Reviews from

The Celebration

A wife's birthday, and a couple's anniversary go awry.

36 total reviews 
Comment from justafan
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

NOW RIC....omg what a great piece this is!!! I was so envious at the beginning. To be loved so much but I have to say she didn't deserve him. The lover should go on an extended holiday...maybe like forever!!!HAHAHA!!!
Wonderful work my friend.

Always,
Missy

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
    Thanks so much, Missy, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review, my friend, are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from robina1978
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent photo of a farm and the fowls that complement your story perfectly. It is an interesting and scary story. Husband goes to get his wife an expensive present for his wife's birthday and their wedding anniversary. She happens to have a lover, hidden in the cellar, she got killed. By whom I am not sure: hubby or friend.

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
    The wife was chatting on the computer with her lover when the husband came home from buying her an expensive birthday present. The husband kills the wife when he realizes what's going on and holds her decapitated head in front of a chat camera so the lover can see it. Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from sweetwoodjax
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

this is an excellent write, ricmyworld, you did an excellent job writing this short story about the husband's revenge for a cheating wife. so gruesome. where did you hide the body?

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 11-Aug-2015
    I would say there are a few people, like you, who are wondering where I might have hidden the body, from the gruesomeness of how the wife was killed. LOL. But in real life, it's hard for me to kill an aggravating fly. Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Gloria ....
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hey Ric, gotta admit I love the opening paragraph, especially the horsies running up and down the fence row. What's up with that? Why do horses do that? They want out or something, or are they just showing off in the hopes that someone will see them and saddle them up for a ride?

It sounds like Buddy's loaded...man alive a gift like that is sure to turn a girl's head. But sadly it didn't turn her heart.

He didn't even ask for an explanation, so that shows his single mindedness extremely well.

Now the only thing he has to do is go and finish off Teddy too. I'm pretty sure he's already heading for the hills or the cops, or both. ;-)

Love your story. Your pacing is great, your narrative and setting exceptional and the ending, well, grisly but not too much so.

Very nicely written my friend.

Gloria

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
    Horses run across the fields and up and down the fence rows creating a peeking order. Kind of like King on the Hill. The fastest and most physical will always prevail and out muscle and speed the others. And of course, some of it is just playing and roughing each other up. They are bred to run, and that's just what they do. Sounds like that sentence should end with "One of these days these hoofs are gonna walk all over you." That rhythm and melody stuff we were talking about the other day. Thank you so much my friend for everything. Mostly, just for being You. The kind words, suggestions along the way, and the six-star review are greatly appreciated. The friendship is priceless! :-)
reply by Gloria .... on 10-Aug-2015
    It figures. So do both the mares and stallions engage in that battle of the pecking order or is it just an uncastrated guy thing? And why not in the open field? Why along the fence?
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
    The colts are separated from the fillies and the mares, or they would be trying to show their masculinity in other ways. The stallions, colts ready for breeding, are put in their own paddocks; otherwise, there would be some dead horses. Peeking order or a fight for dominance is between all horses. Usually horses pack up against the fence rows because many farms feed them there, or if they are brought up to their stalls, they want to be first in line. :-)
reply by Gloria .... on 11-Aug-2015
    Very interesting. I didn't know all this about horses. They sound like they're pretty frisky when it comes to being around the fillies and the mares. Thank you so kindly Ric for explaining horse sense to me. :-)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent
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Whoa! He doesn't give second chances, does he! He gave the bitch everything and she cheated on him. She stayed for his money, but didn't love him. She asked for what she got. Really good! :)

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
    Thank you so much, Phyllis, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. It's kinda funny, but I thought about you while I was writing this sickening ending. When a long time ago, I wrote a twisted cat story that you couldn't finish reading the last chapter because it was so graphic. We have both come a long way dear. You in even writing a horror piece, and me starting to learn the basics. ((HUG)) Thanks, my friend.
reply by Phyllis Stewart on 10-Aug-2015
    When couples spend a lot of time with each other, their ways do tend to rub off so that they become more alike. This may be a sign that we're seeing too much of each other. LOL! :)
reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
    LOL! :-)
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hey, Ric....

_ Nice to see your story pop up. (*>*)
_ I really like this story.
_ Since you mentioned needing to cut down on verbiage, I took the liberty of a quick rewrite.
_ I'll send via personal message.
_ No disrespect intended, so use or lose my suggestions as you see fit.

<< Typo: eight / eighth
_ her thirty-eight birthday and,

<< Two words: fencerow / fence row

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
    Yes, I'm the worlds worst at reading right through my mistakes, and of course when someone else points them out, I can't imagine how they got past me. LOL. Well, so far it's about 50/50 on fencerow/fence row, and what really makes that funny is, it was a typing blunder for me, now I'm torn between what's right and wrong. Oh, well, I can't thank you enough for spending time to rewrite and show me how I can cut down the fluff, and I'm looking forward to reading it. I know that I could have eliminated so much of that fluff, but I chose not to, so that I could catch the reader off guard smothered in fluff. LOL. Now, maybe I can do both. Thanks for much for taking time to read and offer suggestions about my story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
reply by Jacqueline M Franklin on 10-Aug-2015
    You are very welcome.

    It was a lot of fun. However, I did leave Miranda hanging in the breeze while I did so. She's such a temperamental old broad! LOL I suppose dear Fred is responsible, the poor slime bucket.

    I usually go with whatever the dictionary says when it comes to one word versus two word. UNLESS, I look at a couple of dictionaries and get two different spellings---then I go with what 'moi' likes best! (*<*)
Comment from sandragee
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Nice job with the clues. John returned home early, drove into the farm from the back entrance, walked to the house instead of getting a lift from Charlie, surprising his wife at the computer. The clues were planted for us to see that John's perfect day was going to end badly for someone, but still the ending was shocking. Well done.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
    Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from country ranch writer
Excellent
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holy cow he did this with no idea who the other guy was. he killed her now he spends his life in jail no remorse does he show for what he done

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
    Thank you so much for taking time to ready my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
reply by country ranch writer on 11-Aug-2015
    s m i l e s
Comment from Ben Colder
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Not much into this genre, but you did well for flash fiction. She must have met a Muslim with the beheading concept. LOL. This is good. Finally catching her breath, she said, "Oh, my, God. You have almost scared me to death." She was trying to force a smile, but her expression more resembled a kid straining not to poop.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
    Thank you so much, Ben, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Someone keeps telling me to get out of my comfort zone if I want to get better, but I have to say that this is about as much out of my comfort zone as I'm capable of going. Oh, Yes, glad you caught the little touch of silly humor. I had to lighten the mood a little some way. Appreciate you, my friend. :-)
reply by Ben Colder on 10-Aug-2015
    Well done.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a great story that the author has created with this piece of writing. I tried flash fiction myself, but I was absolutely hopeless. You are much better. Well done.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2015


reply by the author on 10-Aug-2015
    Tomes, my friend, thank you so much for taking your time to read my story. I'm always honored when such talented writers as you read and review my work. I'm even more delighted when I get such kind words, comments, and generous reviews. Appreciate you. :-)
reply by Tomes Johnston on 11-Aug-2015
    I loved reading it. Take care.