detect a little "rage" from Dylan Thomas.
I'm sorry I missed this when posted, but came as soon as I found reference to it :)
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
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This is a terrific villanelle, and a strong contest entry :) I love all things Maya Angelou. Her caged bird can definitely sing!
You have smooth repeating lines that work so well each time they are presented in a new stanza. That is something I struggle with, and admire in the work of seasoned poets.
I'm not familiar with all the poets you mention in your author notes, but do know Angelou and Poe. I recognize their influence in this piece. I also detect a little "rage" from Dylan Thomas.
I'm sorry I missed this when posted, but came as soon as I found reference to it :)
Comment Written 15-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Joy. These are tricky little beasts and there were some excellent entries in this contest - no luck in the voting this time!
Steve
Comment from BeasPeas
A crowded villanelle cage, it is. Nicely and attractively written and presented. Playful, light and free-flowing. Nice rhyming.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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A crowded villanelle cage, it is. Nicely and attractively written and presented. Playful, light and free-flowing. Nice rhyming.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2015
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Marilyn, thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Eternal Muse
Steve,
Your genius never ceases to amaze me. And here, you delivered a flawless Villanelle which flowed like the river Styxx. The greatest ease and elegance in repeating rhymes, hard to accomplish in a form like that. Your poem was a Mozart among some Salieries (lol). Your poetry is always Mozart to me, in its genuis-like ease, brilliant notes and the sparkling sun of execution. It is a pianist in me speaking. I remember your poem "Come Woodsman" that shook my entire core. You are a greatest poet on the site, I don't know if you were published, but your poetry should be household name. Dylan Thomas' Villanelle has nothing on yours, it seems heavy and awkward compared to this:
The lark, the owl, the swan and more
have served their turn upon the page.
I thought I'd caught a metaphor.
Alas, that bird's been penned before.
Bravo!
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Steve,
Your genius never ceases to amaze me. And here, you delivered a flawless Villanelle which flowed like the river Styxx. The greatest ease and elegance in repeating rhymes, hard to accomplish in a form like that. Your poem was a Mozart among some Salieries (lol). Your poetry is always Mozart to me, in its genuis-like ease, brilliant notes and the sparkling sun of execution. It is a pianist in me speaking. I remember your poem "Come Woodsman" that shook my entire core. You are a greatest poet on the site, I don't know if you were published, but your poetry should be household name. Dylan Thomas' Villanelle has nothing on yours, it seems heavy and awkward compared to this:
The lark, the owl, the swan and more
have served their turn upon the page.
I thought I'd caught a metaphor.
Alas, that bird's been penned before.
Bravo!
Comment Written 06-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2015
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Now this is truly humbling to have such effusive praise. To even be mentioned in the same breath as Dylan Thomas is more than i could ever expect - I have tried to write 'like' him in the past and was a fairly abject failure! The results of the contest (5th equal) should keep my feet on the ground!
Thank you, though, for the lovely vote of confidence.
Steve
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I often feel those classics are a bit overrated. Even Shakespeare stumbled in his 116th sonnet, and his pentameter limped ever so slightly:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
You delivered a much smoother pentameter in your sonnet (lol), and showed much more ease in your Villanelle than Dylan.
Comment from lightink
Very cleverly penned with smooth lovely flow! But hey, calling your muse names might backfire! ;) Really lovely, humorous piece! I am glad to have read it!
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Very cleverly penned with smooth lovely flow! But hey, calling your muse names might backfire! ;) Really lovely, humorous piece! I am glad to have read it!
Comment Written 03-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Thank you!
I think she likes being bad-mouthed!
Steve
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
My muse has proved a fickle whore; LOL Yes, I can tell you were influenced by Blake and Poe, I wish I could write that way.
The way you formatted the text is not working for me, it looks like you don't have enough room on your page and the lines are all scrunched.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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My muse has proved a fickle whore; LOL Yes, I can tell you were influenced by Blake and Poe, I wish I could write that way.
The way you formatted the text is not working for me, it looks like you don't have enough room on your page and the lines are all scrunched.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Thanks for the kind words.
Formatting is perhaps down to the picture - FS gives you a box wide enough for the text and these were short lines. I deliberately set the picture size to small, because it did not enlarge well...
Steve
Comment from Neonewman
Outstanding, I love this masterfully crafted piece you have delivered my friend. It so reminds me of the beloved Poe! Good luck with the contest and God bless!
Steve
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Outstanding, I love this masterfully crafted piece you have delivered my friend. It so reminds me of the beloved Poe! Good luck with the contest and God bless!
Steve
Comment Written 02-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Thank you for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Tessa Kay
Have to look up who Maya Angelou is. Big lady, no doubt.
I love the idea of trying to catch a metaphor. There are some terribly bad ones around, but yes, it is hard to catch a good one. But when you do, it adds real
depth to your writing.
Lovely topic for a poem, well developed. Nice play on the old classics.
:)
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Have to look up who Maya Angelou is. Big lady, no doubt.
I love the idea of trying to catch a metaphor. There are some terribly bad ones around, but yes, it is hard to catch a good one. But when you do, it adds real
depth to your writing.
Lovely topic for a poem, well developed. Nice play on the old classics.
:)
Comment Written 02-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Tessa - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from Just2Write
Sometimes one comes across something that is so close to brilliance that it defies explanation. This Villanelle is such a poem. The flow is fantastic, and the wit is sharp and delivered with the skill of a surgeon. I loved how you were able to sneak in references to some of history's best poems and poets. Maya Angelou knows why the caged bird sings - when wing is bruised and bosom sore -
A nice touch to mention that you toyed with getting her classic into the poem as well.
The light touch of whimsy that you sprinkle into this very tough form is fantastic.
The repeating lines do not get in the way, and the references to the classics are hidden in the lines, but once you're looking at them, jump off the page. I like that you stayed on topic with your 'bird' theme too. Eight different kinds squeezed succinctly into place, and again without beating us over the head with them.
Rose.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Sometimes one comes across something that is so close to brilliance that it defies explanation. This Villanelle is such a poem. The flow is fantastic, and the wit is sharp and delivered with the skill of a surgeon. I loved how you were able to sneak in references to some of history's best poems and poets. Maya Angelou knows why the caged bird sings - when wing is bruised and bosom sore -
A nice touch to mention that you toyed with getting her classic into the poem as well.
The light touch of whimsy that you sprinkle into this very tough form is fantastic.
The repeating lines do not get in the way, and the references to the classics are hidden in the lines, but once you're looking at them, jump off the page. I like that you stayed on topic with your 'bird' theme too. Eight different kinds squeezed succinctly into place, and again without beating us over the head with them.
Rose.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Rose, thanks for the lovely detailed review and the six stars. Alas, we are getting well beaten in the booth!
Steve
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I can never figure out the voting in the booths. I quit trying long ago. Rose.
Comment from barkingdog
I did catch all of your references to famous poets in this evenly metered and rhymed Villanelle.
I guess you will have to settle for a hampster. I don't think they've been penned before. They enjoy a wheel in their cage while they spin out ideas.
Great entry with a bit of humor, steve.
Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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I did catch all of your references to famous poets in this evenly metered and rhymed Villanelle.
I guess you will have to settle for a hampster. I don't think they've been penned before. They enjoy a wheel in their cage while they spin out ideas.
Great entry with a bit of humor, steve.
Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2015
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Well I know a couple of jokes about hamsters - 'Tulips from hamster jam' is one - but you're right, they are under-represented in poetry!
Steve
Comment from jpduck
I know almost nothing about poetry, and wouldn't know a villanelle if it fell in my soup. So this is an entirely invalid 'review'.
Nevertheless, I felt sufficiently stirred by this to write and say that I think it is extraordinarily clever. I particularly like the way you made use of the double meaning of 'penned'.
I could even recognise the references (I think) to Poe (raven), Tennyson (eagle) and Coleridge (albatross). But, sadly, I still don't understand poetry.
Adrian
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
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I know almost nothing about poetry, and wouldn't know a villanelle if it fell in my soup. So this is an entirely invalid 'review'.
Nevertheless, I felt sufficiently stirred by this to write and say that I think it is extraordinarily clever. I particularly like the way you made use of the double meaning of 'penned'.
I could even recognise the references (I think) to Poe (raven), Tennyson (eagle) and Coleridge (albatross). But, sadly, I still don't understand poetry.
Adrian
Comment Written 02-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 02-Sep-2015
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Thanks, Adrian. You missed Blake (Auguries of Innocence)
Sometimes I think I try to be too clever. Hopefully this time I've managed to mix that with some half-decent poetry as well.
Steve
