Stand Strong
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "You Light Up the Night"Social pressures threaten a childhood friendship
46 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
would, undoubtedly be wearing it today. (I would change 'it' to 'theirs')
The beginning seemed so real, I was surprised it was just a dream, but sometimes dreams come true! This seems to be written at the right level for young adult. Well written, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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would, undoubtedly be wearing it today. (I would change 'it' to 'theirs')
The beginning seemed so real, I was surprised it was just a dream, but sometimes dreams come true! This seems to be written at the right level for young adult. Well written, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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Hi Debbie, great to hear from you. Thanks for the excellent review and suggestion. I always appreciate a sharp editorial eye!
:) Bev
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Super chapter, Bev. I love how you started the story, kind of "fooling" your readers and then revealing it was a dream. I think young people have very vivid dreams and it's totally realistic Mara was dreaming about her "dream boat". (LOL) And no, I don't think dreams are one bit cliche or overdone.
This family strikes me as being super religious--but they seem to get a great deal of reward and joy from their church activities. As the cliche goes, 'it's all good.'
Very good job with the interaction between the Mazie and Mara. So very common that little girls adore teen girls that pay attention to them.
I think your story reads very realistically, and that's very important in YA fiction.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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Super chapter, Bev. I love how you started the story, kind of "fooling" your readers and then revealing it was a dream. I think young people have very vivid dreams and it's totally realistic Mara was dreaming about her "dream boat". (LOL) And no, I don't think dreams are one bit cliche or overdone.
This family strikes me as being super religious--but they seem to get a great deal of reward and joy from their church activities. As the cliche goes, 'it's all good.'
Very good job with the interaction between the Mazie and Mara. So very common that little girls adore teen girls that pay attention to them.
I think your story reads very realistically, and that's very important in YA fiction.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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Hi, Marietta. Thank you so much for this awesome review! I really appreciate your generosity and support, my friend. I remember a time when my own nieces were attached to my hip, so to speak. I do miss those times. Made me feel pretty
special.
Glad you're back from your trip. When can we expect a chapter from you?
:) Bev
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You're so welcome, Bev. Hey, it's great to be admired by the younger set, isn't it?
My next post is coming up soon. I vowed I would finish the story before posting the first word, but I'm far enough ahead, I think I can release Chapter One. I'm dreadfully stuck on a title for the story, though! Aaarghh.
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Oh, boy. Can't wait to read it!!
Comment from Connie C
Awww. . shucks--it was only a dream, the thing with Gabe and Mara at the beginning of the chapter. You had me thinking that maybe I had missed something since the last chapter.
I like how Mazie takes Mara's mind off the concert with Gabe and Jujee. You do a good job of depicting Mara as a sweet girl. I am truly enjoying reading this, Bev. I could find no spags at all, and I do like to point them out if I see them since your writing, otherwise, is excellent.
Good job here!
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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Awww. . shucks--it was only a dream, the thing with Gabe and Mara at the beginning of the chapter. You had me thinking that maybe I had missed something since the last chapter.
I like how Mazie takes Mara's mind off the concert with Gabe and Jujee. You do a good job of depicting Mara as a sweet girl. I am truly enjoying reading this, Bev. I could find no spags at all, and I do like to point them out if I see them since your writing, otherwise, is excellent.
Good job here!
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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Connie, thank you so very much for this your really encouraging review! I'm glad you're enjoying reading the novel, and do appreciate your looking out for me editorially speaking! I can use all the help I can get. Amazing how many things I miss because I'm too caught up in the story LoL.
Hope you have a wonderful Easter, your grandson's first one I believe? Did he have a visit with the Easter Bunny is would that have scared him.
Anyway, thanks again, for your generosity and support.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from kiwijenny
Will do, do honey....lose the second do
I love the scene with Mara and her little fan
The child-speak is precious and adds authenticity to your story
Well done. I especially loved the ending
God bless
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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Will do, do honey....lose the second do
I love the scene with Mara and her little fan
The child-speak is precious and adds authenticity to your story
Well done. I especially loved the ending
God bless
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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Hi, kiwijenny. Thanks for catching my spaggie and for your grand review. I really appreciate the encouragement.
:) Bev
Comment from thee-name
Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Writing was interesting.
Mara spread the prints of the concert photographs in a straight line across the table.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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Excellent chapter. Seen no mistakes. Writing was interesting.
Mara spread the prints of the concert photographs in a straight line across the table.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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Thanks so much, T. :) Bev
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thank you! :)
Comment from Jacob Collins
Another entertaining chapter. I was surprised when the first few paragraphs turned out to be a dream, your writing managed to make it appear real as well. Your writing was very well written in this piece and the transitions between each scene were constructed well. I just spotted one minor error. When Mara is speaking you have written: saying "I fought you weren't coming." Fought should be thought. Was this deliberate? Overall an enjoyable piece...Jacob
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Another entertaining chapter. I was surprised when the first few paragraphs turned out to be a dream, your writing managed to make it appear real as well. Your writing was very well written in this piece and the transitions between each scene were constructed well. I just spotted one minor error. When Mara is speaking you have written: saying "I fought you weren't coming." Fought should be thought. Was this deliberate? Overall an enjoyable piece...Jacob
Comment Written 31-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Hi, Jacob. Thanks so much for your grand review and continued interest in my novel. I appreciate very much you pointing out the transitions and dream sequence. The bit of dialogue you mention is written as if Mazie has a lisp due to having lost her front teeth. I wondered about it when I wrote it, but decided to deviate would not stay in character. I always appreciate a sharp editorial eye!
Warm regards,
Bev
Comment from Ric Myworld
Nope, we don't have to think with a 13 to 15 year-old mentality to enjoy your story, we just need to be human, to have had similar experiences, and like the message the story is sending. So, I guess I'm still in. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Nope, we don't have to think with a 13 to 15 year-old mentality to enjoy your story, we just need to be human, to have had similar experiences, and like the message the story is sending. So, I guess I'm still in. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 31-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Hi, Ric. Thanks so much for your continued interest in my novel. It's very gratifying to get your insights and receive your generous encouragement.
Happy Easter!
Bev
Comment from JW
This chapter is a good addition to your story, Bev. It definitely provides a good insight into the church aspect of a Christian's's life.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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This chapter is a good addition to your story, Bev. It definitely provides a good insight into the church aspect of a Christian's's life.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 31-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Thanks, JW. I appreciate the encouragement!
Happy Easter,
Bev
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You too. :-)
Unfortunately, I have to work on Easter.
Comment from Mara del Mar
I enjoyed your chapter (The first that I reads). Love the character of Mara. The dialogue is very well done and introduces information about others the characters of the story. Oh, I feel as much that was only a dream! I hope Mara can to sell her photographs! Well done
Mara
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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I enjoyed your chapter (The first that I reads). Love the character of Mara. The dialogue is very well done and introduces information about others the characters of the story. Oh, I feel as much that was only a dream! I hope Mara can to sell her photographs! Well done
Mara
Comment Written 31-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Hi, Mara. Hey, I like that you and my character have the same name! Thanks so much for this most gracious review. I appreciate you taking time to read.
Happy Easter!
Bev
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Ha,ha! Yes! And we have the same passion by the phography! And my language is the Spanish! :)
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That's so cool! XX
Comment from Donovan
The story line moves along and it held my interest. I think writing about teens and what they think about is important. Religion can be very paradoxical to adults, but to teens especially, so it is good to address issues and help then find a way to cope. Glad my children are raised....
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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The story line moves along and it held my interest. I think writing about teens and what they think about is important. Religion can be very paradoxical to adults, but to teens especially, so it is good to address issues and help then find a way to cope. Glad my children are raised....
Comment Written 31-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2015
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Thanks so much, Donovan. I think being raised as a Catholic from infancy has had a mostly positive effect on my life. At times, it was the only place where I could be that was free of misery and cruelty. So, I decided to give back a little bit of that to others by suggesting a church community CAN be a good place to be for young people.
Anyway, thanks for the encouragement and support.
:) Bev
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It is the solution....and most likely the only one..keep up the good work.....(I think my comments did not express wholly my sentiments.
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I found your insights very helpful, D. Thanks again! :)
