Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Loss"Dawn of Chaos
47 total reviews
Comment from Slythytove2
An interesting rendering of an horrific event still keenly remembered as one of mans most cruelly glaring displays of hubris and arrogance. In reading your account I was put in mind of one of those year-in-a-minute TV presentations. Just flashes of events without the narrative. An honorable effort.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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An interesting rendering of an horrific event still keenly remembered as one of mans most cruelly glaring displays of hubris and arrogance. In reading your account I was put in mind of one of those year-in-a-minute TV presentations. Just flashes of events without the narrative. An honorable effort.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Yet work is defined grammatically incorrect in presentation lacks coherency. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating views.
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Sorry, I didn't understand your answer but appreciate getting one anyway.
Comment from Gone but not forgotten
This concept piece is certainly free verse with inside out syntax and somewhat confusing timeline...works on several levels. The feeling of being on board and out of control plus a story we all know. Interesting. Thanks.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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This concept piece is certainly free verse with inside out syntax and somewhat confusing timeline...works on several levels. The feeling of being on board and out of control plus a story we all know. Interesting. Thanks.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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At least the ideal of a story was captured, content flaws throughout course according to reviews. Thanking you for generous rate and touching sentiments to those accounts.
Comment from Ulla
Sorry to give you a four, but it really doesn't make a lot of sense. You need to work on grammar and sentence structure. I believe it's about Titanic which was indeed a tragedy. All best. Ulla:)
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Sorry to give you a four, but it really doesn't make a lot of sense. You need to work on grammar and sentence structure. I believe it's about Titanic which was indeed a tragedy. All best. Ulla:)
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Thanking you and will attempt to understand this block against my writes. Thanking you for generous rate and guidance.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think I have mentioned this before but your work needs some work on the technical and grammatical aspects to make it a little more poetic.
The sentence structure is such that the reader can get lost in the meaning quite easily.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Hi there,
I think I have mentioned this before but your work needs some work on the technical and grammatical aspects to make it a little more poetic.
The sentence structure is such that the reader can get lost in the meaning quite easily.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Got message and am attempting revisions on all writes to make them proper. Thanking you for generous rate and great shout about my issue.
Comment from candyfink
This is well written and you bring an important issue to light.............. that's what a good writer does......... so thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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This is well written and you bring an important issue to light.............. that's what a good writer does......... so thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Glad aspects were pleasing still grammar flaws makes difficulties in reading. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging statements.
Comment from create4christ
You have chosen a very nice illustration. This is a nice FREE VERSE POETRY contest entry?, I think, about the Titanic..,when the families were telling the passengers goodbye. Good luck on your entry.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
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You have chosen a very nice illustration. This is a nice FREE VERSE POETRY contest entry?, I think, about the Titanic..,when the families were telling the passengers goodbye. Good luck on your entry.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
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Glad this write touched you, entry in contest no where near this revision of its view. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed thoughts.
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Loss, is epic in its rs telling the incredible, terrifying, and sad story of the sinking of the Titanic. Each line is packed with action and movement, as though witnessing the fast-paced activities. The entire build up of the luxury and happiness, until the accident and horror that followed, this poem seems to witness it all. Really good.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
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This poem, Loss, is epic in its rs telling the incredible, terrifying, and sad story of the sinking of the Titanic. Each line is packed with action and movement, as though witnessing the fast-paced activities. The entire build up of the luxury and happiness, until the accident and horror that followed, this poem seems to witness it all. Really good.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
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A story of sorrow many died, glad you escaped the horror. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating comments about this write.
Comment from foxangie123
I had read this once before and it is still as good as it was then. It is written well and is worth the read. Way to go my friend. It is neat how you used a ship and the suction and spiraling flow as well. Clever,
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
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I had read this once before and it is still as good as it was then. It is written well and is worth the read. Way to go my friend. It is neat how you used a ship and the suction and spiraling flow as well. Clever,
Comment Written 07-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
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Both read you found to be pleasing, glad this time you reflected a comment. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging inspiration.
Comment from nanwilliamson
You have chosen a great topic and have lots of vivid details to work with. I appreciate the fact that you have used rhyme to unify the lines in each stanza. but woe, alas, this needs more work. Many lines sound like notes for a poem and sometimes the effort to make a rhyme results in incoherency. (e.g."Adventurous adults efforts in interacts sit at bar trying to relieve stress; their daily current to be pressures had." what does this mean? Read your work aloud and more than once. It needs to flow more. Work on the disjointed bits of imagery. You have lots of good details and personal observations, go to it!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
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You have chosen a great topic and have lots of vivid details to work with. I appreciate the fact that you have used rhyme to unify the lines in each stanza. but woe, alas, this needs more work. Many lines sound like notes for a poem and sometimes the effort to make a rhyme results in incoherency. (e.g."Adventurous adults efforts in interacts sit at bar trying to relieve stress; their daily current to be pressures had." what does this mean? Read your work aloud and more than once. It needs to flow more. Work on the disjointed bits of imagery. You have lots of good details and personal observations, go to it!
Comment Written 07-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2016
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Interesting statement you made about this write. I will see if a stronger statement of coherent flow can be achieved. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating views.
Comment from winnona
I think some of the sentences were a little rough and hard to follow. But as an overall poem, it gets the message across. The feeling of people going on a holiday cruise intending to have a fun time with family and friends then it all goes wrong.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
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I think some of the sentences were a little rough and hard to follow. But as an overall poem, it gets the message across. The feeling of people going on a holiday cruise intending to have a fun time with family and friends then it all goes wrong.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2016
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2016
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Most my works has some form of pits, glad those you found didn"t discourage the story intended. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating comments.
