Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 270 "Wander With a Friend"Small and Specialty Poems
11 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
I absolutely love the lilt of this rhyme... it just soothes my soul... it fits with the beat of my inner drummer, I think
for some reason, iambic pentameter sort of sticks in my crawl. ;)
(can I say that to a studied poet?) LOL
There is an inner rhythm to all of us... and mine just isn't iambic pentameter...
perhaps iambic tetrameter... or something else... but this is lovely... and your photograph, just the entire mood sets well with me.
'At the end of the day that's forever,
When the weight of the world feels so heavy,
On the edge of the night you may wander,
In the hope to release day's endeavors
You may meet with a friend at the levee
And discuss what philosophers ponder.'
(just so lovely... that's my kind of walk... and with a dog. I like it)
'For the path may be dark that you travel,
But a pal and her dog, prancing along,
Make it easy to see when shared with three,
That the knots of the day may unravel
That's because they just shouldn't belong,
And with them you become more carefree. '
(the first stanza for me, plays a little easier... the last two lines of this one seems to catch up somehow... like, stutter a little... not sure why?... and the use of the word, pal didn't seem in keeping with the first stanza... couldn't you say, "with a friend..."
and the ending couplet:
'There is nothing better than evening time walks
With a frisky dog and with friendly talks. '
(I just really liked this poem... it has a mood which sets the entire thing for me... i might try one of these sometime when I feel the need to...)
thanks Treischel... as always, it's a pleasure!
Cat
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2015
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I absolutely love the lilt of this rhyme... it just soothes my soul... it fits with the beat of my inner drummer, I think
for some reason, iambic pentameter sort of sticks in my crawl. ;)
(can I say that to a studied poet?) LOL
There is an inner rhythm to all of us... and mine just isn't iambic pentameter...
perhaps iambic tetrameter... or something else... but this is lovely... and your photograph, just the entire mood sets well with me.
'At the end of the day that's forever,
When the weight of the world feels so heavy,
On the edge of the night you may wander,
In the hope to release day's endeavors
You may meet with a friend at the levee
And discuss what philosophers ponder.'
(just so lovely... that's my kind of walk... and with a dog. I like it)
'For the path may be dark that you travel,
But a pal and her dog, prancing along,
Make it easy to see when shared with three,
That the knots of the day may unravel
That's because they just shouldn't belong,
And with them you become more carefree. '
(the first stanza for me, plays a little easier... the last two lines of this one seems to catch up somehow... like, stutter a little... not sure why?... and the use of the word, pal didn't seem in keeping with the first stanza... couldn't you say, "with a friend..."
and the ending couplet:
'There is nothing better than evening time walks
With a frisky dog and with friendly talks. '
(I just really liked this poem... it has a mood which sets the entire thing for me... i might try one of these sometime when I feel the need to...)
thanks Treischel... as always, it's a pleasure!
Cat
Comment Written 18-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2015
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Thank you Cat. Anapestic rhyme can have several different cadenced when blended to pentameter depentvwhere you put the extra syllable in the line. I switched it up a bit in the second stanza. That wouldn't happen with 9 or 12 syllables, but that might be boring. If you want a good example "'Twas the Night before Christmas" is all 12 syllable Anapestic.
Comment from artemis53
I like the sentiment of this poem. Those intimate discussions are priceless to alleviate the pressures built up during the day of often terse words.
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reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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I like the sentiment of this poem. Those intimate discussions are priceless to alleviate the pressures built up during the day of often terse words.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2015
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Thank you Diane. Yes, it is one very nice way to unwind. Also, right up your alley, as the sky will soon be dark.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
You are very good at writing sonnets. This one is about friendship. I admire poets that can write sonnets, they are hard for me, too many rules to follow.
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2015
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You are very good at writing sonnets. This one is about friendship. I admire poets that can write sonnets, they are hard for me, too many rules to follow.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jul-2015
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Thank you Gypsy Blue Rose.
Comment from Pantygynt
I think you have had problems with this poem. You posted it yester but whe I went to lok it had been withdraw. Now here it is again. I read your extensive notes first, for which thank you, and launched into the first stanza, which I liked immediately. The anapestic trimeter worked beautifuly. The only change I would make were it mine would be to make 'endeavours' singular. There would be nothing lost in meaning and the stronger full rhyme of 'endeavour' seemed to me to work better than the assonance of the plural given the space between the the rhyming lines.
I have to admit to having problems with the second stanza. This could be a cultural divide thing because I want to stress the second syllable of along because that's how we say it. The third line completely throws me. I think it's the internal rhyme, with which I would normally have no problem but for me it completes the unbalanced feel begun in the previous line.
I have repeated it aloud several time but it just wont work for me. To make it work for me I had to cut out 'they're' in line 2 and then it came out sounding and feeling better, even the intermnal rhyme worked, but of course that left line2 with only nine syllables but then its rhyme-mate (line5) also has only nine. I don't think any meaning is lost by excising they're either. I'd love to know your reaction to these points.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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I think you have had problems with this poem. You posted it yester but whe I went to lok it had been withdraw. Now here it is again. I read your extensive notes first, for which thank you, and launched into the first stanza, which I liked immediately. The anapestic trimeter worked beautifuly. The only change I would make were it mine would be to make 'endeavours' singular. There would be nothing lost in meaning and the stronger full rhyme of 'endeavour' seemed to me to work better than the assonance of the plural given the space between the the rhyming lines.
I have to admit to having problems with the second stanza. This could be a cultural divide thing because I want to stress the second syllable of along because that's how we say it. The third line completely throws me. I think it's the internal rhyme, with which I would normally have no problem but for me it completes the unbalanced feel begun in the previous line.
I have repeated it aloud several time but it just wont work for me. To make it work for me I had to cut out 'they're' in line 2 and then it came out sounding and feeling better, even the intermnal rhyme worked, but of course that left line2 with only nine syllables but then its rhyme-mate (line5) also has only nine. I don't think any meaning is lost by excising they're either. I'd love to know your reaction to these points.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Thank you Pantygynt.yes, I did struggle a bit with this one. It is interesting that you picked up on endeavors/endeavor as I vacilated on it myself. I decided the s resonated better in consonance with the s in day's. It is acceptable is rhyme a plural, although i try to avoid it where I can. Yes, along has the stress on the second syllable. Those 2 lines are exactly where I was having trouble. I made another change, so look again. But I will say this, when converting Anapestic verse to a pentameter there is an extra Syllable to deal with, and several conventions are available, and acceptable.
You can put it in the front: Dum da da Dum da da Dum da da Dum
Or
Da da Dum da Dum da da Dum da da Dum
You can add it to the middle: da da Dum da da Dum da Dum da da Dum
Or at the end: da da Dum da da Dum da da Dum da Dum
It is ok to mix and match. That is what I have done.
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I like the prancing dog with its implications of enjoyment.
Comment from TPAC
Writer touches the wonder of having companionship be it an animal or a friend or a combination of three, I feel writer statements filled with sentiments and touching
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Writer touches the wonder of having companionship be it an animal or a friend or a combination of three, I feel writer statements filled with sentiments and touching
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Thank you TPAC.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Sestet sonnet, another very I teresting poem. The content of the poem is also intriguing me. The walk at the end of the day with a friend and a dog discussing the past day, what could they possibly talk about?
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Sestet sonnet, another very I teresting poem. The content of the poem is also intriguing me. The walk at the end of the day with a friend and a dog discussing the past day, what could they possibly talk about?
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Thank you Sandra. It has a different rythmn. The key meters are :
iambic (da Dum da Dum da Dum), to BE or NOT to BE
Trochee (Dum da Dum da Dum da) TWINkle TWINkle LITTle STAR
Anapestic (da da Dum da da Dum) was the NIGHT before CHRISTmas and ALL through the HOUSE
dactyl ( Dum da da Dum da Da) THAT is the QUEStion.
Comment from Joan E.
I admired the lighting effect and the silhouettes of all three bodies, along with your imaginings. You had me at the first line with the "day that's forever" and you gripped me more with the wonder image in "the knots of the day may unravel". Of course, I enjoyed your rhymes and rhythm as well. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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I admired the lighting effect and the silhouettes of all three bodies, along with your imaginings. You had me at the first line with the "day that's forever" and you gripped me more with the wonder image in "the knots of the day may unravel". Of course, I enjoyed your rhymes and rhythm as well. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Thank you Joan. I thought they were cool too.
Comment from JourneyHolm
O very nice. I thought this poem was very well done. Not only does it meet the poetic format, but also tells a wonderful tale in a rhythmic manner and verse. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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O very nice. I thought this poem was very well done. Not only does it meet the poetic format, but also tells a wonderful tale in a rhythmic manner and verse. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thank you JourneyHolm. Very glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Clover77
A very well written poem. You did a wonderful job writing this. You should feel very proud. Well done, and good luck on future works.
~Julia
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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A very well written poem. You did a wonderful job writing this. You should feel very proud. Well done, and good luck on future works.
~Julia
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thank you Clover77.
Comment from Gone but not forgotten
Nicely done. I had difficulty with the rhythm, but that's my problem, not yours. Creative use of words and the image is compelling. Plus thank you for the poetry lesson. I'm not a sonnet person, but I learned something here.
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Nicely done. I had difficulty with the rhythm, but that's my problem, not yours. Creative use of words and the image is compelling. Plus thank you for the poetry lesson. I'm not a sonnet person, but I learned something here.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thank you word craft.
