Mister Expert Explorer
50 word story38 total reviews
Comment from alexisleech
LOL! Well at least he had a couple of seconds of relief! Not an easy thing to write, a story in fifty words, but you've certainly managed to do it here!
Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Alexis x
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LOL! Well at least he had a couple of seconds of relief! Not an easy thing to write, a story in fifty words, but you've certainly managed to do it here!
Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Alexis x
Comment Written 04-May-2015
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Mikey,
I enjoyed this piece.
Trapped, flooding, lack of oxygen, and then the predator. Has it all in so few words!
Nice job. Good luck
GMG
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Hi Mikey,
I enjoyed this piece.
Trapped, flooding, lack of oxygen, and then the predator. Has it all in so few words!
Nice job. Good luck
GMG
Comment Written 04-May-2015
Comment from robina1978
Beautiful photo of this entrance to a cave that complements your Flash Fiction perfectly. Caught in a sea cave got you scared. But it went OK, apart from when the shark came. Best wishes for the prompt.
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Beautiful photo of this entrance to a cave that complements your Flash Fiction perfectly. Caught in a sea cave got you scared. But it went OK, apart from when the shark came. Best wishes for the prompt.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
Comment from CR Delport
Oh my. Surviving one thing only to get caught by another. That is why I would make a terrible explorer. I am scared of everything.
This is very well done. Good luck.
Take care.
Christelle.
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Oh my. Surviving one thing only to get caught by another. That is why I would make a terrible explorer. I am scared of everything.
This is very well done. Good luck.
Take care.
Christelle.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Avoid drowning only to become dinner. Clever. Action flows smoothly and story line easy to follow. Well done. Write on.
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Avoid drowning only to become dinner. Clever. Action flows smoothly and story line easy to follow. Well done. Write on.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
Comment from mfowler
Very clever, Mikey.
You have me with you in the drama of the cave, emotionally connected when you escape, and then hit between the eyes when the shark appears. It's amazing how one word, well placed (like SHARK) carries so much impact via reader's prior conceptions. Great use of 50 words.
Best of luck.
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Very clever, Mikey.
You have me with you in the drama of the cave, emotionally connected when you escape, and then hit between the eyes when the shark appears. It's amazing how one word, well placed (like SHARK) carries so much impact via reader's prior conceptions. Great use of 50 words.
Best of luck.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
Comment from Dawn Munro
Now that's one unlucky dude! LOL.
Okay, as for the ellipses - I would not recommend them, based on an article I read some time ago written by a very prestigious Publisher's editor. (Wish I'd kept the info to reference it for you!) She said the minute she sees them the manuscript gets trashed, and that most editors will do the same thing - the reasoning? Ellipses are used (in an editor's viewpoint) for one of two reasons - either the writer is too lazy to expand or incapable of coming up with the needed words. Either way, ellipses are a definite no-no...(< LOL; I couldn't resist)
This is a great little story, Michael - definitely tension-inducing. My only other concern is the fragmenting of your sentences - in a fifty-word story, it's not the best idea - it comes off as if you were trying to find a way to fit it all in, IMHO. Incomplete sentences work in haibun, for sure - in fact, it's a requirement. Here, though, I think you'd be better off making your sentences full statements. If I may suggest as an example:
I'm caught! I'm in a sea cave, my foot wedged between rocks, the only entrance underwater. The tide is talking now. How high will it rise? If I remain trapped it will be over my head! The water is levelling off with two feet to spare. Whew. Uh-oh: shark!
This is fifty words exactly - I eliminated a couple of your fragmented sentences to be able to add to the other ones, and IMO, they were not necessary anyway. What do you think? I hope this review is a help - this exercise is one I enjoy, personally, because it forces us to get rid of anything superfluous, and I sure can be guilty of going on and on... (LOL - no kidding - my nickname in Jamaica was JBC - for Jamaican Broadcast Corporation.) But concise writing often lends impact and power to the words, so these short-shorts challenge our skills.
Best of luck!
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Now that's one unlucky dude! LOL.
Okay, as for the ellipses - I would not recommend them, based on an article I read some time ago written by a very prestigious Publisher's editor. (Wish I'd kept the info to reference it for you!) She said the minute she sees them the manuscript gets trashed, and that most editors will do the same thing - the reasoning? Ellipses are used (in an editor's viewpoint) for one of two reasons - either the writer is too lazy to expand or incapable of coming up with the needed words. Either way, ellipses are a definite no-no...(< LOL; I couldn't resist)
This is a great little story, Michael - definitely tension-inducing. My only other concern is the fragmenting of your sentences - in a fifty-word story, it's not the best idea - it comes off as if you were trying to find a way to fit it all in, IMHO. Incomplete sentences work in haibun, for sure - in fact, it's a requirement. Here, though, I think you'd be better off making your sentences full statements. If I may suggest as an example:
I'm caught! I'm in a sea cave, my foot wedged between rocks, the only entrance underwater. The tide is talking now. How high will it rise? If I remain trapped it will be over my head! The water is levelling off with two feet to spare. Whew. Uh-oh: shark!
This is fifty words exactly - I eliminated a couple of your fragmented sentences to be able to add to the other ones, and IMO, they were not necessary anyway. What do you think? I hope this review is a help - this exercise is one I enjoy, personally, because it forces us to get rid of anything superfluous, and I sure can be guilty of going on and on... (LOL - no kidding - my nickname in Jamaica was JBC - for Jamaican Broadcast Corporation.) But concise writing often lends impact and power to the words, so these short-shorts challenge our skills.
Best of luck!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
Comment from Gloria ....
Ha! Love it Mikey. Now you are scaring me especially when you asked about the proper use of elipses. Sorry my friend, you are asking the wrong chica. What's an elipses. I do however know what a shark is. Ruuuuuuun! erm Swimmmm.
You told the story though so best wishes to you in the contest.
Gloria
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Ha! Love it Mikey. Now you are scaring me especially when you asked about the proper use of elipses. Sorry my friend, you are asking the wrong chica. What's an elipses. I do however know what a shark is. Ruuuuuuun! erm Swimmmm.
You told the story though so best wishes to you in the contest.
Gloria
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
