Stand Strong
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "You Light Up the Night"Social pressures threaten a childhood friendship
46 total reviews
Comment from alf collier
Hi writingfundimension. This is another well written post. Your characters remain strong and the events you depict are everyday events that YA will relate to very well. Looking forward to the next segment, alf
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Hi writingfundimension. This is another well written post. Your characters remain strong and the events you depict are everyday events that YA will relate to very well. Looking forward to the next segment, alf
Comment Written 31-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Hi, Alf. Thank you so much for hanging in with this novel. I appreciate that and your generosity, too.
Happy Easter!
Bev
Comment from amahra
Fantastic new chapter, Bev. Good thing the bang woke her up; sounds like she was heading for a nice moist dream. LOL! The dream was cute. Typically what a young teen girl would dream.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Fantastic new chapter, Bev. Good thing the bang woke her up; sounds like she was heading for a nice moist dream. LOL! The dream was cute. Typically what a young teen girl would dream.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Hi, Amahra. Thank you for the great review! I wavered on including because the 'rules' say dreams are cliche. But, I've had good feedback, like yours, so I'm glad I went with my gut. I appreciate your generosity very much.
:) Bev
Comment from chasennov
Second Thoughts Stand Strong You Light Up the Night, Part 1. This is an awesome chapter you have created here, Bev. What I always look forward to is the plot and conclusion, but at the same time hoping it is delayed, the storyline is that good. Well done.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Second Thoughts Stand Strong You Light Up the Night, Part 1. This is an awesome chapter you have created here, Bev. What I always look forward to is the plot and conclusion, but at the same time hoping it is delayed, the storyline is that good. Well done.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Hi, Chasennov. Thanks so very much for this gracious and generous review. It's always a pleasure to read your special insights, as well, which are always encouraging.
Happy Easter!
Bev
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You are most welcome, Bev. Happy Easter.
Comment from Leineco
This is my first time stepping into this world :-)
I found the dream sequence cunningly placed. It was a wonderful piece of bait to pull me in :-)
Thought the mother/daughter morning back and forth sounded very realistic. And the Mara/Mazie conversation had both a very authentic feel and good use of dialect (for Mazie).
Nicely done :-)
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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This is my first time stepping into this world :-)
I found the dream sequence cunningly placed. It was a wonderful piece of bait to pull me in :-)
Thought the mother/daughter morning back and forth sounded very realistic. And the Mara/Mazie conversation had both a very authentic feel and good use of dialect (for Mazie).
Nicely done :-)
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Hi, Leinoco
Thanks so very much for this generous and encouraging review. I really appreciate all the time you spent on letting me know what worked for you in this chapter. That's so very helpful.
Happy Easter!
Bev
Comment from Helena Frances
The picture is interesting-could mean many things, which would interest teens.
It could be a web, with a path, leading in or out (that's what I saw)
The story is great, flows well, and doesn't leave gaps of information.
One concern: in my experience kids don't start losing teeth until about five or six years
old--so that may not fit for Mazie.
Looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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The picture is interesting-could mean many things, which would interest teens.
It could be a web, with a path, leading in or out (that's what I saw)
The story is great, flows well, and doesn't leave gaps of information.
One concern: in my experience kids don't start losing teeth until about five or six years
old--so that may not fit for Mazie.
Looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Thanks so much, Helena. I really appreciate your lovely review and correcting me on that age for losing teeth. Can you tell I've never had children? I'll change the age for Mazie because I'm sure you're right.
Happy Easter!
Bev
Comment from andrewday2059
I'm not in your demo, but I'll try to add something constructive.
This is a very heavy-handed piece for my tastes. I haven't read the previous parts, but I have to wonder if the Kris-Scott love story really needs to be jammed into the story at this point. It seemed kind of like a flashback, but entirely out of sequence and heavy on the kind of detail that serves the author well, but sticks out of the narrative roughly. The description of all the church stuff reads too much like either this stuff is actually done at your church OR this how you would do it at your church if you ran the program. Either way, that's where most of the "heavy-handedness" comes from for me.
Anyway, I'm not your demo. Take it or leave it. Good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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I'm not in your demo, but I'll try to add something constructive.
This is a very heavy-handed piece for my tastes. I haven't read the previous parts, but I have to wonder if the Kris-Scott love story really needs to be jammed into the story at this point. It seemed kind of like a flashback, but entirely out of sequence and heavy on the kind of detail that serves the author well, but sticks out of the narrative roughly. The description of all the church stuff reads too much like either this stuff is actually done at your church OR this how you would do it at your church if you ran the program. Either way, that's where most of the "heavy-handedness" comes from for me.
Anyway, I'm not your demo. Take it or leave it. Good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Thanks.
Comment from judiverse
I'm departing with a 6 for this. Great work with Mara's character development. Her dream about Gabe is fascinating and sounds typical teenager. You do a great job of explaining her family's interest in the church and how Mara became interested in the Kids-Connect program Her connection with Mazie is shown very well. This really establishes Mara's character as very caring. judi
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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I'm departing with a 6 for this. Great work with Mara's character development. Her dream about Gabe is fascinating and sounds typical teenager. You do a great job of explaining her family's interest in the church and how Mara became interested in the Kids-Connect program Her connection with Mazie is shown very well. This really establishes Mara's character as very caring. judi
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Hi, Judi. I'm honored you've given one of those precious sixes to my chapter. That's very generous of you, and I appreciate it very much. Wasn't sure if the dream sequence would work and almost didn't go with it, but I've gotten good feedback on my decision LoL.
Hope you have a lovely Easter!
:) Bev
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You're very welcome. l Yes, I like the dream sequence. Can't believe we're that close to Easter. No plans yet. judi
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I can't believe it either, especially when we just got snow yesterday and still hovering in the 30's. :(
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Not more snow! At least we haven't had that. judi
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is yet another interesting addition to the story that the author has created with this piece of work. This is quite a comprehensive post and I can see no errors or room for improvement.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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This is yet another interesting addition to the story that the author has created with this piece of work. This is quite a comprehensive post and I can see no errors or room for improvement.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Thank you much, Tomes. I appreciate your kind review. :)
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My pleasure
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What a lovely chapter - so touching,
making it a pleasure to read, Bev.
Couple of minor things:
an oustandign speaker
an outstanding
"Jethus knowths everthing(,) doesn't He[.](?)" - comma and add question mark.( is "everthing" deliberate? everything)
Margaret.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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What a lovely chapter - so touching,
making it a pleasure to read, Bev.
Couple of minor things:
an oustandign speaker
an outstanding
"Jethus knowths everthing(,) doesn't He[.](?)" - comma and add question mark.( is "everthing" deliberate? everything)
Margaret.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Thanks so much, Margaret. Happy Easter! :) Bev
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Happy Easter to you, dear Bev. M
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi writingfundimension,
I guess I have a very different taste in music, religious or otherwise. I find drums, guitars and electronic amps a major hinderance to worship, but then, each to his own. Good chapter, no spag spotted and plenty of dialogue and narrative driven information helping to build out the characters, their tastes and their beliefs.
Well done.
Patrick
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Hi writingfundimension,
I guess I have a very different taste in music, religious or otherwise. I find drums, guitars and electronic amps a major hinderance to worship, but then, each to his own. Good chapter, no spag spotted and plenty of dialogue and narrative driven information helping to build out the characters, their tastes and their beliefs.
Well done.
Patrick
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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You know, I grew up loving rock music, so for me it's something that resonates with dynamism. As you say, it's not everyone's cup of tea, and my church offers a variety for different Masses in recognition of those needs..
Thanks for your great insights and encouragement, Patrick.
Happy Easter!
Bev
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Happy Easter and a Blessed Holy Week to you too. My current church is very 'low', but my last had everything from grand and traditional through to modern with the quiet and introspective in between. If truth be told, I love the quiet contemplative worship for the most part, but the grand High Mass with all the glorious music, the choral settings and the sometimes thunderous organ is a feast for my soul.
Patrick
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Oh, I agree on the latter, Patrick. Unfortunately for most Catholics, unless you live in New York City, for instance, and can attend St. Patrick's Cathedral on Fifth Avenue, Americans don't get to experience what you describe. I can only imagine how inspiring such a magnificent worship experience would be.
:)
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It's a great shame that most people don't get to experience the full spectrum. Okay, some small churches just don't lend themselves to the full 'glory' but all too many get stuck in one sort of worship pattern and never try anything else. I was lucky at Tewkesbury Abbey, we didn't have pews, so we could use the entire floor area in different ways. Look them up at tewkesburyabbey-dot-org
Patrick
