Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 276 "The Verdent Pond"Small and Specialty Poems
16 total reviews
Comment from Chunger
Usually I would suggest not adding a picture because it takes away from the reader's freedom to imagine their own visual, but because your notes say that you wrote it about this picture specifically then I believe it is okay to keep. I really like the rhyme scheme, but it is the last stanza where you bring the reader into the poem that I really enjoy.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Usually I would suggest not adding a picture because it takes away from the reader's freedom to imagine their own visual, but because your notes say that you wrote it about this picture specifically then I believe it is okay to keep. I really like the rhyme scheme, but it is the last stanza where you bring the reader into the poem that I really enjoy.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Thank you a Chunger, as a photographer, all my poems have pictures. I believe the synergy of image and verse creates a higher level of realization.
Comment from hannahorion
Thanks for the heads up on the Rubiyat Sonnet. Comments: The poem achieves its goal admirably in describing the pond in the photograph. But it stands alone without the photo at all. In such a case the two aspen leaves can be seen as representing two lovers in the perfect garden who can not help take in all its wondrous flora. This wonderment then overshadows their own commitment to each other raising the question why do they lie still? Is it because they are in such rapture? I liked the wording and language of this poem "Where ripples ring the mirrored gloss," is brilliant as is "The flowage dribbles down a hill," these inspirations are readily appreciated. I gave the poem five stars.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Thanks for the heads up on the Rubiyat Sonnet. Comments: The poem achieves its goal admirably in describing the pond in the photograph. But it stands alone without the photo at all. In such a case the two aspen leaves can be seen as representing two lovers in the perfect garden who can not help take in all its wondrous flora. This wonderment then overshadows their own commitment to each other raising the question why do they lie still? Is it because they are in such rapture? I liked the wording and language of this poem "Where ripples ring the mirrored gloss," is brilliant as is "The flowage dribbles down a hill," these inspirations are readily appreciated. I gave the poem five stars.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2015
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Thank you Hanna for this outstanding analysis.
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My pleasure.
Comment from rspoet
This is an interesting and well written poem
The rhyme scheme is excellent,
reminiscent of Frost's rhyme in "Stopping By Woods"
except he used a quatrain to end his poem
The tetrameter is done very well and reads perfectly
excellent descriptive poetry with very nice alliteration
Excellent ending couplet reflecting on the previous line
Great presentation: photograph, background color
and sunny font
I have no six stars left, but this certainly deserves one.
Well done
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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This is an interesting and well written poem
The rhyme scheme is excellent,
reminiscent of Frost's rhyme in "Stopping By Woods"
except he used a quatrain to end his poem
The tetrameter is done very well and reads perfectly
excellent descriptive poetry with very nice alliteration
Excellent ending couplet reflecting on the previous line
Great presentation: photograph, background color
and sunny font
I have no six stars left, but this certainly deserves one.
Well done
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you rspoet. Getting a virtual recognition is almost as good as 6 stars.
Comment from poetadeu
You are so creative with your writes and as always this
sonnet is impeccable and a lovely read. Thank you for
sharing another sixer. The pic is perfect with words and
I know you always use your own art. Good evening to you.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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You are so creative with your writes and as always this
sonnet is impeccable and a lovely read. Thank you for
sharing another sixer. The pic is perfect with words and
I know you always use your own art. Good evening to you.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015
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Thank you poetadeu. I appreciate your comments and that wonderful 6 star ranking.
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It was my pleasure!
Comment from I am Cat
Oh I love the colors of the pond... would love the see the entire back yard... I love little sitting places made for reflection.
This rhyme scheme does well for my brain... it delights me. :)
'A pond amidst the verdant moss,
Where ripples ring the mirrored gloss,
Attracts the most aesthetic eye.
A pleasant scene to look across. '
(and I love these images... they play well with my nature)
'A gentle trickle falls nearby
To bring the pool its cool supply,
Of most refreshing water fill,
In lovely liquid lullaby. '
(the subtle assonance along with alliteration together in the first line... is lovely... gentle trickle... and then the last line, 'lovely liquid lullaby' is just titillating!)
'The flowage dribbles down a hill,
Between the mossy foliage spill,
To sunshine dappled lily pond,
Where two bright aspen leaves lie still. '
(the first two lines go together delightfully... i wasn't sure of the word 'flowage", seeming odd to my tongue, until I joined it with the rest of the line and the next... and it works so well... the dappled lily pond and the aspen leaves lie still... lovely)
'But when such visions lie beyond,
Could any person not respond? '
(and how could they not?)
If your friend pantygynt had not just swiped my last six... you would have just nabbed another one from my greedy little hands!
Well done Treischel... Very well done!
Cat
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Oh I love the colors of the pond... would love the see the entire back yard... I love little sitting places made for reflection.
This rhyme scheme does well for my brain... it delights me. :)
'A pond amidst the verdant moss,
Where ripples ring the mirrored gloss,
Attracts the most aesthetic eye.
A pleasant scene to look across. '
(and I love these images... they play well with my nature)
'A gentle trickle falls nearby
To bring the pool its cool supply,
Of most refreshing water fill,
In lovely liquid lullaby. '
(the subtle assonance along with alliteration together in the first line... is lovely... gentle trickle... and then the last line, 'lovely liquid lullaby' is just titillating!)
'The flowage dribbles down a hill,
Between the mossy foliage spill,
To sunshine dappled lily pond,
Where two bright aspen leaves lie still. '
(the first two lines go together delightfully... i wasn't sure of the word 'flowage", seeming odd to my tongue, until I joined it with the rest of the line and the next... and it works so well... the dappled lily pond and the aspen leaves lie still... lovely)
'But when such visions lie beyond,
Could any person not respond? '
(and how could they not?)
If your friend pantygynt had not just swiped my last six... you would have just nabbed another one from my greedy little hands!
Well done Treischel... Very well done!
Cat
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thank you very much Cat. Your analysis is spot on. I am most pleased. Although the six would have been nice. Very few prep recived as much as you did. And one guy said my rhyming sucked.
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rhyming? seriously?
didn't he read the rhyme scheme?
WTF? What's wrong with people?
Can't they READ? Don't they know what a form is?
One person told me of my free verse...
But there was very little rhyme....
ummmmm.... well... yeah... that's my prerogative! duh.
*rolls eyes*
like water off a duck, Treischel... like water off a duck...
move along... move along... nothing to see here. ;)
lol
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Lucky Richard- what a lovely tranquil image.
A great spot to contemplate with your muse.
It worked well I see for the proof is on this page.
A very effective format with the repeated mono-rhymes.
Image and words complement to present a clear picture of your vision.
:-) Shirley
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Lucky Richard- what a lovely tranquil image.
A great spot to contemplate with your muse.
It worked well I see for the proof is on this page.
A very effective format with the repeated mono-rhymes.
Image and words complement to present a clear picture of your vision.
:-) Shirley
Comment Written 14-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2015
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Thank you Shirkey. He is lucky. His yard is like a park.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I really like the way your sonnet sounds when it is written out loud. I don't want to think about all the technical steps you had to take to produce such a beautiful creation. It is like when the magician tells how the trick is done, it is not magical anymore. I am not against your author's notes. I know many will appreciate you sharing the information, but not me.
Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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I really like the way your sonnet sounds when it is written out loud. I don't want to think about all the technical steps you had to take to produce such a beautiful creation. It is like when the magician tells how the trick is done, it is not magical anymore. I am not against your author's notes. I know many will appreciate you sharing the information, but not me.
Well done.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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Thank you Gypsie Blue Rose.
Comment from Joan E.
If we had the proper water conditions, I would want to duplicate this corner of your brother's yard. I liked your choice of the form to mimic the waterfall effect and your mono-rhymes. I also enjoyed your use of alliteration and the turn in the final couplet. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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If we had the proper water conditions, I would want to duplicate this corner of your brother's yard. I liked your choice of the form to mimic the waterfall effect and your mono-rhymes. I also enjoyed your use of alliteration and the turn in the final couplet. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 13-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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Thank you Joan, yeah, cA wouldn't be a good place for this, with your drought and all.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Very impressive poem. The photo fits very well with your poem. Another unknown sonnet for me. I really have a lot to learn. I also like the rhyming scheme, it is well worth a try, some time. New things to learn comes faster to me, than I can handle. Thank you.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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Very impressive poem. The photo fits very well with your poem. Another unknown sonnet for me. I really have a lot to learn. I also like the rhyming scheme, it is well worth a try, some time. New things to learn comes faster to me, than I can handle. Thank you.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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Thank you Sandra. I am peased you like it.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was well written. Wonderful imagery. My only thought is if you are going to rhyme, I've been told that you should - rhyme. Meaning, if you rhyme have a pattern and follow it. That will help the flow. But a well written poem with strong imagery. Great last two lines.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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I thought this was well written. Wonderful imagery. My only thought is if you are going to rhyme, I've been told that you should - rhyme. Meaning, if you rhyme have a pattern and follow it. That will help the flow. But a well written poem with strong imagery. Great last two lines.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2015
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Thank you Michael. I guessed I'm confused on how you think I didn't follow the rhyme scheme.
