Little Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 226 "The Maypole Dance"Small and Specialty Poems
20 total reviews
Comment from skye
A history lesson in a poem. I enjoyed it. I love the idea of the Maypole, of the freshness of spring, the flowers, and the party.
The dark side will always try to stop the fun.
You captured it all and it was very good.
Well done.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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A history lesson in a poem. I enjoyed it. I love the idea of the Maypole, of the freshness of spring, the flowers, and the party.
The dark side will always try to stop the fun.
You captured it all and it was very good.
Well done.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you Skye. Yes, isn't that the way.
Comment from Sis Cat
This is an excellent alliterative verse poem. It is chock full of fun and vivid lines:
Rendering real recent, or renewing, romances,
The Beltane begins in a beautiful ballet.
I also enjoyed how your poem brought back the memory and the history of the May pole dance. This is a well-crafted and well-researched poem. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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This is an excellent alliterative verse poem. It is chock full of fun and vivid lines:
Rendering real recent, or renewing, romances,
The Beltane begins in a beautiful ballet.
I also enjoyed how your poem brought back the memory and the history of the May pole dance. This is a well-crafted and well-researched poem. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you Sis Cat.
Comment from TPAC
Unique style, excellent lines at spots throughout. I feel the arrangement of order could enhance work. Linking of common items might exist. Yet a treasured expression for me among many viewed. Sir you are very talented. Do the right thing, share you greater inside precisely
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Unique style, excellent lines at spots throughout. I feel the arrangement of order could enhance work. Linking of common items might exist. Yet a treasured expression for me among many viewed. Sir you are very talented. Do the right thing, share you greater inside precisely
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you TPAC.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Notes interesting. Picture illustrates the poem well. Action flows smoothly. Story line easy to follow. Descriptive language well used. Sure it is lots of fun for the little kiddies too. Write on.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Notes interesting. Picture illustrates the poem well. Action flows smoothly. Story line easy to follow. Descriptive language well used. Sure it is lots of fun for the little kiddies too. Write on.
Comment Written 04-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you Brett. Yeah, kids do have fun at the maypole.
Comment from TAB_that's me
I liked the playfulness of this right from the start. Great alliteration throughout. It is very festive. I think God welcomes the celebration through song and dance but I know some religions don't believe in that.
Teresa
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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I liked the playfulness of this right from the start. Great alliteration throughout. It is very festive. I think God welcomes the celebration through song and dance but I know some religions don't believe in that.
Teresa
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you Teresa. He very well might.
Comment from patcelaw
This is beautifully written. The history lesson you give in the notes helped me understand better what the pagan celebration was all about. Patricia
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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This is beautifully written. The history lesson you give in the notes helped me understand better what the pagan celebration was all about. Patricia
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you Patricia. Glad to help.
Comment from Pantygynt
Oops! I couldn't have made myself clear. In a single line the alliteration must cross from the first half to the second. In some cases yours does but mostly you have two separate alliterations in the same line and that is not how it should be. Look at S2, L7 This is a fine line you alliterate on the B twice in the first half and that alliterates across to the second half, twice again. In the next line however you lose it alliterating on the first half on the N and in the second half on the S. Have another look at my Selkie poem "Weaker than Water" and you should see what I'm driving at.
I'm thrilled that you have had a go and I'm sure you'll get there in the end. I blame myself for not being clearer.
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reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Oops! I couldn't have made myself clear. In a single line the alliteration must cross from the first half to the second. In some cases yours does but mostly you have two separate alliterations in the same line and that is not how it should be. Look at S2, L7 This is a fine line you alliterate on the B twice in the first half and that alliterates across to the second half, twice again. In the next line however you lose it alliterating on the first half on the N and in the second half on the S. Have another look at my Selkie poem "Weaker than Water" and you should see what I'm driving at.
I'm thrilled that you have had a go and I'm sure you'll get there in the end. I blame myself for not being clearer.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Ok, I get it. The alliteration has to be constant across both halves.
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Ok, i reviewed it again. I got confused by your lines like:
Begs her beloved to bring her hide back.
Which has B and H alliteration
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Sorry about that. You can have more than the minimum but not less. In the example you give here it is the 2 to 1 alliteration on the b that is definitive. The h alliteration is only in the second half an is therefore not definitive. I'll have another look at the poem. Cripes! You must have stayed up all night doing it.
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Wikipedia has some excellent coverage of the Alliterative Verse, which leads me to conclude some flaws in your presentation. Too. The two half lines have only 2 stressed syllables each, with 2 alliterations in the A side , but only 1 in the B side. Never more than 1 on that side. Possibly up to 3 in the A side.. I think I understand it better now. My next one will be much better. Although I am very proud of what I wrote.
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I never said I was perfect, just that I striver for it. I would suggest that you have a look at some of the original in the original language, the translations often loos a lot. Beowul in the voriginal Anglo-Saxon is too inaccessible but Gawain and the Green Knight is a great yarn and has some excellent examples of alliterative verse in it. You could also do worse than Google "alliterative verse" and dip into what is brought up. Good hunting!
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Thanks Pantygynt. This has been a real learning experience for me. I enjoy learning and trying new things. With your permission, i like to try the Symmetrina format you created.
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Of course. You don't need my permission but good of you to ask. Have you had a look at my Sestina on P1 I can't recall having seen a review of it from you. And if you like form I am sure you'll like it. All the best.
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Not yet, but I'll get to it. Yes, I've written a few Sestinas, i like the format very much.
Comment from rod007
This is absolutely superb not only in form but also in content. A vivid description of the progression of the original sin from Adam and Eve. It was not too direct. It was subtle and cast images of the sexual yearning that is man's and I dare say woman's lot. This was one of your best, really well done, Tom.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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This is absolutely superb not only in form but also in content. A vivid description of the progression of the original sin from Adam and Eve. It was not too direct. It was subtle and cast images of the sexual yearning that is man's and I dare say woman's lot. This was one of your best, really well done, Tom.
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you very much rod. I value you comments and revel in those stars.
Comment from Joan E.
Thanks for the history lesson about the Maypole (28,000 years!) and Alliterative Verse (oldest, written English poetry) neither of which I knew. Once again, you've proven how much you relish challenges! Now, you just have to go out and shoot a whole roll of film on maypoles!! Besides the masterful use of alliteration, I enjoyed the way you wove in the ancient practices and current traditions. Another splendid salute to May. More cheers- Joan
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reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thanks for the history lesson about the Maypole (28,000 years!) and Alliterative Verse (oldest, written English poetry) neither of which I knew. Once again, you've proven how much you relish challenges! Now, you just have to go out and shoot a whole roll of film on maypoles!! Besides the masterful use of alliteration, I enjoyed the way you wove in the ancient practices and current traditions. Another splendid salute to May. More cheers- Joan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you Joan for another of your delightfully astute reviews.
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You know how to flatter a gal! : ) -Joan
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You have an amazing talent with words. You always enlighten the readers with your informative notes.
This presentation is beautiful. The alliteration has a 'ring' to it. I enjoyed everything you so aptly wrote. The picture is perfect for the words. The color scheme is delightful.
My favorite line is:
They yearn to wander yonder, whether young or old
I like it because of [wander & yonder] and that it includes both young & old.
Good job on this amazing poem in a difficult format. All I can think of is Chaucer's
in the darkness dwelt a demon sprite
Thanks for sharing a beautiful poem to celebrate May Day.
I see no changes. This is great.
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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You have an amazing talent with words. You always enlighten the readers with your informative notes.
This presentation is beautiful. The alliteration has a 'ring' to it. I enjoyed everything you so aptly wrote. The picture is perfect for the words. The color scheme is delightful.
My favorite line is:
They yearn to wander yonder, whether young or old
I like it because of [wander & yonder] and that it includes both young & old.
Good job on this amazing poem in a difficult format. All I can think of is Chaucer's
in the darkness dwelt a demon sprite
Thanks for sharing a beautiful poem to celebrate May Day.
I see no changes. This is great.
Comment Written 03-May-2015
reply by the author on 04-May-2015
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Thank you very much jannypan. This review is delightful. I love the stars too.
