Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 98 "Hungry"Dawn of Chaos
27 total reviews
Comment from KyColonel Randal
Thank you for sharing. There are several subject/verb agreement issues, missing articles, etc., that make this poem sound like it was written by someone who is not a native English speaker and has not mastered the language. Also, awkward syntax such as: "I am smiling in a soar inside clouds" sounds like a bad translation. This would make more sense as: "I am smiling as I soar among the clouds."
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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2016
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Thank you for sharing. There are several subject/verb agreement issues, missing articles, etc., that make this poem sound like it was written by someone who is not a native English speaker and has not mastered the language. Also, awkward syntax such as: "I am smiling in a soar inside clouds" sounds like a bad translation. This would make more sense as: "I am smiling as I soar among the clouds."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2016
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2016
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You are absolutely correct, my grammar is shot, good old school care for students. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed views.
Comment from Selina Stambi
You seem to have really entered your co-worker's head, it seems! I could almost smell and taste along with him.
Expressive free verse. Nicely done, TPAC.
Sonali
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2015
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You seem to have really entered your co-worker's head, it seems! I could almost smell and taste along with him.
Expressive free verse. Nicely done, TPAC.
Sonali
Comment Written 14-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2015
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Delighted you found interests in this work. Thanking you for generous rate and comforting remarks.
Comment from OLA THOMAS
This is a well penned poem. You made use of descriptive phrases to convey your message and you drove the poem along with passion. I like some alliterations in the poem: Tongue-tangling-their
mind-mouth.
Nicely done.
ola thomas
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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This is a well penned poem. You made use of descriptive phrases to convey your message and you drove the poem along with passion. I like some alliterations in the poem: Tongue-tangling-their
mind-mouth.
Nicely done.
ola thomas
Comment Written 14-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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Glad you found interests in this work. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging statements which are appreciated.
Comment from dragonpoet
This shows a love of food all around. The person thinking of the meal and the people listening to it.
The poem has very strong imagery of a rich layout of food that matches the opulence of the place it is offered.
Nice depiction of the dream.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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This shows a love of food all around. The person thinking of the meal and the people listening to it.
The poem has very strong imagery of a rich layout of food that matches the opulence of the place it is offered.
Nice depiction of the dream.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 14-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2015
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I thank you for your touching comments and so welcomed response plus generous rate.
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You're welcome on all accounts
dragonpoet
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
Everybody has to eat and eating can be an enjoyable experience. The person in this poem talked about drifting off to the clouds. Then the eating part began, and at the end was a little piggy. Well done!
~gypsy
`~
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2015
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Hello :)
Everybody has to eat and eating can be an enjoyable experience. The person in this poem talked about drifting off to the clouds. Then the eating part began, and at the end was a little piggy. Well done!
~gypsy
`~
Comment Written 12-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2015
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Together agreement about this work attempted intent. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed comments
Comment from w.j.debi
Ah, dreams make waking life seem dull sometimes. What a smorgasbord of treats invaded the dreams of the character in the poem. They seem so satisfyingly delicious, too. I wonder if he woke up hungry?!
Creative imagery and good descriptions made this fun to read.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Ah, dreams make waking life seem dull sometimes. What a smorgasbord of treats invaded the dreams of the character in the poem. They seem so satisfyingly delicious, too. I wonder if he woke up hungry?!
Creative imagery and good descriptions made this fun to read.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thanking you for generous rate with comforting comments.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Eating can be a rather enjoyable past time for many people. First part of this poem seemed you were talking more about drifting off with the clouds. Had to get to the middle portion of the poem before the eating part began, to include him being a little slob at the end. Well written.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Eating can be a rather enjoyable past time for many people. First part of this poem seemed you were talking more about drifting off with the clouds. Had to get to the middle portion of the poem before the eating part began, to include him being a little slob at the end. Well written.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Mis-direction to capture reader off guard. Glad you found interests. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating comments.
Comment from MSJVClarke
This is an intriguing poem. I liked the pace and the tone of the poem. Your words flowed smoothly and intensly. It was easy to envison the journey. I might suggest you check the last word "slob". Did you mean "sob"?
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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This is an intriguing poem. I liked the pace and the tone of the poem. Your words flowed smoothly and intensly. It was easy to envison the journey. I might suggest you check the last word "slob". Did you mean "sob"?
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Drip let from mouth. Bad in taste but accurate in account. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed thoughts.
Comment from Kingsrookviii
If I read this correctly, I find a very abstract conceptualization of a consuming act in the literal sense being described and expounded on in definition through symbolic and very, very imaginative interpretation of the sensory experience coupling with psychedelic-like trip to be continued? Part of a larger work.
Wow. You have an interesting work going on. Great work. Bruce.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2015
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If I read this correctly, I find a very abstract conceptualization of a consuming act in the literal sense being described and expounded on in definition through symbolic and very, very imaginative interpretation of the sensory experience coupling with psychedelic-like trip to be continued? Part of a larger work.
Wow. You have an interesting work going on. Great work. Bruce.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2015
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I wish I had your vision honest a memory of a co-worker in a daydream while talking about food he lost his concentration. I like your insights better. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed comments.
Comment from sibhus
Let out a little slob? I'm just curious if this is meant to be sob, or are you trying to imply that he is a slob? Still, the rest of the poem is very well written with excellent images that really paints a vibrant picture of tantalizing foods. Actually, I was getting a little hungry reading this. Good job.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2015
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Let out a little slob? I'm just curious if this is meant to be sob, or are you trying to imply that he is a slob? Still, the rest of the poem is very well written with excellent images that really paints a vibrant picture of tantalizing foods. Actually, I was getting a little hungry reading this. Good job.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2015
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No slob -lust for food saliva extraction from mouth. Poor breed, I blame the government but its me. Glad the taste thoughts were conveyed. Thanking you for all said and done.
