Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 263 "Yellow Lilies"Small and Specialty Poems
8 total reviews
Comment from lakeport
Yellow Lilies, indeed that's a beautiful and colorful flower, That's a very nice expressed poem, nice in form, I enjoyed reading it, God bless you. Lakeport.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2015
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Yellow Lilies, indeed that's a beautiful and colorful flower, That's a very nice expressed poem, nice in form, I enjoyed reading it, God bless you. Lakeport.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2015
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Lakeport.
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you are very welcome.Lakeport.
Comment from Joan E.
I'm glad you returned to your brother's yard for inspiration and found these vibrant lilies--I had no idea they have edible roots. I enjoyed the circularity of the Couplet Sonnet and your rhymes. A lovely way to commemorate the anniversary as well. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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I'm glad you returned to your brother's yard for inspiration and found these vibrant lilies--I had no idea they have edible roots. I enjoyed the circularity of the Couplet Sonnet and your rhymes. A lovely way to commemorate the anniversary as well. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Thank you Joan. They loved it.
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I am pleased they agreed with me! Write on- Joan
Comment from TPAC
I find this write interesting not solely for topic but felt aims in this write, indeed I feel writer has carried the structuring well -I feel their end impact lost
suggestion
The culinary Asian taste.
That's why we love to cultivate
They look delightful in a vase.
But, lily colors we most prize,
I like morning glories
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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I find this write interesting not solely for topic but felt aims in this write, indeed I feel writer has carried the structuring well -I feel their end impact lost
suggestion
The culinary Asian taste.
That's why we love to cultivate
They look delightful in a vase.
But, lily colors we most prize,
I like morning glories
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Thank you TPAC. Good suggestion, but that would break the couplet pattern.
Comment from Benny Beeharry
I love lilies too. Yhey are always of bright colours. In fact I have already bought some for the next year growing.
And this writing brings a fortaste. Very nice written ,detailed abut easy to follow.
Benny Beeharry
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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I love lilies too. Yhey are always of bright colours. In fact I have already bought some for the next year growing.
And this writing brings a fortaste. Very nice written ,detailed abut easy to follow.
Benny Beeharry
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Thank you Benny. You are smart to plan ahead. I appreciate your comments and sharing.
Comment from hannahorion
This sonnet is true to form and as such its meter is easy to read and its rhyme scheme faultless. It has a comfortable feel to its descriptive verse as if one has read it before and will read it again. The poem demonstrates a great deal of thought in its construction with the end result being a familiar language that facilitates understanding. It is a pleasure to read it.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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This sonnet is true to form and as such its meter is easy to read and its rhyme scheme faultless. It has a comfortable feel to its descriptive verse as if one has read it before and will read it again. The poem demonstrates a great deal of thought in its construction with the end result being a familiar language that facilitates understanding. It is a pleasure to read it.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much Hanna, i relish your comments and salute your assessment.
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My pleasure.
Comment from Pantygynt
Yet another sonnet form. Your cruise, like the biblical widow's will never empty! Truly a beautiful flower, it seems almost a waste to eat their roots. One point. Should not "stamen" in line 2 be stamens in this instance - "their stamens"?
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Yet another sonnet form. Your cruise, like the biblical widow's will never empty! Truly a beautiful flower, it seems almost a waste to eat their roots. One point. Should not "stamen" in line 2 be stamens in this instance - "their stamens"?
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Thank you Pantygynt. I think it works either way. You are likely correct. I took stamen to be plural, like woman - women. So i checked Webster's and you are correct. Ill fix it.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Very beautiful sonnet. The lillies are beautiful. Yellow flowers is my favourite colour and the meaning of yellow to be joy is making me joyful, I see yellow flowers as presenting the warmth of the sun. Love your rhyming, have to look up the word appease in the dictionary though.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Very beautiful sonnet. The lillies are beautiful. Yellow flowers is my favourite colour and the meaning of yellow to be joy is making me joyful, I see yellow flowers as presenting the warmth of the sun. Love your rhyming, have to look up the word appease in the dictionary though.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Thank you Sandra. That color really grabs attention. They do glow like the sun.
Comment from mvbrooks
It's a beautiful poem--but in phrasing and in the imagery it evokes. I enjoyed reading it.
A suggestion"
"These lilies add their golden glow
Wherever their bright petals show.
Their stamen lift to taste the air. "
These first three lines suggest that you are talking in the plural, of many of these flowers. However, the next line:
"Its petals open wide to share "
jumps to singular. Consider possibly maintaining the plural by changing "its" to "as" The other alternative is to let the reader know you are shifting from many to one flower.
In line 6, the poem again shifts abruptly to singular:
"Its bulbous roots can help appease "
--consider changing "its" to "their
Otherwise, the rest of the poem keeps the focus on plural flowers.
The shifting from plural to singular to plural effected the poem's pacing for me.
(I still enjoyed the poem)
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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It's a beautiful poem--but in phrasing and in the imagery it evokes. I enjoyed reading it.
A suggestion"
"These lilies add their golden glow
Wherever their bright petals show.
Their stamen lift to taste the air. "
These first three lines suggest that you are talking in the plural, of many of these flowers. However, the next line:
"Its petals open wide to share "
jumps to singular. Consider possibly maintaining the plural by changing "its" to "as" The other alternative is to let the reader know you are shifting from many to one flower.
In line 6, the poem again shifts abruptly to singular:
"Its bulbous roots can help appease "
--consider changing "its" to "their
Otherwise, the rest of the poem keeps the focus on plural flowers.
The shifting from plural to singular to plural effected the poem's pacing for me.
(I still enjoyed the poem)
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thank you mvbrooks. I appreciate your comments and incorporated both suggestions.
