Kidnapped
a short story about a kidnap victim8 total reviews
Comment from Judy Couch
This story is very good with a surprise ending. At first I thought she was traumatized and unable to talk. You did an excellent job of building suspense to the climax.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
  |
This story is very good with a surprise ending. At first I thought she was traumatized and unable to talk. You did an excellent job of building suspense to the climax.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
Thank you so much, Judy, for your wonderful review and six-star rating. I am delighted you found the story both suspenseful and surprising.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Whoa! Na-s-s-s-s-s-t-y...
Well, severing someone's tongue is a great way to prevent them from making a verbal statement, true enough. However as soon as she's recovered and is no longer in shock, a written one would do. If she were too young to write, a video could be made using physical responses from the poor girl, like blinking twice for yes, and once for no. Thank God the creep didn't gouge out her eyes. She could still identify him in a photo lineup, or an actual line up if he survived.
Good story, could happen...
All the best in your contest...~Dean
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
 |
Whoa! Na-s-s-s-s-s-t-y...
Well, severing someone's tongue is a great way to prevent them from making a verbal statement, true enough. However as soon as she's recovered and is no longer in shock, a written one would do. If she were too young to write, a video could be made using physical responses from the poor girl, like blinking twice for yes, and once for no. Thank God the creep didn't gouge out her eyes. She could still identify him in a photo lineup, or an actual line up if he survived.
Good story, could happen...
All the best in your contest...~Dean
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
Thanks, Dean. I always enjoy your reviews and commentary. Unfortunately, this story was ripped from the headlines.
-
Wow, that's even more horrifying. There truly are monsters roaming amongst us all...
Comment from I am Cat
Yikes! An interesting story and a well thought out plot.
The ending makes you a tad sick, and also wanting more.
You held my interest the entire time and I think it was a
good response to the prompt.
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
|
Yikes! An interesting story and a well thought out plot.
The ending makes you a tad sick, and also wanting more.
You held my interest the entire time and I think it was a
good response to the prompt.
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
Thank you so much for reading my story. I am especially pleased you'd like more despite the ending. I'd like to work this into a longer narrative, but not a novel.
Comment from Bill Schott
Great characterizations of press, cops, social worker, and victim. The dialog seemed real. I like how the officer begins the whole story and is made to focus only on what concerns the social worker's interest. Unexpected ending. Owe you a 6.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
|
Great characterizations of press, cops, social worker, and victim. The dialog seemed real. I like how the officer begins the whole story and is made to focus only on what concerns the social worker's interest. Unexpected ending. Owe you a 6.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
Thank you so much, Bill, for your extremely kind praise and the virtual six-star rating.
I am delighted you enjoyed the story.
Comment from Begin Again
Oh a brutal ending for sure...Glad to be rescued but caring the brunt of the kidnapping with her for life...not only in her mind but in her mouth. Quite inventive...Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
|
Oh a brutal ending for sure...Glad to be rescued but caring the brunt of the kidnapping with her for life...not only in her mind but in her mouth. Quite inventive...Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 29-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2015
-
I appreciate your sharing my poem and your response to its ending. Thank you for your best wishes, too.
Comment from mfowler
Ouch! That final line and the twist in the flash fiction tail, was gruesome and perfect.
On face value this is a straight forward crime and punishment story by the numbers.
But, you set it up well with the usual array of interested parties, the jaded cop and the innocent Claire.
No-one will pick this one.
Best of luck. This is good.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
|
Ouch! That final line and the twist in the flash fiction tail, was gruesome and perfect.
On face value this is a straight forward crime and punishment story by the numbers.
But, you set it up well with the usual array of interested parties, the jaded cop and the innocent Claire.
No-one will pick this one.
Best of luck. This is good.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2015
-
I am delighted you enjoyed this short-short, especially the ending. Thank you for sharing and for your wonderful feedback.
Comment from meggie13
Wow! What a horrible tale! What a surprise ending! Excellent imagery. Well written and the end was very surprising and sickening at the same time. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
|
Wow! What a horrible tale! What a surprise ending! Excellent imagery. Well written and the end was very surprising and sickening at the same time. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
-
I truly appreciate your comments about my story. Yes, the ending is sickening, but the story is based on a true kidnap case. Thanks for sharing.
-
You are so welcome. This is a true story? Poor little girl! I wonder what happened to the crazy man .
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Typical response of the Press in situations like this one. Action flows smoothly. Story line easy to follow. Descriptive language used well. Write on.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
|
Typical response of the Press in situations like this one. Action flows smoothly. Story line easy to follow. Descriptive language used well. Write on.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2015
-
I truly appreciate your reading and reviewing my short story and your comments about the action and my use of language.
