Get Well, Brooke!
Viewing comments for Chapter 10001 "A Triolet For Brooke"Writing for Brooke
9 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Hi Yelena....just a passing visit here...miss you all, but I'm so busy lately!
Lovely, sweet tribute, dear, with fine musical triolet form. It's an apt form for a tribute to our beloved Brooke, as she often wrote them...and rhyme and meter are her forte!
My only suggestion is not consider not having this in past tense! I'm sure she is not done yet!
Example:
Your verses celebrate the sun,
the ladybugs, the ocean whales;
the Sawyer poems are such fun,
your verses celebrate the sun.
Your metered gold is finely spun
with sparkling threads of dream-like tales;
your verses celebrate the sun,
the ladybugs, the ocean whales.
Love your rhyme of spun and sun.
Whales and tales works well too.
Glad you mentioned those ladybugs and Sawyer too--both beloved trademarks of hers!
Especially love these lines:
Your metered gold is finely spun
with sparkling threads of dream-like tales;
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Hi Yelena....just a passing visit here...miss you all, but I'm so busy lately!
Lovely, sweet tribute, dear, with fine musical triolet form. It's an apt form for a tribute to our beloved Brooke, as she often wrote them...and rhyme and meter are her forte!
My only suggestion is not consider not having this in past tense! I'm sure she is not done yet!
Example:
Your verses celebrate the sun,
the ladybugs, the ocean whales;
the Sawyer poems are such fun,
your verses celebrate the sun.
Your metered gold is finely spun
with sparkling threads of dream-like tales;
your verses celebrate the sun,
the ladybugs, the ocean whales.
Love your rhyme of spun and sun.
Whales and tales works well too.
Glad you mentioned those ladybugs and Sawyer too--both beloved trademarks of hers!
Especially love these lines:
Your metered gold is finely spun
with sparkling threads of dream-like tales;
Love,
rd
Comment Written 15-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2015
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Hello, dearest friend! I was wondering where you were. So glad you stopped by! I agree with your suggestions, I thought something was amiss in my poem. Will make the changes. I hope and pray daily for Brooke to come back to us and write again. I miss her uplifting, sunny poetry and her joy de vivre. Glad to see you! Are you still in the US?
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Hello, dearest friend! I was wondering where you were. So glad you stopped by! I agree with your suggestions, I thought something was amiss in my poem. Will make the changes. I hope and pray daily for Brooke to come back to us and write again. I miss her uplifting, sunny poetry and her joy de vivre. Glad to see you! Are you still in the US?
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Thanks for your lovely note, dear Yelena! I am back in India now. Super busy. This is a rare visit. I hope Brooke gets well soon too. Miss you all! Glad you like the suggestions.
Love and HUGS, rd
Comment from Joy Graham
I love this triolet for Brooke :) That picture is so cute and perfect. Excellent iambic tetrameter with great rhymes. The repeating lines are flawless. I feel Brooke is among us when I read the many poems dedicated to her. I miss her too.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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I love this triolet for Brooke :) That picture is so cute and perfect. Excellent iambic tetrameter with great rhymes. The repeating lines are flawless. I feel Brooke is among us when I read the many poems dedicated to her. I miss her too.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much, my friend, for the exceptional review and the honor of a six. It means a lot to me.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your triolet. I enjoyed the many references to some of Brooke's favorite things to write about. Good job with the format.
Thanks for sharing an upbeat "message" poem.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
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I enjoyed your triolet. I enjoyed the many references to some of Brooke's favorite things to write about. Good job with the format.
Thanks for sharing an upbeat "message" poem.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2015
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Thank you so much.
Comment from Pantygynt
I was told the other day of a reviewer, obviously unused to the triolet form who complaine of the triolet under review "too much repetition!" While being an amusing anecdote in itself it does actually raise an important point. If the repetition stands out and make the reader think there is too much repetition then it is not a very well constructed triolet.
There is no danger of that accusation here. There has been a rash of excellent triolets on site recently, partly due to contests and partly as tributes to Brooke and her love of the form. This one can take its place with the best of them.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2015
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I was told the other day of a reviewer, obviously unused to the triolet form who complaine of the triolet under review "too much repetition!" While being an amusing anecdote in itself it does actually raise an important point. If the repetition stands out and make the reader think there is too much repetition then it is not a very well constructed triolet.
There is no danger of that accusation here. There has been a rash of excellent triolets on site recently, partly due to contests and partly as tributes to Brooke and her love of the form. This one can take its place with the best of them.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2015
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Thank you for the great review. It was her favorite form. I struggled with it to have the repeteating lines not to sound redundant. I think I achieved more on the last four lines. Glad to have a nod from a tough reviewer like you. You are one of the best on the site.
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Thank yhoiu for that vote of confidence. I am touched.
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I've only known three [male] reviewers like you on the site - one is no longer among the luvivinf, the other hasn't been active on the site for two years.
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Sorry for the typo - my Android tablet is way too fast. I meant, one of the site reviewers I mentioned is no longer among the living.
Comment from w.j.debi
You mention some of Brooke's favorite things in a well constructed triolet. Your choice of repeated lines works well and effectively. She should be pleased by your tribute to her.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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You mention some of Brooke's favorite things in a well constructed triolet. Your choice of repeated lines works well and effectively. She should be pleased by your tribute to her.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2015
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Thank you for the great review. Yes Brooke loves her triolets, ladybugs, dandelions, ocean whales and so much more. The spun gold of her poetry exudes and celebrates life. I miss her poems...
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I miss them too. It was a daily treat to see what she had written.
Comment from Dean Kuch
And what a beautiful triolet it is, Yelena. It also incorporates some of Brooke's most beloved topics, especially little Sawyer. She gushes everytime she speaks or writes of him, and justifiably so.
Lovely rhyme and flow, and a beautiful tribute to a lovely lady.
Brooke will love it, I know I did... ~Dean
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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And what a beautiful triolet it is, Yelena. It also incorporates some of Brooke's most beloved topics, especially little Sawyer. She gushes everytime she speaks or writes of him, and justifiably so.
Lovely rhyme and flow, and a beautiful tribute to a lovely lady.
Brooke will love it, I know I did... ~Dean
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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Thank you for the great review, Dean. Triplet is one of Brooke's favorite forms. I hope this one will cheer her up.
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How can it not, Yelena? It's beautiful.
You're more than welcome. :)
~Dean
Comment from sgalletti
Hi Y! I, too, love the triolet form and you execute it beautifully here. The trick, of course, is creating the repeating lines in such a way that they flow in the poem and do not feel forced. You have incorporated so many of Brooke's favorite things in this short poem. Imagery, consonance, and rhyme are well chosen. I'm sure Brooke will enjoy this one. Sue
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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Hi Y! I, too, love the triolet form and you execute it beautifully here. The trick, of course, is creating the repeating lines in such a way that they flow in the poem and do not feel forced. You have incorporated so many of Brooke's favorite things in this short poem. Imagery, consonance, and rhyme are well chosen. I'm sure Brooke will enjoy this one. Sue
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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Thank you for the great review, Sue, yes, Brooke liked her triolets. I haven't written many, so this one was a challenge!
Comment from Gert sherwood
How nice of you Yetel to give a tribute to Our Brooke when you said-in your notes
The spun gold of her poetry exuded and celebrated life
Gert
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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How nice of you Yetel to give a tribute to Our Brooke when you said-in your notes
The spun gold of her poetry exuded and celebrated life
Gert
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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Thank you, Gert, for the great review. Brooke loved a Triplet form, so it was a pleasure to write this for her.
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You are welcome
Gert
Comment from Sis Cat
A refreshing and buoyant triolet that is a tribute to Brooke and one of her favorite poetry forms. I enjoyed the simplicity of the sunny rhymes and the flow of your words. This poem is "metered gold." It captures Brooke's essence and style brilliantly.
I have a question. Did you intend for "wales" to be "whales"? The dictionary defines wales as "a plank running along the side of a wooden ship, thicker than the usual planking, and strengthening and protecting the hull."
I appreciate the brightness of your poem. I hope it brings Brooke a measure of cheer that that she recovers and returns. Thank you for sharing and caring.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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A refreshing and buoyant triolet that is a tribute to Brooke and one of her favorite poetry forms. I enjoyed the simplicity of the sunny rhymes and the flow of your words. This poem is "metered gold." It captures Brooke's essence and style brilliantly.
I have a question. Did you intend for "wales" to be "whales"? The dictionary defines wales as "a plank running along the side of a wooden ship, thicker than the usual planking, and strengthening and protecting the hull."
I appreciate the brightness of your poem. I hope it brings Brooke a measure of cheer that that she recovers and returns. Thank you for sharing and caring.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2015
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Thank you for the great review and editing suggestion, I made the correction. A Triolet was one of Brooke's favorite forms. I like the air-like, French way with which it flows. I am glad you enjoyed, thank you again for the review.
