Glory Train
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Ryan's Birth"Do you really have to earn your wings?
15 total reviews
Comment from ellie6
A poignant chapter, poor little Ryan. Well written and described, you captured the mood. I really need to read the third chapter to know that the little boy finally found love.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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A poignant chapter, poor little Ryan. Well written and described, you captured the mood. I really need to read the third chapter to know that the little boy finally found love.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Stay tuned. Much more to come.
Comment from MsPetra
I liked this offering. You did a great job here.
I kept reading to see where you were going with this. You didn't disappoint.
I didn't get to read the previous chapters, but it is running along smoothly at this point. I look forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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I liked this offering. You did a great job here.
I kept reading to see where you were going with this. You didn't disappoint.
I didn't get to read the previous chapters, but it is running along smoothly at this point. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this. Perhaps Ryan will reveal more of his checkered past as the story develops.
Comment from pbroussard209
What a sad story. Its hard to believe a father could hate his son over something out of his control. But I have seen parents hate their children for far less. Another great chapter.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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What a sad story. Its hard to believe a father could hate his son over something out of his control. But I have seen parents hate their children for far less. Another great chapter.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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Thank you for your comments, support, and the 6-Stars. Perhaps Ryan will reveal much more of his story along the way.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Brett. Great job mate. Your timing is very good on introducing the reasons he suffered and died to us. This is another sad but very enjoyable chapter, imaginatively written and described.
" Being dead was not all it was cracked up to be." Hahahaha! Very clever and funny line that one.
Suggestion..
" But, that would allow the murderer of his wife to get off much too easily with his crime." (I suggest....for his crime or..get away with his crime much too easily.)
Well done Sir.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
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G'day Brett. Great job mate. Your timing is very good on introducing the reasons he suffered and died to us. This is another sad but very enjoyable chapter, imaginatively written and described.
" Being dead was not all it was cracked up to be." Hahahaha! Very clever and funny line that one.
Suggestion..
" But, that would allow the murderer of his wife to get off much too easily with his crime." (I suggest....for his crime or..get away with his crime much too easily.)
Well done Sir.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 23-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
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Always appreciate your comments. And the edits. Thank you very much.
Comment from Serendipity!
I would find it easier to read or just skip and go on to the next one if I was gullible enough to believe those kind of things just don't happen. I have been 'round long enough to have heard terrible stories and when I was younger wanted to forcibly snatch such unfortunte victims from their dreadful circumstances. The best I could do what write, write, write! I'm pulling for Ryan and all the real Ryan's out there and hope things will turn for the better.
Sadly our desire for a 'happily ever after ending' sooths us but not the endless line of victims still marching by.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
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I would find it easier to read or just skip and go on to the next one if I was gullible enough to believe those kind of things just don't happen. I have been 'round long enough to have heard terrible stories and when I was younger wanted to forcibly snatch such unfortunte victims from their dreadful circumstances. The best I could do what write, write, write! I'm pulling for Ryan and all the real Ryan's out there and hope things will turn for the better.
Sadly our desire for a 'happily ever after ending' sooths us but not the endless line of victims still marching by.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. Child abuse of all kinds needs to stop. Pinning the loss of the dead mother on the child, and making them believe all their life they killed her, is one of the worst forms of child abuse. And, yes, unfortunately, it does happen. Glad you enjoyed this one.
Comment from Muffins
The power of good; the reality of evil that opens up exposing us is acknowledged in a vast entertaining and emotional roller coaster story.
The Gate Opener reminded me of Satan. This is probably how he behave before being throw out of paradise. How can you start an argument in paradise? What ego that Gate Opener has.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
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The power of good; the reality of evil that opens up exposing us is acknowledged in a vast entertaining and emotional roller coaster story.
The Gate Opener reminded me of Satan. This is probably how he behave before being throw out of paradise. How can you start an argument in paradise? What ego that Gate Opener has.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
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He did have his own little agenda, and I do not believe all that story has not been told yet either. Glad you enjoyed this one. Appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from MelB
Such a sad thing and for Ryan to believe the lie that he killed his mother. Clearly, dad needed someone to blame, so Ryan was the choice.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
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Such a sad thing and for Ryan to believe the lie that he killed his mother. Clearly, dad needed someone to blame, so Ryan was the choice.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
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Isn't that always the case in a situation like that? Blame it on the most defenseless person you can find: a newborn. Glad you enjoyed this little tale.
Comment from Chrissy710
Brett your story is starting to take shape even with the putrid hate Ryan's father had for him. My only concern ( this time lol) is in line 8 you write that ' he had no place he fit in now' that sounds wrong. Perhaps if you wrote He has no place that he fits into now. Or he had no place to fit into now. Also the paragraph describing the birth is difficult to read due to the way it is worded. perhaps put ' of course that was before his birth occurred, a difficult and extremely painful one for his mother.
The rest reads Ok keep going Cheers Christine
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2015
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Brett your story is starting to take shape even with the putrid hate Ryan's father had for him. My only concern ( this time lol) is in line 8 you write that ' he had no place he fit in now' that sounds wrong. Perhaps if you wrote He has no place that he fits into now. Or he had no place to fit into now. Also the paragraph describing the birth is difficult to read due to the way it is worded. perhaps put ' of course that was before his birth occurred, a difficult and extremely painful one for his mother.
The rest reads Ok keep going Cheers Christine
Comment Written 21-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2015
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There is plenty more coming. Appreciate your comments and support. Edits made.
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Ok that's good cheers Christine
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Hi Brett sorry to harp but you need to put an s onto fit and make the in to one word so fits into Otherwise the grammar is incorrect Cheers Chris
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Very well written and easy to follow. I hope there is more explanation of what he had to endure to help with the telling of the story. Nicely done and interesting to read
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2015
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Very well written and easy to follow. I hope there is more explanation of what he had to endure to help with the telling of the story. Nicely done and interesting to read
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. There will be much more to this story.
Comment from MizKat
Hi Brett,
This is another chapter that is very interesting and a most enjoyable read. I love to read your stories. I also like the picture by mylo, that you added to it. One thing bothered me from your background notes above the picture. I had to keep reading the last line over and over before I knew what you meant. I think putting commas in it would help a lot. Can the Guardian(,) sent to return the little lost lamb to Paradise(,) do so? I know the pause of the of each comma helped me.
Kat
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
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Hi Brett,
This is another chapter that is very interesting and a most enjoyable read. I love to read your stories. I also like the picture by mylo, that you added to it. One thing bothered me from your background notes above the picture. I had to keep reading the last line over and over before I knew what you meant. I think putting commas in it would help a lot. Can the Guardian(,) sent to return the little lost lamb to Paradise(,) do so? I know the pause of the of each comma helped me.
Kat
Comment Written 20-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. As always. Glad you enjoyed this one. Stay tuned. Ryan's adventure has only just begun.
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Oh, good that there'll be a lot more about Ryan's adventure. I look forward to reading them. Kat
