Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 99 " Living In A Shadow"Dawn of Chaos
29 total reviews
Comment from His Grayness
This is a deeply emotional work but covering so much random thought and feelings that I believe it is harmfully fragmented and leaving the reader somewhat disconnected with the pathway of the writer's thoughts. There is great alliteration and passion expressed and good chunks of emotional "grip" throughout, so the core of good work is there but the continuity needs some work in my opinion. Kindest regards: HIS GRAYNESS:
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
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This is a deeply emotional work but covering so much random thought and feelings that I believe it is harmfully fragmented and leaving the reader somewhat disconnected with the pathway of the writer's thoughts. There is great alliteration and passion expressed and good chunks of emotional "grip" throughout, so the core of good work is there but the continuity needs some work in my opinion. Kindest regards: HIS GRAYNESS:
Comment Written 29-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
Thank you still trying to come to terms and seems to have blinded my reader appreciate generous rate and insightful remarks will attempt some revision
Comment from Dean Kuch
This is an interesting poem, TPAC. While I enjoyed reading it, I'm not too sure of the type of message it's conveying, so perhaps the poet will endeavor to enlighten me sometime in the future, at your leisure of course.
Thanks for sharing, and keep at it! ~Dean
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
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This is an interesting poem, TPAC. While I enjoyed reading it, I'm not too sure of the type of message it's conveying, so perhaps the poet will endeavor to enlighten me sometime in the future, at your leisure of course.
Thanks for sharing, and keep at it! ~Dean
Comment Written 29-May-2015
reply by the author on 30-May-2015
Thank you for generous rate and comments, the poem how sad it might be was an example of grown ups portrayed as a four year old child, to me, a fatherless child, Dad is God, and I in His shadow
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Got 'cha...
Comment from Gloria ....
What a wonderful free very poem TPAC. The images of strength of the dad are exemplified well with towering stem legs and the bobbing head of the child.
You've captured the POV of the child so well with the line others constantly look downward but the cries and pleas are clearly heard by Dad.
Very nicely written and I love the artwork too. So much is stated in the shadows.
Gloria
reply by the author on 19-May-2015
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What a wonderful free very poem TPAC. The images of strength of the dad are exemplified well with towering stem legs and the bobbing head of the child.
You've captured the POV of the child so well with the line others constantly look downward but the cries and pleas are clearly heard by Dad.
Very nicely written and I love the artwork too. So much is stated in the shadows.
Gloria
Comment Written 18-May-2015
reply by the author on 19-May-2015
Thank you for generous rate and warm encvouraging comments
Comment from Curly Girly
Mmm... I am not quite sure what to make of this poem. It tells a veiled story about what? Possibly, a twisted father-daughter relationship?...
Your cries and pleas are clearly heard
Answered by the one you so love
The one you call Dad
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Mmm... I am not quite sure what to make of this poem. It tells a veiled story about what? Possibly, a twisted father-daughter relationship?...
Your cries and pleas are clearly heard
Answered by the one you so love
The one you call Dad
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Thanks for sharing and generous comment as for the work its my memory of a young child with their parents
Comment from amahra
Great art work by cleo85. Loved the free verse poem. It is exactly my style of writing poetry. It was very well written. Free verse is not as easy as some people think. Great job.
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Great art work by cleo85. Loved the free verse poem. It is exactly my style of writing poetry. It was very well written. Free verse is not as easy as some people think. Great job.
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
Thanks for encouraging warm hearted feelings and the generous rate and you're right about free verse
Comment from Sis Cat
Immediately when I read the first line "Living in another cast shadow" I thought of myself living in the shadow of my father who was a famous artist. When I reached the end of your poem I expected your reference to "the one you call Dad."
I suggest some corrections of spags:
"Like four old child grip of door" should be "Like a four year old child's grip . . ."
For consistency, omit "thee" and replace it with "you."
Use "asks" and "cares" and not "ask" and "care."
Your image of a child standing between the legs of a father is stunning and playful. The poem resonated with me and the feelings I have towards my own father.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you success in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Immediately when I read the first line "Living in another cast shadow" I thought of myself living in the shadow of my father who was a famous artist. When I reached the end of your poem I expected your reference to "the one you call Dad."
I suggest some corrections of spags:
"Like four old child grip of door" should be "Like a four year old child's grip . . ."
For consistency, omit "thee" and replace it with "you."
Use "asks" and "cares" and not "ask" and "care."
Your image of a child standing between the legs of a father is stunning and playful. The poem resonated with me and the feelings I have towards my own father.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you success in the contest.
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
Sis Cat you're alright I know I gave too much away in description and will make those changes love and appreciates your sincere intents Thank you
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
good job!
-action flows smoothly
-descriptive language used
-good format and picture (love the pic)
-good character development
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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good job!
-action flows smoothly
-descriptive language used
-good format and picture (love the pic)
-good character development
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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Generous rate thanking you for your kindness
Comment from petalangela
Every single poet writes from their soul we think to ourselves it's words it's just poetry . There is no hidden meaning. However the ALWAYS is.
To live in the shadows can be ferrying until we can reach out to some one we trust. Thank you for sharing this
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reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Every single poet writes from their soul we think to ourselves it's words it's just poetry . There is no hidden meaning. However the ALWAYS is.
To live in the shadows can be ferrying until we can reach out to some one we trust. Thank you for sharing this
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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Excellent point made and a true value of virtue. Thank you
Comment from KyoKohitsuji
This is a lovely poem and i enjoyed reading it very much. The beginning could be interpreted in so many ways, but the realisation at the end is nice and ties it all up together.
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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This is a lovely poem and i enjoyed reading it very much. The beginning could be interpreted in so many ways, but the realisation at the end is nice and ties it all up together.
Comment Written 15-May-2015
reply by the author on 15-May-2015
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I thought a little play between themes would be fun as stated The beginning could be interpreted in so many ways Thank you for your generous rate and kind comments
