Dr. Howler's Nightmares
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Blue Ribbon"A collection of most unusual bedtime stories
15 total reviews
Comment from petalangela
Wow more twists than a short piece of li price. Very interesting to read harder to digest than a full English breakfast. But a delightful few minutes pent reading it
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Wow more twists than a short piece of li price. Very interesting to read harder to digest than a full English breakfast. But a delightful few minutes pent reading it
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks for your comments nd support. Always appreciate them very much indeed.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I enjoyed reading your story about deception and revenge. It was very well written although I am not sure about the ending. Did Maria or Lola, whatever her name was, had something to do with his wife's plans to kill him? It was a good story with a great ending, he deserved it.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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I enjoyed reading your story about deception and revenge. It was very well written although I am not sure about the ending. Did Maria or Lola, whatever her name was, had something to do with his wife's plans to kill him? It was a good story with a great ending, he deserved it.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Well, considering they were lovers, as it turned out, left that to the reader's imagination I suppose. Thanks for your comments and support.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well, you know what they say, right? Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and if you're gonna play, you're gonna pay. Ain't nothing in this world worth having that's free, or easy-peasy. Eventually if you keep choosing not to honor your sacred vows of holy matrimony, Karma is going to catch up with you and bite you squarely in the derriere. This guy simply had to find out the hard way.
Great little twist-of-an-ending, too. I figured his darling, loving wife was up to no good when he smelled breakfast cooking after he walked in from his all-nighter. She's going to poison him, I thought.
Boy, was I wrong, and that's the mark of a great story--catching your readers off guard with their pants down around their ankles--so to speak-- and their mouths hanging open.
Great story, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Well, you know what they say, right? Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and if you're gonna play, you're gonna pay. Ain't nothing in this world worth having that's free, or easy-peasy. Eventually if you keep choosing not to honor your sacred vows of holy matrimony, Karma is going to catch up with you and bite you squarely in the derriere. This guy simply had to find out the hard way.
Great little twist-of-an-ending, too. I figured his darling, loving wife was up to no good when he smelled breakfast cooking after he walked in from his all-nighter. She's going to poison him, I thought.
Boy, was I wrong, and that's the mark of a great story--catching your readers off guard with their pants down around their ankles--so to speak-- and their mouths hanging open.
Great story, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thank you very much. Always important to me to know how you feel about something I have written especially in this genre. My belief is any man who cheats should know his wife is going to take him to the cleaners, thus the use of the Will in the story before he dies. He should also realize she may extract revenge, thus the gun. I threw the lesbian love affair in just as added revenge and for good measure.
Comment from BeasPeas
Written well. Telling a tale which is too often true. Why do some do it? One thing's for sure, it's not unique to men. Tale is fluid, descriptive, and holds the reader's interest. Marilyn
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Written well. Telling a tale which is too often true. Why do some do it? One thing's for sure, it's not unique to men. Tale is fluid, descriptive, and holds the reader's interest. Marilyn
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. Always appreciate them very much indeed.
Comment from jpduck
I thought this was excellent, apart from the penultimate paragraph. I was completely confused by this. I suspect that part of the problem may be that this paragraph is one, long sentence. I strongly suggest that you try rewriting it in three or four sentences, thinking carefully about what you want to convey. At present, all I can get from this paragraph is that the newspaper had a will taped to it (the narrator's will, presumably). His final sight would appear to be of his wife picking up the will, at the same time as wielding a gun and being passionately enwrapped in the arms of Lola/Maria. The reader also has to assume that Lola/Maria had a very much faster car than the narrator.
A SPAG and a suggestion. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'vivacious, slender and tall, blue-eyed[,] blonde bombshell (There should be no comma after blue-eyed because 'the last adjective has a closer relationship to the noun' {'Fowler's Modern English Usage'}).
'nothing more than a [mere] ruse' (You don't need 'nothing more than' as well as 'mere').
Adrian
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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I thought this was excellent, apart from the penultimate paragraph. I was completely confused by this. I suspect that part of the problem may be that this paragraph is one, long sentence. I strongly suggest that you try rewriting it in three or four sentences, thinking carefully about what you want to convey. At present, all I can get from this paragraph is that the newspaper had a will taped to it (the narrator's will, presumably). His final sight would appear to be of his wife picking up the will, at the same time as wielding a gun and being passionately enwrapped in the arms of Lola/Maria. The reader also has to assume that Lola/Maria had a very much faster car than the narrator.
A SPAG and a suggestion. (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):
'vivacious, slender and tall, blue-eyed[,] blonde bombshell (There should be no comma after blue-eyed because 'the last adjective has a closer relationship to the noun' {'Fowler's Modern English Usage'}).
'nothing more than a [mere] ruse' (You don't need 'nothing more than' as well as 'mere').
Adrian
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. Changed as noted. Appreciate it very much.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I thought this was a good entry for the competition.
Generally well written and an engaging write.
I think the last line may be better if it was broken up into a couple of sentences. It is a little cumbersome and I had to read it a couple of times to fully grasp its meaning. - just a thought.
GMG
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Hi there,
I thought this was a good entry for the competition.
Generally well written and an engaging write.
I think the last line may be better if it was broken up into a couple of sentences. It is a little cumbersome and I had to read it a couple of times to fully grasp its meaning. - just a thought.
GMG
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much.
Comment from Mahogany Bleu
I like the pacing of the story and the way that the writer painted a character picture of the main. I really wish that the writer could give us a greater purview into why the main character is such a philanderer. I want more background on the wife. If she is ballsy enough to shoot her husband like that then it seems unlikely that she would suffer so long in silence and deal with his proliferate infidelity. I am confused by the ending. Was there a picture attached to the newspaper or was it a will? This confounds me. I like the simple details of the story and the ease and flow.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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I like the pacing of the story and the way that the writer painted a character picture of the main. I really wish that the writer could give us a greater purview into why the main character is such a philanderer. I want more background on the wife. If she is ballsy enough to shoot her husband like that then it seems unlikely that she would suffer so long in silence and deal with his proliferate infidelity. I am confused by the ending. Was there a picture attached to the newspaper or was it a will? This confounds me. I like the simple details of the story and the ease and flow.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Review read.
Comment from dmt1967
This is a tragic story about a woman who has had enough of her cheating husband and decides to kill him. The story is very well told and written. Thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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This is a tragic story about a woman who has had enough of her cheating husband and decides to kill him. The story is very well told and written. Thank you for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello author your story was real good and right to the point.
cheating the wife is not wise (closed the eyes of the lustful one --forever)
Gert
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Hello author your story was real good and right to the point.
cheating the wife is not wise (closed the eyes of the lustful one --forever)
Gert
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support.
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You are welcome
Gert
Comment from sweetwoodjax
ooh, my, the man who got it right between the eyes by the wife and the woman she planned to do her own cheating with, what a vengeful spirit you have, lol. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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ooh, my, the man who got it right between the eyes by the wife and the woman she planned to do her own cheating with, what a vengeful spirit you have, lol. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 27-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much indeed.
