Anthony
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Alisha"The life of a different man
17 total reviews
Comment from Annette Gulliver
Hi Alexis - I see you have changed the beautiful Lisa into the sexy Alisha .. good choice, as the name suits the exotic looking girl in the picture.
Methinks Michael and Alisha are going to pull a con job on Anthony.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter, as the plot thickens.
bye for now,
Annette x
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Hi Alexis - I see you have changed the beautiful Lisa into the sexy Alisha .. good choice, as the name suits the exotic looking girl in the picture.
Methinks Michael and Alisha are going to pull a con job on Anthony.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter, as the plot thickens.
bye for now,
Annette x
Comment Written 18-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much for your review, Annette, and apologies for my tardy reply. I'm working off an internet dongle while I'm here in France, and the bally thing decides to cut me off at the most annoying times (like when I've just written 10 replies!) I'm now doing a couple at a time so that if I do get cut off, it's not so frustrating! Alexis xxx
Comment from wordsfromsue
Michael Dupris had shared a competitive poker table with Anthony on (should be 'at', not 'on') several locations in the past
Anthony had a healthy respect for a man who knew the game as well as he (I might use 'Michael' here instead of 'he', for clarification) did.
a downtown B&B would suffice to get your head down during the day. (does 'get your head down' mean 'get some sleep during the day'?)
If it hadn't been for an Italian mother who made every homecoming, whatever the circumstances, make him feel like the most cherished person on earth, he didn't doubt he would have given up and joined the ranks of the unemployed before sinking into oblivion with a bottle of some sort gripped firmly in his hand. (this needs revising)
So, Michael and Alisha are attempting to put one over on everybody? An RV for 3 months.... not my cup of tea.
I'm glad gambling isn't my drug of choice. Food is much more reliable!
Good chapter and I sense the games are about to begin.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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Michael Dupris had shared a competitive poker table with Anthony on (should be 'at', not 'on') several locations in the past
Anthony had a healthy respect for a man who knew the game as well as he (I might use 'Michael' here instead of 'he', for clarification) did.
a downtown B&B would suffice to get your head down during the day. (does 'get your head down' mean 'get some sleep during the day'?)
If it hadn't been for an Italian mother who made every homecoming, whatever the circumstances, make him feel like the most cherished person on earth, he didn't doubt he would have given up and joined the ranks of the unemployed before sinking into oblivion with a bottle of some sort gripped firmly in his hand. (this needs revising)
So, Michael and Alisha are attempting to put one over on everybody? An RV for 3 months.... not my cup of tea.
I'm glad gambling isn't my drug of choice. Food is much more reliable!
Good chapter and I sense the games are about to begin.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2015
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its taken so long to get back to you, Sue. This is the worst the internet via my dongle has been in the last 4 years, and I now have it on an extension beside the patio door! It still cuts out at the most annoying moments though! Someone lent me a strimmer until Saturday (I go back to Glasgow on Sunday, so I'm now dodging raindrops trying to whack an acre of 2/3 ft high grass! At least the bronchitis has gone, so I don't feel like I'm about to drop dead. Honestly, the first week I spent sleeping, and now it's payback time! Alexis xxx
Comment from jpduck
Ah, that's more like it -- a bit of mystery developing here. I look forward to reading more.
'a downtown B&B would suffice to get your head down during the day.' (The ultimate nit-pick. I'm not sure where this is set, but, in this country, I believe that most B&Bs would not allow customers in during the day -- after or all, it's implicit within the title, B&B. Or am I totally out of date?)
Two SPAGs and a suggestion. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'but he*'d* better let him know as a matter of protocol'
'returned to their secre[a]ted RV' (Also I think I would add a note under Author Notes to say that an RV is a recreational vehicle -- ie a caravan, trailer or motorhome. I had to look it up, and I suspect I will not be alone).
Adrian
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Ah, that's more like it -- a bit of mystery developing here. I look forward to reading more.
'a downtown B&B would suffice to get your head down during the day.' (The ultimate nit-pick. I'm not sure where this is set, but, in this country, I believe that most B&Bs would not allow customers in during the day -- after or all, it's implicit within the title, B&B. Or am I totally out of date?)
Two SPAGs and a suggestion. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'but he*'d* better let him know as a matter of protocol'
'returned to their secre[a]ted RV' (Also I think I would add a note under Author Notes to say that an RV is a recreational vehicle -- ie a caravan, trailer or motorhome. I had to look it up, and I suspect I will not be alone).
Adrian
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Ah, but we're not in this country (although I've deliberately not stated which country he is in because I haven't decided yet!) A good point though! I've also added a note regarding the RV - great idea.
I hope you're having a lovely holiday with your family.
Alexis xxx
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I am indeed, thank you. What's more it hasn't rained once ... yet.
Adrian
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
a well deserved six for this, Alexis -
I'm thoroughly enjoying it.
a few minor things:
A story of some sort [[of]] had obviously been agreed - lose 2nd "of"
it was obvious that something had thrown the kind of curve ball every gambler dreaded(,) in Michael's direction. - comma
Anthony('s) eyes searched
Margaret
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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a well deserved six for this, Alexis -
I'm thoroughly enjoying it.
a few minor things:
A story of some sort [[of]] had obviously been agreed - lose 2nd "of"
it was obvious that something had thrown the kind of curve ball every gambler dreaded(,) in Michael's direction. - comma
Anthony('s) eyes searched
Margaret
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Thank you, Margaret. I must admit, writing 'Anthony' is making a pleasant change to converting LTD into a screenplay and cutting miles of grass! Only 10 days till I'm back to my sofa and a proper internet connection - this trip has been hard going! Alexis xxx
Comment from Ulla
Alexis, this is another outstanding write. The story is taking off and has a lot going for it. Only one thing: I think the paragraph starting: If it hadn't been for an Italian mother........ I think this could be reconstructed and made into perhaps two shorter sentences.
You have quite a story going here. All the best, Ulla xxx
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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Alexis, this is another outstanding write. The story is taking off and has a lot going for it. Only one thing: I think the paragraph starting: If it hadn't been for an Italian mother........ I think this could be reconstructed and made into perhaps two shorter sentences.
You have quite a story going here. All the best, Ulla xxx
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much, Ulla, and apologies for taking so long to get back to you. Now the gales have set in here in France, I'm getting the chance to write, so spent today writing a couple of new chapters. The first one only took an hour to load up! Alexis xxx
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Excellent! I like Anthony, he is my kind of man, honest, charming, considerate and RICH! Why can't my men be rich??
This is coming along really well, there is a plot there already and your usual flair of making everything feel and sound real and believable comes through perfectly. I like the couple too, Alisha doesn't come across as a woman who would betray her husband, especially with a friend of her husband. I wonder if it will stay that way. Excellent my friend. How is the script coming? xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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Excellent! I like Anthony, he is my kind of man, honest, charming, considerate and RICH! Why can't my men be rich??
This is coming along really well, there is a plot there already and your usual flair of making everything feel and sound real and believable comes through perfectly. I like the couple too, Alisha doesn't come across as a woman who would betray her husband, especially with a friend of her husband. I wonder if it will stay that way. Excellent my friend. How is the script coming? xsx Sandra
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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So true. Men like Anthony are few and far between, especially when you get to my age! Now rained off because of the weather, I've managed to write a couple of new chapters, the first of which I've just posted. Next one tomorrow - internet connection permitting! Alexis xxx
Comment from scongrove
Alexis ... I love this! This is starting out to be a fantastic story. I'm already wrapped up in this and can't wait to read more. The characters seem so real and you describe them so well. I can just see them as I read through this chapter. I can tell this is going to be a romantic story full of excitement.
Shana :)
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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Alexis ... I love this! This is starting out to be a fantastic story. I'm already wrapped up in this and can't wait to read more. The characters seem so real and you describe them so well. I can just see them as I read through this chapter. I can tell this is going to be a romantic story full of excitement.
Shana :)
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2015
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Hi Shana, and apologies for taking so long to thank you for your wonderful review. I'm working off an internet dongle while I'm in France, and it's 'off' more than it's 'on!' Put that together with the mountain of grass that has to be cut, I've been struggling to keep up, far less do as much work I should have done on the screenplay of LTD. Back to civilisation on Sunday! Alexis xxx
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No worries :) Have a safe trip. Looking forward to reading more.
Shana :)
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Alexis, I got the same chapter in my messages twice. Did you mean to post them twice or did you accidently post the same chapter twice. They have different chapter titles but they're the same.
Shana :)
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I think it's because it took so long to load up, I had to start again after the internet cut out for half an hour. Lol, the joys of working off an internet dongle! Hopefully I'll get a chance to review your new chapter later tonight - but it might be after the French have gone to bed!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Story line heating up. Well written story draws readers into the scene where they can much better experience all the events unfolding around them.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Story line heating up. Well written story draws readers into the scene where they can much better experience all the events unfolding around them.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Yes, we know know a little about all the 'players' it's time for some action! Alexis xxx
Comment from royowen
A good follow up to the 1st one Alexis, having some trouble getting into this one. The characters are quite good, you will be able to build a solid base on them, it's probably going to take while to develop the plot, not clear at the moment, Anthony has some sterling qualities, and Michael has need of them, Alisha will undoubtedly blossom as the story progresses, well done, good writing, My friend, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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A good follow up to the 1st one Alexis, having some trouble getting into this one. The characters are quite good, you will be able to build a solid base on them, it's probably going to take while to develop the plot, not clear at the moment, Anthony has some sterling qualities, and Michael has need of them, Alisha will undoubtedly blossom as the story progresses, well done, good writing, My friend, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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That makes two of us, Roy! I'm in France at the moment cutting grass and converting LTD into a screenplay, so writing 'Anthony' offers a pleasant change from time to time! My dodgy dongle is also driving me nuts because the only time I seem to be able to get on the internet is when the French are asleep! Alexis xxx
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Well done Alexis good luck,
Comment from MelB
Hello Alexis! I bet you have been very busy writing. Hope the script is coming along nicely. Good development of characters here. I'm interested to see if Anthony can resist the beautiful Alisha!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Hello Alexis! I bet you have been very busy writing. Hope the script is coming along nicely. Good development of characters here. I'm interested to see if Anthony can resist the beautiful Alisha!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2015
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Only time will tell! Now in France working away at the script in between cutting all the grass and getting rid of the weeds. Guess which job I prefer? Alexis xxx
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I'm guessing the writing!
