haiku (on a sun scorched beach)
haiku-grave contest entry90 total reviews
Comment from Curly Girly
To me, this fits the haiku criteria spot-on:
on a sun-scorched beach
few spots remain open
men fight to fill them
It has minimal punctuation and is 5-6-5, which is 17 syllables or less.
The verse tells of a sad truth.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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To me, this fits the haiku criteria spot-on:
on a sun-scorched beach
few spots remain open
men fight to fill them
It has minimal punctuation and is 5-6-5, which is 17 syllables or less.
The verse tells of a sad truth.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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Yes, it is sad, Nichole. So many unmarked graves remain on many beaches, in fields, or heaven knows where else, all across the globe. Places where brave young men and women fought, died, and were buried where they fell, all in the name of freedom.
Thanks so much for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I certainly do appreciate it. :-)
Comment from AvL
These words are as stark and unforgiving as the mutely eloquent photograph that is attached to them. Simply powerful, and powerfully simple.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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These words are as stark and unforgiving as the mutely eloquent photograph that is attached to them. Simply powerful, and powerfully simple.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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I like that, Haiku-guy. "Simply powerful, and powerfully simple." I'm going to try to remember that.
Thanks for you encouraging comments and time, my friend. I certainly appreciate your feedback. :)
Comment from lakeport
On a sun scorching beach, indeed that must have been horrible, that's a dramatic Haiku. Good luck at the contest, God bless you. Lakeport.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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On a sun scorching beach, indeed that must have been horrible, that's a dramatic Haiku. Good luck at the contest, God bless you. Lakeport.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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Thank you for your encouragement, lakeport, and God bless you as well. I appreciate your review. :-)
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you are very welcome. lakeport.
Comment from JanPerry
16 syllables. The competition is for the men to die fighting on the beach.
(the beach and spots being concrete imagery). good luck for the entry.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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16 syllables. The competition is for the men to die fighting on the beach.
(the beach and spots being concrete imagery). good luck for the entry.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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I used the word "open" in reference to an "open" grave, since this is a haiku-grave contest. In other words, the beach was so filled with open graves, there were few spots left "open" but many men fighting and dying to fill them. However, you can't just come right out and say that, not in haiku, Jan. The nuances must be subtle so the tell-tale "Ah-ha!" moment sort of sneaks up on your readers. These brave men and women fought and died on those blood-soaked beaches, only to be placed into empty, unmarked graves, thousands of miles away from home, and everything they held dear. This entire haiku is just one big double entendre. It could be just guys fighting to be close to all the bathing beauties already on the beach, if it weren't for the photo.
Thanks for your review.
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I thought it may be you with the typing decorations. Wish I could find that. Have copied one typing scribble from you. You sound really, nice are you single per chance? lol
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I am now. I was married for over 22 years (it would have been 23 this August) but the kids grew up, started doing their own thing, and we realized how much we'd grown apart. We separated this past May, on the 18th.
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ok, sorry for that.
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No worries, it was a mutual decision. Life goes on. :)
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ok your free then. hehehe evil laughter
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As free as Lynard Synard's birds, Jan, heh-heh... ;}
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Lovely. You have a poetic answer for everything. Put those books away!! heh heh
Comment from TAB_that's me
This is a good haiku written in good form. The satori is good - I had to think about it which is what it should do. good luck in the contest.
Teresa
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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This is a good haiku written in good form. The satori is good - I had to think about it which is what it should do. good luck in the contest.
Teresa
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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I used the word "open" in reference to an "open" grave, since this is a haiku-grave contest. In other words, the beach was so filled with open graves, there were few spots left but many men fighting and dying to fill them.
Many brave men and women fought and died on those blood-soaked beaches, only to be placed into empty, unmarked graves, thousands of miles away from home, and everything they held dear. This entire haiku is just one big double entendre, Teresa. It could be just guys fighting to be close to all the bathing beauties already on the beach, if it weren't for the photo. With the photo however, it honors all of those who sacrificed everything--gave their lives-- so you and I...along with everyone else...could enjoy the freedoms and liberties we do today.
Thanks so much for your review.
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Yep, I figured it was the war in those desert areas.
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Or the beaches, like Normandy or Tarawa, "t".
:)
Comment from Janet7053
This is wonderful and profound. One of my mottoes is "Less is More." These few words just pop with meaning.
Bless our military!
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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This is wonderful and profound. One of my mottoes is "Less is More." These few words just pop with meaning.
Bless our military!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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Bless our men and women in uniform indeed, Janet! I agree with you on another point as well. In haiku, less is always better.
Thanks so much for your review and encouragement. I sincerely appreciate it! :)
Comment from Irish Rain
This is sadly true. World War Two? I've read of the death toll and misery of the beaches...Saving Private Ryan...begins with this. Beautiful haiku.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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This is sadly true. World War Two? I've read of the death toll and misery of the beaches...Saving Private Ryan...begins with this. Beautiful haiku.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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I've watched the particular film probably more than a hundred times, Irish, and that's not an exaggeration. It has to be the most realistic depiction of the invasion of Normandy ever produced. Fury, with Brad Pitt comes close as far as dramas go, but Tom Hanks and supporting cast in Saving Private Ryan are superb.
Thanks so much for taking the time to review and comment on my haiku entry. I greatly appreciate the encouragement. :)
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a beautiful entry...sadly...I never got beyond the beach opening of that movie...I was horrified...I'll have to try to brave it again....blessings!
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Just skip past the beachhead scenes, and get to the real "meat" of the movie. If you haven't already, you'll be very glad you did. Saving Private Ryan is to war films what The Notebook is to a love story.
~Dean
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I will do....I LOVE movies, and have never seen 'The Notebook' either...dang...where have I been!
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Well, if you can watch the Notebook without balling your eyes out, then you are more of a man than me, lol. ;)
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I'm a woman, ha ha...so I probably can't! BUT I will certainly watch it!
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Well, I get really emotional during a lot of films, and I ain't the least bit ashamed to admit it, either, LOL. My Dog Skip, Hatchi (with Richard Gere), and the aforementioned The Notebook never fail to make me cry like a baby. Every...single...time. :(
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That is SOOOO sweet...and appropriate! Never saw Hatchi....dang....I gotta hit Redbox!
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Geesh, Irish. What movies HAVE you been watching? You need to get out more, heh-heh... ;)
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I know!!!!!
Comment from mermaids
Your words are eery and capture the loss and sacrifice of soldiers. Men fight to fill them is a strong line that fits the end of the poem. It shows the horror of war. My father fought at Anzio Beach in WWII, so your poem reminds me of him. Excellent use of words.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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Your words are eery and capture the loss and sacrifice of soldiers. Men fight to fill them is a strong line that fits the end of the poem. It shows the horror of war. My father fought at Anzio Beach in WWII, so your poem reminds me of him. Excellent use of words.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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I wanted to honor the sacrifices of all of the brave men and women who have fought, died, and were placed in make-shift, unmarked graves all over the world, mermaids, not just simply write about a cemetery or gave somewhere. Being a former veteran myself, I appreciate you father's and your families sacrifice for our country.
Thanks so much for your encouraging comments and review. As always, I appreciate it. :)
Comment from seaglass
"on a sun-scorched beach... few spots remain open...men fight to fill them..." This is a bleak reminder of the losses we, as humanity, accept in war. The dark colors appropriately represent the sad message.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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"on a sun-scorched beach... few spots remain open...men fight to fill them..." This is a bleak reminder of the losses we, as humanity, accept in war. The dark colors appropriately represent the sad message.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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Thanks, seaglass. I very much appreciate your review and comments. :)
Comment from Eric1
Hi mystery author, I have to say this is an excellent entry for this particular competition, Your very poignant words are an excellent choice, and that image is awesome! I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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Hi mystery author, I have to say this is an excellent entry for this particular competition, Your very poignant words are an excellent choice, and that image is awesome! I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2015
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Thank you, Eric. You being the WWII buff that you are, I'm sure you appreciate all veterans sacrifices as much as anyone else.
I very much appreciate your kind comments and review, my friend :}
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I will look for the competition my friend.
