Inside My Head
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Strongman Mine, NZ"I am what I am,my thoughts, my words,my poems
8 total reviews
Comment from patcelaw
Bill this poem and the amount of time it took to write just goes to prove that God give us words and when the words come from Him the words are penned quickly. Most of my poetry is written in 10 minutes or less. Patricia
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Bill this poem and the amount of time it took to write just goes to prove that God give us words and when the words come from Him the words are penned quickly. Most of my poetry is written in 10 minutes or less. Patricia
Comment Written 06-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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it was like someone else was telling me what to say, it was an extrordinary experience, thnx for your comments Patricia
Comment from Ulla
Excellent, I really liked it. You do tell the tragic story of the miners in your poem.
I only found that when you write wouldn,t and It,s it should be wouldn't and It's.
I enjoyed reading it. Ulla
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Excellent, I really liked it. You do tell the tragic story of the miners in your poem.
I only found that when you write wouldn,t and It,s it should be wouldn't and It's.
I enjoyed reading it. Ulla
Comment Written 06-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Hi Ulla, yes, my punctuation needs a little work, but i am learning,smiley face insert cause i cant find the logo,thnx for your comments,cheers Bill
Comment from stephybs
This is told well and you are blessed for keeping their memories going. Y rd a little creepy, BUT I would say spiritually continued. Excellent! Stephanie
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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This is told well and you are blessed for keeping their memories going. Y rd a little creepy, BUT I would say spiritually continued. Excellent! Stephanie
Comment Written 06-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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thnx Steph
Comment from gamay
Hello Bill, I like this work its makes me sad .Sorry about my english I want to learn much . Thanks for your sharing and God bless,gm
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Hello Bill, I like this work its makes me sad .Sorry about my english I want to learn much . Thanks for your sharing and God bless,gm
Comment Written 06-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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thnx for comments gamay
Comment from MoonMuse
I believe this is the first poem I've read about a mining disaster, though I've read about many more. I thank you for the acknowledgement of such a tragedy.
I think you do justice to the events by retelling a clear story. I'm not sure the 2nd line is needed though. It jumbles the progression: date, miner's death, mine blows, miner's death. You could probably lose "in the morning" since you already reference "AM" with the time. I noticed you use both 'inquiry' and 'enquiry'? There also appear to be some minor typos with "," instead of " ' ", but that's very minor. Overall, the flow is fairly smooth. It's a nice, complete read and an enjoyable piece. Thanks for the post. Cheers!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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I believe this is the first poem I've read about a mining disaster, though I've read about many more. I thank you for the acknowledgement of such a tragedy.
I think you do justice to the events by retelling a clear story. I'm not sure the 2nd line is needed though. It jumbles the progression: date, miner's death, mine blows, miner's death. You could probably lose "in the morning" since you already reference "AM" with the time. I noticed you use both 'inquiry' and 'enquiry'? There also appear to be some minor typos with "," instead of " ' ", but that's very minor. Overall, the flow is fairly smooth. It's a nice, complete read and an enjoyable piece. Thanks for the post. Cheers!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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thnx for those comments,very constructive, appreciate that,cheers, Bill
Comment from Eric1
Hi Bill, this is a sad and yet poignant entry for this story in a poem competition, your words are hauntingly close to the truth, the use of imagery and description is beautiful.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2015
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Hi Bill, this is a sad and yet poignant entry for this story in a poem competition, your words are hauntingly close to the truth, the use of imagery and description is beautiful.
I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2015
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thnx Eric for your comments
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You are very welcome Bill
Comment from robina1978
An intriguing and sad story you told in this poem. I had never heard of this accident. I think you rhymed reasonably well but I suggest you check your punctuation as you forgot some spaces. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2015
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An intriguing and sad story you told in this poem. I had never heard of this accident. I think you rhymed reasonably well but I suggest you check your punctuation as you forgot some spaces. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2015
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thnx Robina
Comment from benoenose
A challenge to live on this earth - to feed the young ones at home. Hard risk is life is one with strong men/women. They go to ends to meet their living. The poem depicts the heroic strength of the working class.
Fate could play a role, thinks the poet. However, we do not know what such evil designs are. Life has to be fought by these strong men!
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2015
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A challenge to live on this earth - to feed the young ones at home. Hard risk is life is one with strong men/women. They go to ends to meet their living. The poem depicts the heroic strength of the working class.
Fate could play a role, thinks the poet. However, we do not know what such evil designs are. Life has to be fought by these strong men!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2015
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thnx for your comment
