Don't Stand Here Tonight! Chapter 2
Bucky's Life Continues to Crumble7 total reviews
Comment from Leineco
:-) Sorry it took me so long to get back to this.
I am continuing to love the rapid fire delivery of this tale. (I can't help but constantly overlay big box office production values and A-lister stars to the movie that plays in the back of my mind while I read this - lol - think "Marley and Me" when it comes to Dumpster ;-)
I have to admit, I felt like the car took a whiplash inducing hairpin turn when Purple Pearl rolled onto the scene. . .but what the heck - I'm in for the ride :-) Bring it on! LOL
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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:-) Sorry it took me so long to get back to this.
I am continuing to love the rapid fire delivery of this tale. (I can't help but constantly overlay big box office production values and A-lister stars to the movie that plays in the back of my mind while I read this - lol - think "Marley and Me" when it comes to Dumpster ;-)
I have to admit, I felt like the car took a whiplash inducing hairpin turn when Purple Pearl rolled onto the scene. . .but what the heck - I'm in for the ride :-) Bring it on! LOL
Comment Written 22-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2015
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Get one of those heat wraps or ice packs from CVS an call me in the morning. I am working on the conclusion as I type so stay tuned. Thanks for all your great comments Big L....even my family likes this one, the ending for sure.
Comment from J Patience
I will admit that I didn't read the whole thing. I'm sure that Earl's niceness at the end makes a good ending, but I lost interest even though that dog Dumpster had some great tricks going on. Frankly, my mom could be here any minute so I'm anxious and can't concentrate.
What I have read is great! Again, with a few things I think you'd see if you re-read it. What a story! Just chisel it a little more, and it'll be perfect! I'll get back to read that end when I'm not expecting company. :)
Edits:
grabbed Pete and drug him towards the back door. - I think it's supposed to be dragged.
fire trucks to numerous to count, - should be too numerous
How could that be thought Earl? - at least a comma after "be," but if his thought could be quoted or italicized it would flow better. (I don't know how to get my document to italicize on fanstory, but I've seen people do it.)
a couple times in this one, you've typed "fireman" instead of "firemen." I know if you go over it again you'll see them.
Earl has burns on his hands and back of his neck where he had thrown Bucky - change in tense, from past to present. This would say "Earl had burns..." if it were to match the rest of it.
should be coming-to instead of coming to.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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I will admit that I didn't read the whole thing. I'm sure that Earl's niceness at the end makes a good ending, but I lost interest even though that dog Dumpster had some great tricks going on. Frankly, my mom could be here any minute so I'm anxious and can't concentrate.
What I have read is great! Again, with a few things I think you'd see if you re-read it. What a story! Just chisel it a little more, and it'll be perfect! I'll get back to read that end when I'm not expecting company. :)
Edits:
grabbed Pete and drug him towards the back door. - I think it's supposed to be dragged.
fire trucks to numerous to count, - should be too numerous
How could that be thought Earl? - at least a comma after "be," but if his thought could be quoted or italicized it would flow better. (I don't know how to get my document to italicize on fanstory, but I've seen people do it.)
a couple times in this one, you've typed "fireman" instead of "firemen." I know if you go over it again you'll see them.
Earl has burns on his hands and back of his neck where he had thrown Bucky - change in tense, from past to present. This would say "Earl had burns..." if it were to match the rest of it.
should be coming-to instead of coming to.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Well. we I so appreciate the "right on" comments and suggestions. Chiseling is in progress. Also thank you for becoming a fan I am honored. In my portfolio I have two other stories you would love, one is called the Merchant and the other is The Warrior, also long, but worth the read. Be blessed and prosper JP.....Mossmouse
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is such a sweet story, ed got straightened out and between him and dumpster they helped bucky get back to living life again. I love this part. I enjoyed reading it. amazing how 133 read at 18
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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this is such a sweet story, ed got straightened out and between him and dumpster they helped bucky get back to living life again. I love this part. I enjoyed reading it. amazing how 133 read at 18
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much for wading thru this longer chapter of my story. I had the pleasure of interviewing many of the folks involved and theen added my "fiction" touches. Keep posting sweetwoodjax...Mossmouse
Comment from Unspoken94
Okay, you got me! What an incredible chapter! The characters are dramatic, funny, compassionate and full of passion. The interaction between them is so realistic.
You not only have a chapter for your book, but there's a script screaming to come out as well.
Thanks for letting me have another chance. Bill
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Okay, you got me! What an incredible chapter! The characters are dramatic, funny, compassionate and full of passion. The interaction between them is so realistic.
You not only have a chapter for your book, but there's a script screaming to come out as well.
Thanks for letting me have another chance. Bill
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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I have read a few works and had wished there was more myself but then I have to go back and try and figure out what the writer was trying to say. Thanks for giving me another chance and I greatly appreciate your positive comments. Mossmouse
Comment from Nosha17
Very realistic descriptions of the disaster, fire is very frightening. Glad some were saved through the bravery of these men. Well narrated story and it read well. I found some errors: Para 3. I think you meant billow out. Para 6, eyes, Para 7, friends' names. Para 14, two white eyes shone.... Para 15, Many firemen. Para 21, dragged him. Para 46, lay back, and lastly, lying on his couch. I hope you found this helpful. Enjoyable read. Faye
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Very realistic descriptions of the disaster, fire is very frightening. Glad some were saved through the bravery of these men. Well narrated story and it read well. I found some errors: Para 3. I think you meant billow out. Para 6, eyes, Para 7, friends' names. Para 14, two white eyes shone.... Para 15, Many firemen. Para 21, dragged him. Para 46, lay back, and lastly, lying on his couch. I hope you found this helpful. Enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Thanks for braving the fire to read Chapter 2! I am always appreciative of all reviews because it allows me to look and see where I might improve in the future. I will fix all the spags....I posted it late last night and I should have gone thru it one more time but I probably wouldn't have caught all of them. Keep writing and keep reading to help us all be better...Mossmouse
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Great job. I thought this was a strong chapter that while lengthy, easily held my interest. You do a great job with little details that add to the story. Excellent use of dialogue.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Great job. I thought this was a strong chapter that while lengthy, easily held my interest. You do a great job with little details that add to the story. Excellent use of dialogue.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Well Michael, I am humbled by your most kind words. Length is one of the things I battle with but A story or chapter is just that. Six stars are rare and I thank you. If you haven't read thee 1st chapter of this story I would encourage you to do so. Again, many thanks....Mossmouse
Comment from OLA THOMAS
This is a very effective work. Cloak with intrigues and suspense. A reader is on edge to see what next... But sincerely, for you to have some sincere and quality reviewers, this post seemed too long for a chapter. You would do better if split it into parts. This is only an advise because not all reviewers have patient to read "long posts".
ola thomas
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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This is a very effective work. Cloak with intrigues and suspense. A reader is on edge to see what next... But sincerely, for you to have some sincere and quality reviewers, this post seemed too long for a chapter. You would do better if split it into parts. This is only an advise because not all reviewers have patient to read "long posts".
ola thomas
Comment Written 12-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2015
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Thank you so much Ola for taking the time to read thru my chapter. I hear the reviewer issue a lot but there are times when you try to fit something into someone else's reading comfort zone, it proves difficult. There was just nowhere to break it off except where I did. Keep on writing and posting Ola and again thank you. Mossmouse
