Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "A Song"Dawn of Chaos
26 total reviews
Comment from Michael Wahl
I am having mixed feelings about your poem, but the bottom line is quite favorable. I kept thinking that it was too long to achieve maximum effectiveness, but each new line or series of lines advanced your concepts, so it does seem incorrect to stop until the real end gets here.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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I am having mixed feelings about your poem, but the bottom line is quite favorable. I kept thinking that it was too long to achieve maximum effectiveness, but each new line or series of lines advanced your concepts, so it does seem incorrect to stop until the real end gets here.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
Yet, I might assume somewhat dry in its presentation lacking refreshing features for reader -somewhat delightful in interest. Thanks for over generous rate and well recieved comments
Comment from lalajovanoski
Completely excellent free verse contest entry submission poem. Very deep as well as emotional. Thank you so very much for sharing this i truly enjoyed reading. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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Completely excellent free verse contest entry submission poem. Very deep as well as emotional. Thank you so very much for sharing this i truly enjoyed reading. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
Glad this work touched within you, which is illustrated and enhanced by your response I appreciate wondrous comment and encouragements applied Thank you
Comment from Rhona18
Punctuation would have helped me get to grips with this poem. It was hard work. I am finding it very difficult to work out the Fanstory marking system - so if I have inadvertently done something wrong I apologise.
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reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Punctuation would have helped me get to grips with this poem. It was hard work. I am finding it very difficult to work out the Fanstory marking system - so if I have inadvertently done something wrong I apologise.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
Thanks for the honesty and the place I feel comfortable at needing improvement and punctuation would enhance statement clarity
Comment from royowen
The is a like to stream of consciousness taking me on a fantastic journey, there's so many varied thoughts all at once, but it's a fantastic voyage, very clever and as I'm reading it in the early morning, a lot to absorb. Great language, the descriptive imagery is a wonderfully varied, like a clash of drums, I enjoyed the journey, well done, good luck in the contest, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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The is a like to stream of consciousness taking me on a fantastic journey, there's so many varied thoughts all at once, but it's a fantastic voyage, very clever and as I'm reading it in the early morning, a lot to absorb. Great language, the descriptive imagery is a wonderfully varied, like a clash of drums, I enjoyed the journey, well done, good luck in the contest, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
Wonderful insights and conveyances in your generous and kind response am getting cross mix but thank all for whatever aspect they behold its why I am here to listen
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Most welcome
Comment from sibhus
Wow, what a mixed bag of expressions, but I liked it. I liked how you have swung from the light to the dark in such unique terms, praising the joys of life while shutting away the sorrows. A very interesting poem that was a joy to read.
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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Wow, what a mixed bag of expressions, but I liked it. I liked how you have swung from the light to the dark in such unique terms, praising the joys of life while shutting away the sorrows. A very interesting poem that was a joy to read.
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
Thanking your for your very generous rate and thoughtful remarks
Comment from Donovan
This is a wonderful offering that you have presented. I like the content and the message. It allows the reader to feel what you feel. I would suggest the formatting of no breaks makes it very difficult physically to read.
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
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This is a wonderful offering that you have presented. I like the content and the message. It allows the reader to feel what you feel. I would suggest the formatting of no breaks makes it very difficult physically to read.
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 17-May-2015
I know but one step at time first the thought followed by enhancement glad you were able to swallow these chunks Thanks for generous rate and helpful comment
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem is dense with meaning and juxtapositioned wording that seems to contradict the emotion it evokes.
'Pour hot rich molting lava flowing gold
hope in glass a shattered vessel broken'
A theme of endurance sided with some angelic aid seems prevalent. Great stuff.
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
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This poem is dense with meaning and juxtapositioned wording that seems to contradict the emotion it evokes.
'Pour hot rich molting lava flowing gold
hope in glass a shattered vessel broken'
A theme of endurance sided with some angelic aid seems prevalent. Great stuff.
Comment Written 16-May-2015
reply by the author on 16-May-2015
Thanks for this surprising aspects in your comments in the review. Glad you for some form of delight within the work expression. I did and beginning to see more through others eyes
Comment from Chris Tee
I like this excellent poem a song and the words are mostly moral appeals this is a great entry and I wish you luck in this free verse contest.
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
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I like this excellent poem a song and the words are mostly moral appeals this is a great entry and I wish you luck in this free verse contest.
Comment Written 14-May-2015
reply by the author on 14-May-2015
Thanking you for response and with things stated an exhale on Song. Very generous rate and assurance of accomplishment
Comment from cbat
This writing I do not know quite what to do with.
So complicated, big beautiful words.
Much truth and inside a ringing of emotion.
yet making my head spin.
Great!
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
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This writing I do not know quite what to do with.
So complicated, big beautiful words.
Much truth and inside a ringing of emotion.
yet making my head spin.
Great!
Comment Written 13-May-2015
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
Thanking you for a generous rate with breathe taking response and final view of Great. Glad you found such matters to draw from the fact of this work
Comment from GregoryCody
Wings of joy stretched to shadow over me
Great line, nice alliteration
Make me hold my waist tight: laugh aloud
Have you thought of using a little enjambment like
Make me hold my waist tight--laugh aloud
All in all some fine poetry. Great assonance and a chopper style flow. I liked it a lot. Please explain the close here though. Sheltering knowledge of harmony. Nice semi assonance in knowledge and harmony
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
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Wings of joy stretched to shadow over me
Great line, nice alliteration
Make me hold my waist tight: laugh aloud
Have you thought of using a little enjambment like
Make me hold my waist tight--laugh aloud
All in all some fine poetry. Great assonance and a chopper style flow. I liked it a lot. Please explain the close here though. Sheltering knowledge of harmony. Nice semi assonance in knowledge and harmony
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 13-May-2015
Thanking you for generous rate, views and insights in comments
about the work and I do appreciate these thoughts of assurance. I
took your advice and revised poem hoping to rid it of this so called
chopper style with an addition phrase to enhance thoughts
conveyed in poem content lines. As for explain the close here
though. Sheltering knowledge of harmony. I thought peace in
silence because my work is created to inform me plus chopper style
hold special occurrences or events. I called them notes.
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Oh Awesome! Yeah you have some great raw talent. Use this site to hone it. It's an amazing place to do that! Try some different styles. Do a haiku or write in iambic pentameter. It'll help a lot.
