Stories of the Dreamtime
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Ghost Cave"Aboriginal myths and legends.
13 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I enjoyed reading your story, you did a great job developing the characters and the plot. The format is good and the picture is amazing.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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I enjoyed reading your story, you did a great job developing the characters and the plot. The format is good and the picture is amazing.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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Thanks so much for your kind review. So pleased that you enjoyed our way of life way back when. Blessings, Kay.
Comment from mumsyone
Second look.
I trust that you've made the corrections, Kay. I just can't bear to do any more reading today. I'm going to upgrade my rating.
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Sorry for the 4 stars, Kay, but your story needs a great deal of editing. I hope you are feeling better by now.
As Sister moon (sister Moon?) kissed brother Sun;(,)Sun rose to light the new day.
On a cold winters' (winter's) morning,
They had been given chores to do;(:) cover the fires and make sure the old people were warm.
The young men cut saplings for litter poles;(,) to carry the old and sick.
Wandi was tall and lean,(. He) he had just been initiated into the tribe and was considered a man by their standards.
His Father, who's (whose) tribal name was Baralga, had politely asked a sheep to spare it's life for the sake of his tribe;
Wandi strutted around like a peacock,(. Nobody) nobody had a beautiful ,white, sheepskin like his. The two children were terribly bored and Wandi suggested to his sister Melie(,) "let's (Let's) take a walk in the forest,(. Maybe) maybe we can catch a snake for dinner?"
As they continued up the familiar walking track to the mountains, Wandi thought to himself, "perhaps (Perhaps) Melie is too young to walk so far,(.)" he (He)pushed that thought aside and pulled his new sheepskin around himself
"Don't be a baby," said Wandi,(. He) he stood on one leg
They used their strong tail (tails) to sit on and kicked out with their large feet with seriously,
"What are you doing so far from your camp?" The (the)Kangaroo said to the children.
"We are cold and (have) lost our way," said Wandi.
Follow me(,) children."
After fifteen minutes (minutes') climb, Kangaroo
stopped
(which they feed on.)(, sucking) Sucking small amounts of blood from the beast.
Out of the blue light a figure appeared,(. He) he was wrapped in beautiful furs and his skin shone like ebony in the firelight.
"You will be a great tribal leader one day, (but) for now, you must learn a lesson."
Nunundiri whisked the sheepskin from Wandi's shoulder's (shoulders) and spun it in the air,(. It) it took flight and continued on its journey outside the cave, floating on the air currents(,) and then it was gone.
When Wandi and Melie awoke, the sky was blue and the air fresh from the overnight rains,(. It) was a bright new day. Their small fire were cold ashes and
We were lost,(. We) we are so happy to see you."
"I am sorry that we left and disobeyed your wishes,(. I) I will try to be more responsible now."
"Wait here, with your sister," said Baralga (father)(Father)(.)
Their feathers were a wonderful pink and red colour;(,) caused by the food they ate.
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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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Second look.
I trust that you've made the corrections, Kay. I just can't bear to do any more reading today. I'm going to upgrade my rating.
_________
Sorry for the 4 stars, Kay, but your story needs a great deal of editing. I hope you are feeling better by now.
As Sister moon (sister Moon?) kissed brother Sun;(,)Sun rose to light the new day.
On a cold winters' (winter's) morning,
They had been given chores to do;(:) cover the fires and make sure the old people were warm.
The young men cut saplings for litter poles;(,) to carry the old and sick.
Wandi was tall and lean,(. He) he had just been initiated into the tribe and was considered a man by their standards.
His Father, who's (whose) tribal name was Baralga, had politely asked a sheep to spare it's life for the sake of his tribe;
Wandi strutted around like a peacock,(. Nobody) nobody had a beautiful ,white, sheepskin like his. The two children were terribly bored and Wandi suggested to his sister Melie(,) "let's (Let's) take a walk in the forest,(. Maybe) maybe we can catch a snake for dinner?"
As they continued up the familiar walking track to the mountains, Wandi thought to himself, "perhaps (Perhaps) Melie is too young to walk so far,(.)" he (He)pushed that thought aside and pulled his new sheepskin around himself
"Don't be a baby," said Wandi,(. He) he stood on one leg
They used their strong tail (tails) to sit on and kicked out with their large feet with seriously,
"What are you doing so far from your camp?" The (the)Kangaroo said to the children.
"We are cold and (have) lost our way," said Wandi.
Follow me(,) children."
After fifteen minutes (minutes') climb, Kangaroo
stopped
(which they feed on.)(, sucking) Sucking small amounts of blood from the beast.
Out of the blue light a figure appeared,(. He) he was wrapped in beautiful furs and his skin shone like ebony in the firelight.
"You will be a great tribal leader one day, (but) for now, you must learn a lesson."
Nunundiri whisked the sheepskin from Wandi's shoulder's (shoulders) and spun it in the air,(. It) it took flight and continued on its journey outside the cave, floating on the air currents(,) and then it was gone.
When Wandi and Melie awoke, the sky was blue and the air fresh from the overnight rains,(. It) was a bright new day. Their small fire were cold ashes and
We were lost,(. We) we are so happy to see you."
"I am sorry that we left and disobeyed your wishes,(. I) I will try to be more responsible now."
"Wait here, with your sister," said Baralga (father)(Father)(.)
Their feathers were a wonderful pink and red colour;(,) caused by the food they ate.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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Don't be sorry, Brooke would have given me a serve too! Now, I will take on board your edits, will you update when I have? Apart from that, did you like the story? You didn't say. It takes me a long, long time to type with the arthritis in my hands. Blessings, K.
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I always like your stories and, yes, when you make the corrections, I will upgrade my rating.
Did you get my message asking about the Form names in Australian schools? I can't believe it still hasn't just popped into my mind.
Take care,
Lois
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Yes, I wrote to your portfolio. I did all the edits. I don't know what 4th year was, only that 5th year was matriculation through to Uni. I wasn't a brain and glad to be gone after I got my Intermediate Certificate in third year, hated school. Now your teaching me to write and I'm 70 in September! LOL.
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Found it in my diary, Kay!
Form 3 - Sub-Intermediate
Form 4 - Intermediate
Form 5 - Leaving
Form 6 - Matriculation
I was in 5th Form when my dad died (in Australia), but after I got home, I was awarded my Leaving Certificate. (I had 5 friends who all quit school at the end of 4th Form, so I felt really alone until I found a new friend. We still write to each other. In fact, she insisted that we stay with them when we went to Australia in 2000. I still hear from the other girls, too.
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I'm so pleased you found it. Of course it isn't called that these days. So, you were in Oz in 2000? Where did you stay? Nice to keep in touch. Did you update my story?
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Always around Melbourne. In 1957, I lived in Broadmeadows, near Tullamarine (where the main airport is now. In 1972, we stayed with friends in Lower Templestowe, and in 2000, we stayed in Montrose. On both of the latter trips, we drove up to Cairns and back, so we went right past you!
I didn't realize you had made the corrections. I'll check it now.
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I'm Sydney born and have been in Queensland for thirty years. I have lived in the city and country, Kingaroy for ten years (loved it) the house was too big because I am 99% wheelchair now. We have been in Maryborough for five years next month. Public housing provided a 'special needs' unit to house us both (my carer has rheumatoid) our dog keeps us laughing. He is a Maltese cross and such a comfort on my chronic pain days. Thanks Lois. Fanstory keeps me sane!
Comment from Sasha
I enjoyed this very much. I love the Dreamtime Stories. This was filled with such fascinating information and gives me a small glimpse into the wonderful life of this tribe. Excellent descriptions creating awesome imagery. Keep up the great work.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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I enjoyed this very much. I love the Dreamtime Stories. This was filled with such fascinating information and gives me a small glimpse into the wonderful life of this tribe. Excellent descriptions creating awesome imagery. Keep up the great work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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Thanks so much my friend; glad you enjoyed chapter 13. Blessings, Kay.
