Stand Strong
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "You Light Up the Night"Social pressures threaten a childhood friendship
46 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
Another great chapter. I like the flashback section that fills in some of the background story of Mara and her family.
What a charming greeting at church for Mara to have. Maize seems very sweet and just a precious little angel to brighten Mara's day.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2015
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Another great chapter. I like the flashback section that fills in some of the background story of Mara and her family.
What a charming greeting at church for Mara to have. Maize seems very sweet and just a precious little angel to brighten Mara's day.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2015
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2015
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Thanks so much, Debi. XX Bev
Comment from Selina Stambi
There is something amazingly authentic about this novel, Bev. It grips and holds me.
Were you raised in an evangelical environment? You write as if you've been a part of it. I think I recall you mentioning your niece and church. Do you write about her?
Lovely!
SO good to be back at my Fanstory refuge of quietness.
Hope you're well, my dear friend.
Hugs and love,
Sonali xxx
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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There is something amazingly authentic about this novel, Bev. It grips and holds me.
Were you raised in an evangelical environment? You write as if you've been a part of it. I think I recall you mentioning your niece and church. Do you write about her?
Lovely!
SO good to be back at my Fanstory refuge of quietness.
Hope you're well, my dear friend.
Hugs and love,
Sonali xxx
Comment Written 23-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2015
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Hi, Sonali. It's great to have you back, too. I've missed your lovely energy.
Yes, I am basing this on my nieces' experience in their church. I am Catholic, and we are quite a bit
more low-key, if you will, about things. I like the way my family's church empowers them to be
ready to go out into the world and make it better. In that way, I think evangelical churches really walk
the talk.
Thanks for the super review, and your encouragement, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from abbasjoy
Sorry Bev, I missed this chapter, and wanted to keep up with the story.
The entire post is very well written. The "low" Mara has after the previous night's concert is typical of a young teenage girl, especially one having a crush on a boy about whom she is dreaming, when she has been awakened.
What a wonderful reception Mara gets when she walks into the church, and has this little four year old express such love for her. It cheers her up, and makes Mara's day, as she recognizes the great impact she has on this child who looks up to her.
I like the details you give, even about the Board in the church, with a number for each child. The church I used to attend had one of those.
I believe this story impacts me because it is real. Despite the fact that it is written for a teen audience, many parents reading this can relate to the experiences of their own children.
Well done, Bev.
Joan
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2015
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Sorry Bev, I missed this chapter, and wanted to keep up with the story.
The entire post is very well written. The "low" Mara has after the previous night's concert is typical of a young teenage girl, especially one having a crush on a boy about whom she is dreaming, when she has been awakened.
What a wonderful reception Mara gets when she walks into the church, and has this little four year old express such love for her. It cheers her up, and makes Mara's day, as she recognizes the great impact she has on this child who looks up to her.
I like the details you give, even about the Board in the church, with a number for each child. The church I used to attend had one of those.
I believe this story impacts me because it is real. Despite the fact that it is written for a teen audience, many parents reading this can relate to the experiences of their own children.
Well done, Bev.
Joan
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2015
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Hi, Joan.
Thank you so very much for your continued support for this novel. It means so much to me because of your strong Christian beliefs and living your life with integrity as you do. I really appreciate both your generosity and encouragement.
:) Bev
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You are very welcome, Bev. I truly am enjoying this story because, as I mentioned, it is real.
You have a wonderful gift of honing in on the true responses that each character has, almost as though you know them personally.
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Thanks so much for that, Joan. You are so kind!
:) Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
Okay, now I am really wondering what in the world is going on - I was sure I reviewed this, but I do not see the review anywhere. (I just popped over to see if there was a Part 2 posted yet. I'm so far behind, I miss a lot of notices.)
Kris's 'we have to leave now', with 'now' emphasized, was so flawless, her voice echoes in my mind. ("She's Mom" exactly. LOL.) Excellent backstory too - blended well.
Mara's dream reveals a lot about her crush - perfectly described.
I love this girl's kind, decent nature (wonderful character) and the way she is with Mazie - and speaking of wonderful characters, that child is adorable - I'm right there and want to pick her up and give her a big hug!
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2015
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Okay, now I am really wondering what in the world is going on - I was sure I reviewed this, but I do not see the review anywhere. (I just popped over to see if there was a Part 2 posted yet. I'm so far behind, I miss a lot of notices.)
Kris's 'we have to leave now', with 'now' emphasized, was so flawless, her voice echoes in my mind. ("She's Mom" exactly. LOL.) Excellent backstory too - blended well.
Mara's dream reveals a lot about her crush - perfectly described.
I love this girl's kind, decent nature (wonderful character) and the way she is with Mazie - and speaking of wonderful characters, that child is adorable - I'm right there and want to pick her up and give her a big hug!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2015
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Hi, Dawn. Thanks so much for the grand review. I really appreciate all your attention to the little details of the chapter, and your always-kind support, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
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Always a pleasure, Bev. :)
Comment from Scrivener
Excellent story and bang-on for your YA age group. Now I find myself looking forward to your continuation. My congrats!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Excellent story and bang-on for your YA age group. Now I find myself looking forward to your continuation. My congrats!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Thank you, Scrivener. I appreciate the review.
:) Bev
Comment from rama devi
Hi dear friend. I decided to review this, even though I've given the detailed critique and edits privately, because--when editing for those issues, I a focused on how to improve and not on 'applause'. So i want to review from a different angle here.
I will not rate this based on needed edits, as I know you'll be working on those and I may not be here later to come and upgrade the rating. The rating is based on the chapter after it would look from those multiple edits. okay?
It works exceedingly well to open this with the dream. As a reader, I thought the scene was happening as it is, until she woke up. That's a good device, and you executed it well. I was as surprised as Mara was, when she woke up to her mom yelling. The pacing and narrative are great on that section.
Good deep POV and enhancement, too of her inner feelings and sensations, like here:
Mara's stomach quivered with anxiety. The longer he lingered, the more foolish she felt. Why'd I think he'd be interested in my pictures? I'm a total amateur, and he's gonna tell me to get lost.
The transition from dream to reality works almost as startlingly as a good Arril Fool's gotchya! An entertaining ploy, dear. You got me!
Good alliteration of B here. Probably unintentional, but I felt to mention it, as it enhances prose as much as poetry:
Mara's arms shot out from beneath her blankets, pulling her body upright. She zeroed in on the bedside clock and groaned when she realized it was the Sunday after the Skillet concert and she'd overslept.
The paragraph sounds great read aloud. The only issue is all those SHEs.
Here's a suggestion:
She zeroed in on the bedside clock and groaned, realizing it was Sunday and she'd overslept.
Excellent line: Combing her fingers through her hair, she pushed down her disappointment.
The T-shirt scene serves to accentuate the self-conscious, self-image anxiety common to teens. Captures it well!
You do a great job of balancing narrative detail and internal landscapes of the mind and emotions.
Good work. Well paced!
Good shifts in POV with *** to make them clear. Smooth transitions. Well done.
The flashback section (after future edits) serves to deliver some insight into back story without "telling' because it's delivered as a flashback in the mom's mind. Well done (after edits...ha ha ha!)
Cute scene with the girl, Mazie, calling Mara Mawa. Good diction to enhance characterization, and the scene itself enhances the reader's perception of Mara as a compassionate person rich in faith. it also shows her leadership qualities and the fact that she would make a great teacher...and is more mature and less self-absorbed than most her age.
I really like Mara. Somehow, I have a feeling there is some of 'you' in her?
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Hi dear friend. I decided to review this, even though I've given the detailed critique and edits privately, because--when editing for those issues, I a focused on how to improve and not on 'applause'. So i want to review from a different angle here.
I will not rate this based on needed edits, as I know you'll be working on those and I may not be here later to come and upgrade the rating. The rating is based on the chapter after it would look from those multiple edits. okay?
It works exceedingly well to open this with the dream. As a reader, I thought the scene was happening as it is, until she woke up. That's a good device, and you executed it well. I was as surprised as Mara was, when she woke up to her mom yelling. The pacing and narrative are great on that section.
Good deep POV and enhancement, too of her inner feelings and sensations, like here:
Mara's stomach quivered with anxiety. The longer he lingered, the more foolish she felt. Why'd I think he'd be interested in my pictures? I'm a total amateur, and he's gonna tell me to get lost.
The transition from dream to reality works almost as startlingly as a good Arril Fool's gotchya! An entertaining ploy, dear. You got me!
Good alliteration of B here. Probably unintentional, but I felt to mention it, as it enhances prose as much as poetry:
Mara's arms shot out from beneath her blankets, pulling her body upright. She zeroed in on the bedside clock and groaned when she realized it was the Sunday after the Skillet concert and she'd overslept.
The paragraph sounds great read aloud. The only issue is all those SHEs.
Here's a suggestion:
She zeroed in on the bedside clock and groaned, realizing it was Sunday and she'd overslept.
Excellent line: Combing her fingers through her hair, she pushed down her disappointment.
The T-shirt scene serves to accentuate the self-conscious, self-image anxiety common to teens. Captures it well!
You do a great job of balancing narrative detail and internal landscapes of the mind and emotions.
Good work. Well paced!
Good shifts in POV with *** to make them clear. Smooth transitions. Well done.
The flashback section (after future edits) serves to deliver some insight into back story without "telling' because it's delivered as a flashback in the mom's mind. Well done (after edits...ha ha ha!)
Cute scene with the girl, Mazie, calling Mara Mawa. Good diction to enhance characterization, and the scene itself enhances the reader's perception of Mara as a compassionate person rich in faith. it also shows her leadership qualities and the fact that she would make a great teacher...and is more mature and less self-absorbed than most her age.
I really like Mara. Somehow, I have a feeling there is some of 'you' in her?
Love,
rd
Comment Written 02-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Hi, Rama. Thank you so much for this really awesome review! Along with your other suggestions, I feel very encouraged with this novel and, in particular, this chapter. I can't say enough about your insights--your help takes the writing to another level for me and, hopefully, the reader. I love that you reviewed this because all the things you point out can help anyone reading your suggestions. That's a win-win situation in my book.
Love,
Bev
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Aw, thanks, dear friend. I am so happy with your gracious and thoughtful response. So glad you feel encouraged...and I hope you will be bolstered with the fact that your novel reaches an 'influence-able' audience...so weaving in those themes of compassion, empathy, authenticity and sincerity serves the world of the future, when those readers grow up with those qualities upheld. Love, rd
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Oh, Rama, your words lift my spirit. Thank you for expressing so well what I've had in my heart with this novel. What a lovely affirmation for me today. You're awesome!
Love,
Bev
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Wheee! You're awesome too, love.
HUGS! rd
Comment from dlw1925
A very nice story in deed. Mara was very easy to connect with. The story held my interest all the way thru. However I'm not sure why you felt the need to repeat her mother's full name each time. Once I knew what it was it maybe go back to see if maybe I misunderstood something. The story flows well and I think if the rest goes as well as this it will be a very special and something to be proud of.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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A very nice story in deed. Mara was very easy to connect with. The story held my interest all the way thru. However I'm not sure why you felt the need to repeat her mother's full name each time. Once I knew what it was it maybe go back to see if maybe I misunderstood something. The story flows well and I think if the rest goes as well as this it will be a very special and something to be proud of.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Hi, dlw. Thank you for your superb review! I agree about the name thing... I've been called out on that tendency before LoL. I appreciate you taking time out to read and for your encouragement. Happy Easter! Bev
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Bev.
Your chapter is well-written and had me believing Mara was in the same room with Gabe at the beginning. You painted a perfect picture, and then surprised the reader with her awakening from the dream. This is great! Your characters and dialogue are strong throughout. You showed so well a family, the unity, values and sharing together. I really like Mara's warmth you showed with Mazie, a great addition to the story. Great write, my friend!!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Hi, Bev.
Your chapter is well-written and had me believing Mara was in the same room with Gabe at the beginning. You painted a perfect picture, and then surprised the reader with her awakening from the dream. This is great! Your characters and dialogue are strong throughout. You showed so well a family, the unity, values and sharing together. I really like Mara's warmth you showed with Mazie, a great addition to the story. Great write, my friend!!
Bye
Hugs
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 02-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Hi, Rosalyne
Thanks so much, my friend, for yet another lovely review. You are always so kind and generous, and I feel fortunate to be able to receive your much-appreciated insights as you do know this genre better than most. Hugs, Bev
Comment from mfowler
I've entered your story as a novice, but your background notes and narrative quickly fill in the gaps. I'm assuming that you are aiming this book at 13-15 year olds with a Christian background, as this theme is highly specific to the religious scene.
As a Christian, I hope you understand that as a qualifier, not a criticism.
What I enjoyed about the story was the reality of Mara's infatuation with Gabe, and the possible complications that will ensue.
The background to the family's connection with the church and its programs is very clear and well described. I loved the scene with the little girl at the end.
This is well written and entertaining.
One spag:
she hadn't bother to check it over...bothered
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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I've entered your story as a novice, but your background notes and narrative quickly fill in the gaps. I'm assuming that you are aiming this book at 13-15 year olds with a Christian background, as this theme is highly specific to the religious scene.
As a Christian, I hope you understand that as a qualifier, not a criticism.
What I enjoyed about the story was the reality of Mara's infatuation with Gabe, and the possible complications that will ensue.
The background to the family's connection with the church and its programs is very clear and well described. I loved the scene with the little girl at the end.
This is well written and entertaining.
One spag:
she hadn't bother to check it over...bothered
Comment Written 02-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Hi, M. Thank you so much for this comprehensive review. You make some excellent points to which I'll just add that, yes, this is more of an evangelical type Christian church--mostly because I think they are doing some of the best work with young people today. My own background is Catholic and we are much more low-key LoL.
Anyway, thanks so much for stopping by to read my chapter and for the generous review!
:) Bev
Comment from kriver
Hi
I think your story line is great for teens.
The story is something
they can readily ID with.
Your story, the conversations, the scenes, and the characters are all very realistic.
They seem very natural and well presented.
I especially liked the reference to JESUS in a very good and positive way. Mazie is right. JESUS sure does know everything. Mara is also right. HE is the best friend anyone can have. The only part I thought was a bit confusing is the use of two different pastors. It seems award and out of step with the rest of the story. It seem to me it would flow better if it was just the guy. His character is more developed. This is an outstanding write.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Hi
I think your story line is great for teens.
The story is something
they can readily ID with.
Your story, the conversations, the scenes, and the characters are all very realistic.
They seem very natural and well presented.
I especially liked the reference to JESUS in a very good and positive way. Mazie is right. JESUS sure does know everything. Mara is also right. HE is the best friend anyone can have. The only part I thought was a bit confusing is the use of two different pastors. It seems award and out of step with the rest of the story. It seem to me it would flow better if it was just the guy. His character is more developed. This is an outstanding write.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015
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Hi, Kriver. Thank you so much for your very generous review and good insights. It's always helpful to see the story from the different, detached viewpoints. I miss things because I'm too emotionally invested sometimes.
I do understand what you are saying about the two pastors. But, the non-demonational churches have many pastors and for me to be in alignment I need that to be reflected in the story line. In fact, there will be another pastor introduced in the next chapter who is the youth pastor! Anyway, you make a very good point and I think the confusion is made more so by the inclusion of the two names in close proximity.
Again, thank so much for the grand review. I much appreciate you taking time to read my chapter.
:) Bev
