Act of Endurance
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Loss"Dawn of Chaos
47 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
I congratulate you on your courage. To attempt to write poetry in a language that is clearly not your first ia hard and dangerous thing to do. To attempt to write a poem as long as this under those circumstances is almost suicidal. I looked through what some other reviewers had wriitten and found myself agreeing with most of the lower starred reviews.
Sorry but it didn't work for me.
Poetry does not always have to be grammatical, but it has to use words so that overall there is some sense there. This is very good at creating a sense of complete and utter confusion, but i suspect you wanted to tell a story and this doesn't do that.
What you need to do in the immediate future is to work with a poet who is fluent in the language who can offer you some guidance here.
Finally don't be blinded by the few excellent reviews you have received. Most of those are trying to be kind and earn themselves some $$ at the same time but that doesn't help you much.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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I congratulate you on your courage. To attempt to write poetry in a language that is clearly not your first ia hard and dangerous thing to do. To attempt to write a poem as long as this under those circumstances is almost suicidal. I looked through what some other reviewers had wriitten and found myself agreeing with most of the lower starred reviews.
Sorry but it didn't work for me.
Poetry does not always have to be grammatical, but it has to use words so that overall there is some sense there. This is very good at creating a sense of complete and utter confusion, but i suspect you wanted to tell a story and this doesn't do that.
What you need to do in the immediate future is to work with a poet who is fluent in the language who can offer you some guidance here.
Finally don't be blinded by the few excellent reviews you have received. Most of those are trying to be kind and earn themselves some $$ at the same time but that doesn't help you much.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Yes my writre have problem but wrong or right I love them: why I wrote them. Tjanking you for returning me back tp my place. Appreciate known comments and welcomed thoughts.
Comment from Dr. Nad
Loss is a very nice free verse poetry writing prompt entry. As the poem begins in progresses, we see all the sights and sounds of merriment has passengers are excited to leave the dock can begin new adventures in distant lands. It's a joyous time until the clarion call rings out man the lifeboats and then the realization strikes. There aren't enough lifeboats. Good job. Thanks for sharing. May God bless you!
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Loss is a very nice free verse poetry writing prompt entry. As the poem begins in progresses, we see all the sights and sounds of merriment has passengers are excited to leave the dock can begin new adventures in distant lands. It's a joyous time until the clarion call rings out man the lifeboats and then the realization strikes. There aren't enough lifeboats. Good job. Thanks for sharing. May God bless you!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Glad this write found appeal, I thought it was a good presentation as well. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating statement.
You are most welcome.
Embrace the love from above!
Comment from simmonska
Nice job on telling a well known story using a long form poem; it reads as though the narrator were watching from a safe place as the Titanic went down.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Nice job on telling a well known story using a long form poem; it reads as though the narrator were watching from a safe place as the Titanic went down.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Yet others in comment states confusion not even a story conveyed. Glad you see as me. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging inspiration.
Comment from c_lucas
Ships have weak spots and death is near at hand. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Ships have weak spots and death is near at hand. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Yet I am told its confusion, not coherent and poorly structured in grammar. Glad you found interests. Thanking you for generous rate and welcomed thoughts.
Comment from Galactia
Hi
Chance wintry seas them, unknowingly it into unwanted sea ventute. ?
Alot of your story dosn't quite make sence. I think you trird to
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Hi
Chance wintry seas them, unknowingly it into unwanted sea ventute. ?
Alot of your story dosn't quite make sence. I think you trird to
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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I hope more efforts to perfect flaws, perhaps studying works such as your will help. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating comments.
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Hi, i have practiced and practiced, i can tell you right now, when i last was on here 3 years ago, i could not write a sonnet or a haiku, i even had a good poet, unfriend me as i couldn't write a sonnet and get the da DUM's right on fanstory. It's only now that i can write a sonnet and only just if this year, mastered haiku lol. I am thinking English isn't your main language? I can tsll ylu from my e peruence playing eve and talking to russians that gooe translator is the most useless tool ever. Lucky for me, russians 2nd language is English lol, because i am prety certain if they didn't i could of had a lot of russian enemies after using google translator, it truely is a useless tool. I can tell you now, you did lrety damn good as i wad born and raised in Australia and only know and been taught British English langjage and i cannot punctuate or gramatically cirrect anything and i have no excuse. Thats the one thing i am still trying to master, and the one thing i cannot teach you. I am good at teaching people new forms of poetfy, as to editing the poem, i am cometely useless at it, so don't be hard on your self.
Regards
Tia
Comment from ESchmitz
What is this? It reads like a bad MTL. Did you write this in another language and Google translate it? I couldn't get through the first paragraph before giving up. I'm sorry to say this, but I can't see this as a well written poem. I'm not sure what this is... but as it's written I can only give you a single 'star'. If this is some poetic form I am unfamiliar with then I apologize for my lack of knowledge. If so please inform me (so I can avoid it in the future since I don't get it).
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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What is this? It reads like a bad MTL. Did you write this in another language and Google translate it? I couldn't get through the first paragraph before giving up. I'm sorry to say this, but I can't see this as a well written poem. I'm not sure what this is... but as it's written I can only give you a single 'star'. If this is some poetic form I am unfamiliar with then I apologize for my lack of knowledge. If so please inform me (so I can avoid it in the future since I don't get it).
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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I appreciate your honesty and acknowledge my writes has flaws. Thanking you for generous rate and encouraging statements.
Comment from Wabigoon
TPAC--
I like this, your inimitable style of depicting things, the slow build to the "it's not immortal" conclusion, Neptune rising from the depths to strike with trident, lightning bolt, etc. Your poem's about as ambitious as the Titanic itself. A different sort of "convergence of the twain."
But I don't agree with it, or with those who have used the Titanic a an object lesson in utterly humiliating human hubris, the "God of Steel," etc.
My thinking, in brief goes more like this: who profits from this catastrophe? Many years later a fellow by the name of Cameron will make a film of the event and make over a billion bucks in the process. The first billion buck making movie ever. Seems to me he has one heck of a financial interest in that catastrophe being there to later make a movie from. If one is a serious dreamer one knows that time is not linear, that events can be planted in the past by the process of inception, yes, even unfortunate, fortune making catastrophes like this. I prefer to do away with the "gods" here and put all the responsibility in our hands, the little man, Professor Marvel over behind the curtain pulling all his levers.
But thanks for an ambitious, deeply felt poem.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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TPAC--
I like this, your inimitable style of depicting things, the slow build to the "it's not immortal" conclusion, Neptune rising from the depths to strike with trident, lightning bolt, etc. Your poem's about as ambitious as the Titanic itself. A different sort of "convergence of the twain."
But I don't agree with it, or with those who have used the Titanic a an object lesson in utterly humiliating human hubris, the "God of Steel," etc.
My thinking, in brief goes more like this: who profits from this catastrophe? Many years later a fellow by the name of Cameron will make a film of the event and make over a billion bucks in the process. The first billion buck making movie ever. Seems to me he has one heck of a financial interest in that catastrophe being there to later make a movie from. If one is a serious dreamer one knows that time is not linear, that events can be planted in the past by the process of inception, yes, even unfortunate, fortune making catastrophes like this. I prefer to do away with the "gods" here and put all the responsibility in our hands, the little man, Professor Marvel over behind the curtain pulling all his levers.
But thanks for an ambitious, deeply felt poem.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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My intent was more in being aware dispute the held view believed: watch. Way too generous rate but glad write touched you. Thanking you for your kind response.
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TPAC--
I think a significant part of my ranking was for your ambition, ambitiousness in taking on such a topic. That, to me, is what's ironic about Cameron's touting of the roust-about, basically penniless artist type play be by DiCaprio. Cameron's not a bit like that -- he's way more of a "Titan," who seems to love to depict the internal battle with that tendency in himself on the screen. I sense something of the same in you.
Thanks
Wabigoon
Comment from Dean Kuch
Free verse by it's very definition is just that, TPAC. The poet has free reign to express their innermost thoughts, feelings, and emotions about a particular topic or incident as they deem fit, without the rigorous demands that structured poetry often imposes.
This piece is certainly free verse with a plethora of reverse syntax. There-in lies the problem--the plethora of reverse syntax used is confusing, at best, and distracting to say the least.
I'm under the impression that English may not be your first language, nor is English an easy language to master by any means. So while I do admire the effort involved in merely speaking English, much less writing poetry in it, I still must base my review on the poem itself, and its content.
If you write this free poem poem on the ill-fated voyage of the Titanic while trying not to be overtly eloquent or come across as some sort of modern-day Shakespeare, you just might have something here.
As for correction, I would be here for the rest of the evening were I to try to help you "fix it".
Best of luck to you in the contest.
~Dean
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Free verse by it's very definition is just that, TPAC. The poet has free reign to express their innermost thoughts, feelings, and emotions about a particular topic or incident as they deem fit, without the rigorous demands that structured poetry often imposes.
This piece is certainly free verse with a plethora of reverse syntax. There-in lies the problem--the plethora of reverse syntax used is confusing, at best, and distracting to say the least.
I'm under the impression that English may not be your first language, nor is English an easy language to master by any means. So while I do admire the effort involved in merely speaking English, much less writing poetry in it, I still must base my review on the poem itself, and its content.
If you write this free poem poem on the ill-fated voyage of the Titanic while trying not to be overtly eloquent or come across as some sort of modern-day Shakespeare, you just might have something here.
As for correction, I would be here for the rest of the evening were I to try to help you "fix it".
Best of luck to you in the contest.
~Dean
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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I thank you for your kind offer but I'm happy. No its not perfect but liked. Thanking you for generous rate and touching sentiments.
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You're more than welcome, TPAC.
~Dean
Comment from Leineco
Despite the difficulties with English not being your first language
the picture you paint comes through of a combination of the
sinking of the Titanic and other assorted vessels sinking.
Of particular interest was your attention to the passengers
and what they felt and saw. Why they were traveling...what
dreams and horrors they lived out.
Unfortunately, for this audience, the grammatical issues present
comprehension difficulties - though the concept can be discerned
the flow is difficult to follow.
It is difficult to determine a rating when taking language handicaps
into account. But I feel there are enough grammar and syntax errors
to dictate a four is the best I can award.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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Despite the difficulties with English not being your first language
the picture you paint comes through of a combination of the
sinking of the Titanic and other assorted vessels sinking.
Of particular interest was your attention to the passengers
and what they felt and saw. Why they were traveling...what
dreams and horrors they lived out.
Unfortunately, for this audience, the grammatical issues present
comprehension difficulties - though the concept can be discerned
the flow is difficult to follow.
It is difficult to determine a rating when taking language handicaps
into account. But I feel there are enough grammar and syntax errors
to dictate a four is the best I can award.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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I would have given it a one, I mostly had received two: surprise me at FS. Thanking you for reminding me English isn't my language and true rate with endearing statement.
Comment from TAB_that's me
The Titanic was a tragic event as are other ship and plane wrecks.
There are some grammar and punctuation problems but I understand English is not your first language. I'm sure it is a beautiful poem - just doesn't translate too well.
teresa
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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The Titanic was a tragic event as are other ship and plane wrecks.
There are some grammar and punctuation problems but I understand English is not your first language. I'm sure it is a beautiful poem - just doesn't translate too well.
teresa
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
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I wish I could see your perspectives but my eyes can't visual to comprehend. I love it: just this aspect alone. Never like writing; but all my life wrote. Hope to see end after I share that written. Thanking you for generous rate and captivating comments.
