Attention Span
Reality Doesn't Exist If You Are Not Looking - a Ballade63 total reviews
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Very interesting notes. Well written poem that paints the rather true statement that love only lasts as long as the attention span of the two involved does. Then it is gone with the wind. This well written poem depicts this theme very nicely indeed. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
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Very interesting notes. Well written poem that paints the rather true statement that love only lasts as long as the attention span of the two involved does. Then it is gone with the wind. This well written poem depicts this theme very nicely indeed. Well done.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015
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Thanks, Brett. I appreciate your review! Tony
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Tony, this is a joy to read. Very well written on a subject that blows my mind if I dwell on the subject too long. Quantum physics and the knowledge of the Universe is mind blowing and far beyond understanding but you have written a really brilliant poem simplifying it for the likes of me. Putting it very simply - if you aren't looking at it it does not exist? How weird is that. I love your last line 'Our future lies in our attention span' LOL. - worth more than a 6 - a superior piece of work. Warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Tony, this is a joy to read. Very well written on a subject that blows my mind if I dwell on the subject too long. Quantum physics and the knowledge of the Universe is mind blowing and far beyond understanding but you have written a really brilliant poem simplifying it for the likes of me. Putting it very simply - if you aren't looking at it it does not exist? How weird is that. I love your last line 'Our future lies in our attention span' LOL. - worth more than a 6 - a superior piece of work. Warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Such a lovely review, Dorothy, and thank you so much for the accompanying six stars. I have to say that I don't understand it either. Hence the flippant treatment! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from kiwijenny
Wow, I must keep looking then. So a blink what is that in quantum physics ? What does the quantum part mean? So is this like Albert Camus. It's kind of depressing. Is God's gaze what keeps us real? That's a comfort I don't think God blinks though He did turn His eyes when his son was on the cross. Wow you made me think and you get a six for that Tony..think and my eyes are watering......why?
God bless
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Wow, I must keep looking then. So a blink what is that in quantum physics ? What does the quantum part mean? So is this like Albert Camus. It's kind of depressing. Is God's gaze what keeps us real? That's a comfort I don't think God blinks though He did turn His eyes when his son was on the cross. Wow you made me think and you get a six for that Tony..think and my eyes are watering......why?
God bless
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Thanks for your review and for the six stars, Jenny. So glad to hear that I have increased your watchfulness! I have little idea of what the real meaning of quantum is - hence my somewhat flippant approach to the subject. Thinking too hard makes my eyes water, too. LOL
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
The fabric of reality is different for everyone. Perception is all. Two people observe for the same thing happening but cannot give a complete, agreed recollection.
Experiences and life impact in varying ways, and colour that perception.
Great poem and use of the scientific concept.
Very nicely done
GMG
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Hi there,
The fabric of reality is different for everyone. Perception is all. Two people observe for the same thing happening but cannot give a complete, agreed recollection.
Experiences and life impact in varying ways, and colour that perception.
Great poem and use of the scientific concept.
Very nicely done
GMG
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Thanks, GMG. It's a good thing we all have different ways of perceiving things - otherwise poetry would be rather dull!
Comment from rama devi
Quantum physics says I shall cease to be
should you decide to shift your loving gaze
and turn your eyes elsewhere, away from me;
You have it in your power to end my days.
Witty opening! How clever to use the truth from Quantum physics as the foundation for a love poem! Superb originality! Love it!
thanks for the details of the form in your notes, too, as it's such a musical form, I might try one! Is there a meter-rule for this form? Seems like it is iambic. you might want to add that to your notes. :)
If it IS iambic, strictly, then I am unsure about the opening line's scansion,
Quantum physics says I shall cease to be
quanTUM is not correct, to my hear. It should be QUANTum
Same for physics. PHYSics not physICS
But metrical substitution is allowed...and if there is no strict rule on meter, I think this works fine.
Optional suggestions:
*
Love this line (and fun rhyme):
My future lies in your attention span.
Superb rhymes here and flow:
Though I'm enchained, your eyes can set me free
to live a life of bliss. My fancy plays
with cheerful thoughts of domesticity
with you, my love, my life, my only craze.
I offer you the world! Attention pays(,)
when such an offer's made. I'm rich. I can
bestow great wealth, so if you're wise, appraise...
Your future lies in your attention span.
Clever shift of perspective here--almost like a volta...and subtly satirical Love it:
There is another side to this! You see,
if my attention lapses and eyes glaze
when foolish tantrums make us disagree,
you'll find that quantum physics works both ways.
I glance away and you become a phrase
deleted from my life. Our blissful plan
will slip its sheets, adrift from loosened stays.
Your future lies in my attention span.
Superb use of PHRASE DELETED and also using SHEETS (implying a pun).
Excellent closing, almost like a coda to a song, and with a fine message:
How quickly love unravels. When it frays
for lack of caring love, as it sure can,
thoughts each for other re-ignite the blaze.
Our future lies in our attention span.
Enjoyed this a ton. Do refreshingly creative and expressive and witty.
Almost a six.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Quantum physics says I shall cease to be
should you decide to shift your loving gaze
and turn your eyes elsewhere, away from me;
You have it in your power to end my days.
Witty opening! How clever to use the truth from Quantum physics as the foundation for a love poem! Superb originality! Love it!
thanks for the details of the form in your notes, too, as it's such a musical form, I might try one! Is there a meter-rule for this form? Seems like it is iambic. you might want to add that to your notes. :)
If it IS iambic, strictly, then I am unsure about the opening line's scansion,
Quantum physics says I shall cease to be
quanTUM is not correct, to my hear. It should be QUANTum
Same for physics. PHYSics not physICS
But metrical substitution is allowed...and if there is no strict rule on meter, I think this works fine.
Optional suggestions:
*
Love this line (and fun rhyme):
My future lies in your attention span.
Superb rhymes here and flow:
Though I'm enchained, your eyes can set me free
to live a life of bliss. My fancy plays
with cheerful thoughts of domesticity
with you, my love, my life, my only craze.
I offer you the world! Attention pays(,)
when such an offer's made. I'm rich. I can
bestow great wealth, so if you're wise, appraise...
Your future lies in your attention span.
Clever shift of perspective here--almost like a volta...and subtly satirical Love it:
There is another side to this! You see,
if my attention lapses and eyes glaze
when foolish tantrums make us disagree,
you'll find that quantum physics works both ways.
I glance away and you become a phrase
deleted from my life. Our blissful plan
will slip its sheets, adrift from loosened stays.
Your future lies in my attention span.
Superb use of PHRASE DELETED and also using SHEETS (implying a pun).
Excellent closing, almost like a coda to a song, and with a fine message:
How quickly love unravels. When it frays
for lack of caring love, as it sure can,
thoughts each for other re-ignite the blaze.
Our future lies in our attention span.
Enjoyed this a ton. Do refreshingly creative and expressive and witty.
Almost a six.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Many thanks for your review and astute observations, as always. As far as I know, thee is no requirement for a Ballade to be written in iambic pentameter - at least, none is mentioned on the website of the American Academy of Poets, from which I got my information. If I'm wrong, then I shall plead metrical substitution! Thank you for the 'almost' six! Tony
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Thanks for your gracious response, Tony. Warm Smiles, rd
Comment from lightink
It's a very captivating poem with intelligent humor and beautiful structure! In a parallel universe, you are having a lot of fun with F. Villon! While the quantum physics metaphor is very funny, it hides (yet highlights) the sentiment of the ultimate vulnerability of love. The feeling that can make the beloved look like something from the macro world while we feel like a tiny particle at the mercy of the capricious gaze of the other. In a way, this poem describes a certain lack of object constancy while playing with the idea of quantum physics. This poem touched me in two very different ways: it invited me to keep playing with quantum theories in my mind; and it also whispered a bashful story about the power of a relationship intertwined with idealization, grandiosity and fear. Thank you very much for sharing this work! It definitely seems to be a labor of love (and intellect) :)
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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It's a very captivating poem with intelligent humor and beautiful structure! In a parallel universe, you are having a lot of fun with F. Villon! While the quantum physics metaphor is very funny, it hides (yet highlights) the sentiment of the ultimate vulnerability of love. The feeling that can make the beloved look like something from the macro world while we feel like a tiny particle at the mercy of the capricious gaze of the other. In a way, this poem describes a certain lack of object constancy while playing with the idea of quantum physics. This poem touched me in two very different ways: it invited me to keep playing with quantum theories in my mind; and it also whispered a bashful story about the power of a relationship intertwined with idealization, grandiosity and fear. Thank you very much for sharing this work! It definitely seems to be a labor of love (and intellect) :)
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Many thanks for your interesting review and comments, lightink. Much appreciated. I used to have a little knowledge of Physics but I stopped paying attention and it disappeared! Tony
Comment from royowen
Beautifully worded and an exercise in poetic futility, I wish I knew what on earth your talking about Tony, perhaps I'm just a halfwit! I must be just an arty farty. But very clever, I wouldn't even attempt this one, my admiration, Tony, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Beautifully worded and an exercise in poetic futility, I wish I knew what on earth your talking about Tony, perhaps I'm just a halfwit! I must be just an arty farty. But very clever, I wouldn't even attempt this one, my admiration, Tony, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Many thanks for your entertaining review, Roy. I don't really know what I was talking about either, so you're in good company.
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Well done but, you're talent personified Tony,
Comment from June Estep Fiorelli
This was a thoroughly delightful poem. I enjoyed the humor and the play with words required to accomplish the rhyme requirements; it was not an easy task. I wondered if substituting phase for phrase in stanza 2 would work for you. Also, I would like to suggest reworking the words "as it sure can". I know you have to maintain the rhyme, but this sounds so slangy compared with the rest of your excellent poem. Just some thoughts. Thanks...I enjoyed reading your poem.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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This was a thoroughly delightful poem. I enjoyed the humor and the play with words required to accomplish the rhyme requirements; it was not an easy task. I wondered if substituting phase for phrase in stanza 2 would work for you. Also, I would like to suggest reworking the words "as it sure can". I know you have to maintain the rhyme, but this sounds so slangy compared with the rest of your excellent poem. Just some thoughts. Thanks...I enjoyed reading your poem.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Thank you for your intelligent review and comments, June. I see where you are coming from with phase/phrase and shall have to give it some thought. I had already used 'phase' as a rhyme in the first stanza and didn't want to repeat it. I guess, as a poet, my mind turned to the idea of a deleted phrase. I hoped I would get away with 'it sure can' in view of my flippant approach to the subject. I didn't much like it either, but I was running out of rhyming options! The Ballade requires one to think carefully about which words to choose for the end rhyme. 'Span' wasn't such a great choice!
Comment from Eigle Rull
This was a very well written poem. It had great flow and the rhyming was flawless. I really enjoyed reading these strong, stylish words. You are an amazing poet, my friend.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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This was a very well written poem. It had great flow and the rhyming was flawless. I really enjoyed reading these strong, stylish words. You are an amazing poet, my friend.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015
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Thank you so much for your flattering review, Eigle Rull. Much appreciated. Tony
Comment from hannahorion
(Thanks for the information on Ballade - I was unfamiliar with it)
Ballade: Title: Attention Span. Theme: Gaze upon each lest you will cease to exist. Comment: This is a beautiful love poem which suggests (according to quantum physics) that if the lovers do not gaze upon each other they will cease to exist. This is a unique and original concept which demonstrates inspiration. The language of the poetry has not suffered under the burden of this concept either as each stanza supports vivid imagery and descriptive wording. I just had to read it several times to drink in its wit. I gave it five stars.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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(Thanks for the information on Ballade - I was unfamiliar with it)
Ballade: Title: Attention Span. Theme: Gaze upon each lest you will cease to exist. Comment: This is a beautiful love poem which suggests (according to quantum physics) that if the lovers do not gaze upon each other they will cease to exist. This is a unique and original concept which demonstrates inspiration. The language of the poetry has not suffered under the burden of this concept either as each stanza supports vivid imagery and descriptive wording. I just had to read it several times to drink in its wit. I gave it five stars.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2015
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Thanks for reading and reviewing, Hanna. I appreciate your comments. Tony
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You are welcome
