Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

What an interesting 5-7-5. It prompted me to look up the waratah, a very unusual flowering bush. I wish you much luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 01-Sep-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015

Thank you for your diligence in researching the flower. It is indeed unusual, and the photo doesn't really do it justice. Much appreciated, Craig.

Comment from --Turtle.

Excellent

Hi Craig,

Read through this 5-7-5, What I liked, you sandwiched the flower's name and type (sorry if I'm confusing genius and species and whatnot, but I know that there's multiple types of telopia, and the one you claimed... OUR would be one of many types of waratah. I liked that you sandwiched the middle with the two names.) The double W sound of wonderus waratah was a strong end to the thought. It gave a sense of pride in the claiming, along with the good descriptive word of treasured.)

I did worry over the weaker use of 'of a' a State was a little generic. Maybe the middle line could have been strengthened there? in reworking 'of a' ?

 Comment Written 31-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Sep-2015

That's probably a good suggestion, Turtle. I considered putting 'our state', or 'my state', but clearly most people wouldn't relate to that. I found this competition interesting, to say the least. Thanks for your kind review, much appreciated :)
Craig.

reply by --Turtle. on 01-Sep-2015

I thought to brainstorm on something more condensed, and maybe on feeding an emotional connection to the reader, or an action. I thought things like:

treasured state emblem bloom true
state emblem treasured and fair

At least you tried the contest. Not only am I so short on time, but my mind would start messing with me. I'm not competitive, but sometimes I can't stop till I win. (My man sometimes gets caught in that loop, as he's soo good at board games, and sometimes I don't want to switch to a new game until I win once... just one more game... Just one more.)

Comment from angel123

Excellent

Good flower type a wondrous waratah. I never heard of it, but the flower is beautiful. I enjoyed reading your poem and good luck in the contest.

Angel123

 Comment Written 30-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 30-Aug-2015

Thank you for your kind wishes and very much appreciated comments.

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

I've never heard of that flower but the picture is beautiful. Perfect 5-7-5 form. Good luck to you in the contest.
~teresa~

 Comment Written 29-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2015

Thank you, Teresa, for your kind comments :)

Comment from BlueMarble

Excellent

I love your flower. You did a lovely job with it. Just a heads up about contest rules - I think it says "no author notes." Best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 29-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2015

Oops, I looked for that too - obviously missed it. Thanks for pointing it out.
And for the lovely review and good wishes.