Comment from rjuselius

Excellent

this is a well deserved win dear chrissy! the story is compelling and glues the reader to the screen. the finish is well thought out and the turn of events truly interesting.
thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x

 Comment Written 26-May-2015

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reply by the author on 26-May-2015

Thank you so much for your congratulations and lovely words, and I am so stoked about the win, and also congratulate the other winners and contestants. I am having so much fun on this site and am learning al the time and find everybody so encouraging and am enjoying reading lots of various works. Still new and loving it. Cheers Christine😀

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

This is a good entry into the competition. Very descriptive for that single moment - good lead up.

I did struggle with the following line though -

His silhouette shadowed by the darkness in the night - it doesn't seem to make any sense to me as to be silhouetted the light needs to be behind him hence the shadow is in front. Unless the darkness is some supernatural entity this description would be hard to achieve. I know it just me being pedantic but there you go. lol

Anyway, a well written and effective piece in my opinion, bar that one little detail!
All the best for the competition
GMG

 Comment Written 25-May-2015

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reply by the author on 25-May-2015

Thanks giraffmang for your review and comments, Re the silhouette I was trying to convey the mystery of his form and was going to incorporate the street light for effect but couldn't get the right word construct so that is what I came up with so thanks anyway. I enjoy reading a reviewers tips and ideas and hope that they may help for my future posts as well Cheers Christine☺️

Comment from gazzagodbod

Excellent

wow exciting stuff love that moment when eyes meet and a connection is made when you know someone is right for you
good luck my friend loved it xxgazzaxx

 Comment Written 25-May-2015

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reply by the author on 25-May-2015

Thanks gazza , glad you liked this, my first attempt at this style of writing so very pleased with you great comments. A little bit hooked at the moment ha ha Cheers Christine😃

Comment from jpduck

Good

This was a little bit Mills & Boon for my taste, and there was no surprise ending, which flash fiction really needs.

Typos/SPAGs (Square brackets indicate suggested deletions, and asterisks, suggested insertions):

'I look up and there he is, tall, dark, handsome*;* my heart quickens.'

'He turns*;* I see his piercing blue eyes'

'transfixed [to] *by* each other'

The night [then] exploded. (This final sentence would be far stronger without 'then'. I am sure you can find somewhere else to insert a word so as to retain the hundred word count. Eg change 'like' to 'as if' in 'like nothing else mattered').


Adrian

 Comment Written 25-May-2015

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reply by the author on 25-May-2015

Thank you Adrian for your review and comments. Being new to this site and many differnt styles of writing I am learning all the time and do appreciate everyone's views and tips, that I will take on board in order to strengthen my writing and poems.Cheers Christine😊

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi....

Goodness, she was eezy peezy.
Interestingly enough, things probably have progressed so quickly in some circles. Dangerous game this day and age though.

Good story. Good luck.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*;*)

 Comment Written 25-May-2015

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reply by the author on 25-May-2015

Thank you Jax . Yes she probably was caught up in the moment, had a bit of fun writing it and have enjoyed everyone's comments and as always appreciate, your review .Cheers Christine☺️

Comment from danpald

Excellent

The romance turns the night
The drinks the search falls so right
All the beauty of the moves delight
For a kiss that is sweet to hold tight

Then the morning hangover arrives
What was that kiss that felt so right
Did it last into the hours
Hopefully not it was just a cold shower

 Comment Written 24-May-2015

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reply by the author on 24-May-2015

Ha Ha thank you a lovely response and yes what about the morning after. Thank you for your clever review Cheers Christine☺️

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Very romantic.

notes:

Sitting in the pub, having drinks with my girlfriends. I look up and there he is, tall, dark, handsome[.}
My heart quickens.

- I think this should be two sentences. What do you think?

He turns, I see his piercing blue eyes locked [into] mine,

- How does: "onto mine" sound?

 Comment Written 24-May-2015

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reply by the author on 24-May-2015

Thanks lancellot for your comments and review. Onto would probably sound better. I think I had this originally but will change appreciate your time to read my new writing Cheers Christine😀

Comment from Mystic Angel 7777

Excellent

This meets the contest requirements with a correct theme and word count. You did a great job weaving the kiss into an opportunity to just do without thinking. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.

 Comment Written 24-May-2015

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reply by the author on 24-May-2015

Thank you Mystic Angel 7777. This is my first time writing in this category, so thought I would give it a try and just came up with this, so I appreciate you comments and review. cheers Christine😃

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Good job! I like your short story. You did a good job at keeping it under 100 words. I like the format and the picture you used. It complements the story nicely.

 Comment Written 24-May-2015

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reply by the author on 24-May-2015

Thanks you so much Gypsy Blue Rose. For reading and reviewing my short story. I tried to meet the brief and hope the readers would like it to. Yes great picture thanks to FanStory site .Cheers Christine😄

Comment from TPAC

Excellent

Nice wonderful conveyances holding the rush and serge of this wanting between parties writer taking reader on adventuring dragging them to witness explosive end Thanks for sharing

 Comment Written 24-May-2015

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reply by the author on 24-May-2015

Thanks youmuch for your review and encouraging words. TPAC.thanks so much . Testing the water with this one, glad you found it worth reading Cheers Christine😀