Love Songs For Every Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "The Farmer's Son"Love poems
38 total reviews
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Morning, Adonna,
What a wonderful poem to commemorate those who have served in the armed forces, and to also recognize the lingering pain and sense of loss long after these brave men and women have died.
I admire the touch of nostalgia of working the fields and the young man called off to war. This tends to unite the man and earth, and thus humanity. The emotive impact in the fourth quatrain is superb. Well done, not overdone, and leaves the reader with a lump in his throat.
I like how your story in a poem is not so very long. It's long enough to convey your message, but short enough to maintain the reader's interest throughout.
The abab rhyme pattern is excellent. The rhymes are strong and effective in all lines except for Quatrain 3, lines 1 & 3. I'm not sure lawn / won are rhymes. Both words have completely different vowel sounds, with each word have two possible sounds according to Merman-Webster dictionary. lawn = lon (2 dots over the o) and lan (2 dots over the a)
won = wen (upside down e) and won (long o)
This would be something you might want to further review.
The iambic meter is perfect, thus allowing for a very smooth, rhythmic read. This is enhanced by your skillful use of enjambment within the quatrains.
Well done, my friend. Best of luck to you in the contest.
-Ray
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015
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Good Morning, Adonna,
What a wonderful poem to commemorate those who have served in the armed forces, and to also recognize the lingering pain and sense of loss long after these brave men and women have died.
I admire the touch of nostalgia of working the fields and the young man called off to war. This tends to unite the man and earth, and thus humanity. The emotive impact in the fourth quatrain is superb. Well done, not overdone, and leaves the reader with a lump in his throat.
I like how your story in a poem is not so very long. It's long enough to convey your message, but short enough to maintain the reader's interest throughout.
The abab rhyme pattern is excellent. The rhymes are strong and effective in all lines except for Quatrain 3, lines 1 & 3. I'm not sure lawn / won are rhymes. Both words have completely different vowel sounds, with each word have two possible sounds according to Merman-Webster dictionary. lawn = lon (2 dots over the o) and lan (2 dots over the a)
won = wen (upside down e) and won (long o)
This would be something you might want to further review.
The iambic meter is perfect, thus allowing for a very smooth, rhythmic read. This is enhanced by your skillful use of enjambment within the quatrains.
Well done, my friend. Best of luck to you in the contest.
-Ray
Comment Written 20-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2015
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I thank you so much for this careful and specific review, Ray. You are the best! You are right, of course. Lawn and Won are not perfect rhymes, but they are near-rhyme and I think sometimes it is more important to consider the meaning you desire than to have perfect rhymes. Not everyone would agree, I'm sure, but I think Emily Dickinson and Robert Frost would definitely concur. LOL Therefore, I hope you will allow me an occasional deviation from perfect rhymes. I will try not to stray too often. I like to remember the Persians who created the most amazing colorful carpets with intricate patterns, but always with at least one flaw because, as they liked to say, "Only God is perfect." I have a few of them, and the flaws are not too obvious, but can be found in every hand-made rug. Thank you so much for the time you take to review and for the kind suggestions. The generous rating is more than I deserve, but so greatly appreciated. Thank you! MM
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You are very welcome :-)
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hello MissMerri,
I have to say how much this story touched me...so truthful...so sad.
I loved the imagery of the corn field in contrast to the field of crosses and what they represent; the loss of so many brave young men and women.
I was also touched by the emotional impact of your thought for it reminds us of the dear cost and sacrifice.
Your solid rhyme and meter shored the piece up nicely...well done.
They don't come much better that this...best of luck in the contest!
Have a great day,
Bill
BTW, we're almost neighbors. I live in Downieville...just up Hgwy 49 out of Grass Valley. My wife and I live right on the Downie River so this time of year we stay close to home and by the water! Lol.
Think I'll join your fan bass...that way I can keep an eye on you :)
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Hello MissMerri,
I have to say how much this story touched me...so truthful...so sad.
I loved the imagery of the corn field in contrast to the field of crosses and what they represent; the loss of so many brave young men and women.
I was also touched by the emotional impact of your thought for it reminds us of the dear cost and sacrifice.
Your solid rhyme and meter shored the piece up nicely...well done.
They don't come much better that this...best of luck in the contest!
Have a great day,
Bill
BTW, we're almost neighbors. I live in Downieville...just up Hgwy 49 out of Grass Valley. My wife and I live right on the Downie River so this time of year we stay close to home and by the water! Lol.
Think I'll join your fan bass...that way I can keep an eye on you :)
Comment Written 16-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much Bill. I'm so pleased to know you liked this poem, and truly happy to find out we're almost neighbors. You live in a beautiful area, which I think somehow contributes to the artistic instincts. Thank you for all the kind words about this poem and for the exceptional rating. That was extra special.
MM
Comment from jlsavell
Miss Merri, I have been meaning to come to your port for sometime, but am been very busy lately with just life.
This is incredibly moving. It is so emotional that I can hardly breathe as it breathes life into stark reality. I , truthfully can say no more, because I will write a review so long it becomes more of a commentary or rant.
Your stanzas are exquisite and you bring to the forefront with perfectly chosen words and well placed phrases the devastation of war.
jlsavell
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
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Miss Merri, I have been meaning to come to your port for sometime, but am been very busy lately with just life.
This is incredibly moving. It is so emotional that I can hardly breathe as it breathes life into stark reality. I , truthfully can say no more, because I will write a review so long it becomes more of a commentary or rant.
Your stanzas are exquisite and you bring to the forefront with perfectly chosen words and well placed phrases the devastation of war.
jlsavell
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
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I'm so glad you finally got here, Jimi. I know how life can keep us way too busy much of the time. I'm just delighted to hear from you and so pleased that you found this poem moving. I too, am moved to tears by the loss of young life in the service of country. Thank you for giving this the exceptional rating. I'm honored and grateful. MM
Comment from lakeport
The Farmer's Son, indeed sadly so many young men died , that's a touching story poem. Good luck at the contest, God bless you, Hugs! Lakeport.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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The Farmer's Son, indeed sadly so many young men died , that's a touching story poem. Good luck at the contest, God bless you, Hugs! Lakeport.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Thank you for reviewing my poem, and for the kind comments too. I appreciate this so much. MM
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you are very welcome,Hugs! Lakeport.
Comment from His Grayness
Dear MissMerri: this is such a touching and lovely work of great honor and respect that I'm ashamed to be without the sixth star it so much deserves! Thanks for this beautiful gift of thought~!! Vance
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Dear MissMerri: this is such a touching and lovely work of great honor and respect that I'm ashamed to be without the sixth star it so much deserves! Thanks for this beautiful gift of thought~!! Vance
Comment Written 12-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Vance, you are always so kind and gracious in your comments, and generous in your ratings. Thank you for all that you said, and please do not every feel sorry you are out of sixes. I am just glad to know you liked the poem that much, so thanks for telling me. Hugs, MM
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Oh! I can't help it...I just LOOOOVE your work! Your heart and soul too, BTW! Vance
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MM: I simply love your work and the pure sincerity of you loving heart and spirit that always GLOWS in all the gifts you write! It truly does bring one to love you from afar!!! Vance
Comment from petalangela
This is so poignant and heart wrenching the fields od earth stretch for many miles and all for the greed of leaders who crate wars to gain power it is never for freedom as we are brainwashed for when the wars subside no one ism ore free than before
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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This is so poignant and heart wrenching the fields od earth stretch for many miles and all for the greed of leaders who crate wars to gain power it is never for freedom as we are brainwashed for when the wars subside no one ism ore free than before
Comment Written 12-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much for reading this poem, and for sharing your thoughts with me. I'm very glad to hear from you Petal. MM
Comment from GWinterwin
Oh what a beautiful poem my friend, brought tears to my eyes, so many die needlessly. Good word flow and rhyming along with picture makes it extra special. Many parents mourn in agony, and wives also. Great job my friend.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Oh what a beautiful poem my friend, brought tears to my eyes, so many die needlessly. Good word flow and rhyming along with picture makes it extra special. Many parents mourn in agony, and wives also. Great job my friend.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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George, your generous and kind review really meant a lot to me. Thank you so much for reading this and for adding the golden star too. Many hugs, MM
Comment from krys123
Adonna;
-A brilliantly saddened story within a poem that covers the life of a farmer's son and through the use of a metaphor depict the imagery that was consistent to the livelihood of this farmer sun's life. This imagery being descriptive and expressive and describe a war that his son fought and died: "The farmer's son lay silent, battle won...a small, white cross to mark his victory."
-Superb rhyming where the rhyming words were contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm flow smoothly.
-Good use of enjambment.
-Exceptional rhythm with the rhythmic meter was iambic pentameter in the cadence, tempo and timing were all helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and easy.
-Thank you for sharing the author's notes and which made this poem more realistic.
-Good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Adonna;
-A brilliantly saddened story within a poem that covers the life of a farmer's son and through the use of a metaphor depict the imagery that was consistent to the livelihood of this farmer sun's life. This imagery being descriptive and expressive and describe a war that his son fought and died: "The farmer's son lay silent, battle won...a small, white cross to mark his victory."
-Superb rhyming where the rhyming words were contingent to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the rhythm flow smoothly.
-Good use of enjambment.
-Exceptional rhythm with the rhythmic meter was iambic pentameter in the cadence, tempo and timing were all helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and easy.
-Thank you for sharing the author's notes and which made this poem more realistic.
-Good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always my friend.
Alex
Comment Written 12-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much Alex, for this amazing review for my story poem. I always appreciate the detailed reviews you give. Your comments are uplifting and motivating, and always reassuring. Thank you for the extra star, which adds a smile to my face every time. :p MM
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You are so sincerely welcome MM.
Alex
Comment from Deejharrington
I ran out of six stars, never enough to go around! A beautifully written heartfelt poem/story of loss. Too many of our young people lost their lives in a war that might never end or be "won." My sincere sympathy to your family. The best of the luck in the contest. This reads like a winner to me.
deb
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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I ran out of six stars, never enough to go around! A beautifully written heartfelt poem/story of loss. Too many of our young people lost their lives in a war that might never end or be "won." My sincere sympathy to your family. The best of the luck in the contest. This reads like a winner to me.
deb
Comment Written 11-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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Thank you for your kind and understanding comments Deb. I'm so glad you felt it was worth six stars. That is so encouraging to me. As for being a "winner" I think the committee always prefers longer poems, or more detailed stories at least, so I will be content with your virtual stars for this one.
Comment from Treischel
A very poignant and well crafted poem about a farmer's son who went to war and died. Nicely rhymed in abab scheme ( them and begun a miss however). Reminded me of the song, "Where have all the flowers gone". Excellent sentiment.
Maybe line 2 could read:
The farmer's son moved silent twist each one
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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A very poignant and well crafted poem about a farmer's son who went to war and died. Nicely rhymed in abab scheme ( them and begun a miss however). Reminded me of the song, "Where have all the flowers gone". Excellent sentiment.
Maybe line 2 could read:
The farmer's son moved silent twist each one
Comment Written 11-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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Thank you for this thoughtful and constructive review. I like your suggestion, and while I was aware the rhyme was not a "perfect" one, I'm often happy with slant rhymes. However, I'll see if I can make it better. Thank you so much for your idea. I truly appreciate this. MM
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I meant twixt not twist. Dang autospell.
