Comment from Patrick G Cox

Excellent

Hi the author,

Hmm, that was quite a dream, or perhaps a nightmare. Good rhythm to the poem, a dark subject I think, and a perhaps troubling source of inspiration.

Patrick

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Thanks a bunch, Patrick. It was the most terrifying nightmare I think I've ever had, my friend, and I've had quite a few of them. It was that feeling of knowing I was dead, and hearing people mourning (not to mention having to witness my own father as he did the "work" on my body), and I was powerless to do anything about it. I was up for two days straight after that night, too afraid to go back to sleep! Everyone in the dream spoke like William Shakespeare, hence the way in which it is written.

Thanks again for your kind review. I really appreciate it. :}

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Worthy of 6, but I have only a 5. This is beautiful in presentation, although a bit creepy at the same time. The old world English use of words is very fitting. The color presentation is perfect. I even like the border. Good job. Good use of many examples of pertinent alliteration. No change can I even suggest. Good job and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Thank you very much, jannypan, a five is great by me!

This was the most terrifying nightmare I think I've ever had, and I've had quite a few of them. It was that feeling of knowing that I was dead, and hearing people mourning (not to mention having to witness my own father as he did the "work" on my body), and I was powerless to do anything about it. I was up for two days straight after that night, too afraid to go back to sleep! Everyone in the dream spoke like William Shakespeare, hence the way in which it is written.

Thanks again for your kind review. I appreciate it. :}

Comment from mommerry

Excellent

Your story/poem sent shudders through me. You actually "lived" your worst nightmare as you remember that horrible dream. This was well told and evicted emotions in this reader. Good job.

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

It was truly the worst nightmare I've ever had, mommerry, at least that I can remember.

Thanks you very much for your encouraging feedback. :} ~Dean

Comment from Charlene0513

Excellent

'I have lived and lost, tho' I have done my best' -speaks volumes as you lie at the mercy of your dad and to justify this strange sordid event with daunting expressions.
Elderly embalmer; flowery fun'rnal: sorrowed spirits- etc.- alliteration
Charlene0513

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

It was horrible, Charlene. The worst nightmare I've had in my life.

Thanks very much for reading and reviewing the poem for me. ~Dean

Comment from jpduck

Exceptional

Stunningly good and deeply moving. What a dream to have had! That, in itself, is quite extraordinary. Your choice of white text on black background was perfect, and where did you find and how did you download that frame? Needless to say, this will get my vote.

Adrian

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Thank you very much for your complimentary review, JP. And while I also very much appreciate your generous six star rating, I appreciate even more what you said, my friend. These sorts of presentations are extremely difficult to do to get them to look and/or read properly. That being said, I would be more than willing to teach you how to do them yourself, after the contest is over of course, and I can reveal my identity. Once you have the process down and learn the little pitfalls and in's and out's, it's really not so bad. They do take a great deal of computer knowledge as well. If you have a windows paint program on your computer, I can point you in the right direction. Just shoot me a message in my inbox after the contest is finished, and we'll get underway.

Thanks again, JP, and have a wonderful weekend. :}

reply by jpduck on 28-Mar-2015

Thank you for this response. Many thanks for your offer. I will send a message to your inbox after the contest is over. Of course, I haven't the faintest idea who you are!

Adrian

reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Good to hear, Adrian, and I'll be more than happy to teach you. Perhaps we can become mutual fans of one another's work, if we haven't done so already. I've perused your profile and I wager I could learn much from you as well. You seem to be a very accomplished author.

I'll be looking forward to hearing from you.

Comment from Tatarka2

Excellent

Good grief, this truly is a nightmare - and such a strong entry into this contest. The use of the Old English made it even more effective, I think. I'm sorry you had such a terrible dream, but I commend you on turning it into such a horrifying, yet haunting, work of art.

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Thank you, Tatarka. It was actually very hard to even write this as I had to dredge up all of the terror I felt yet again. Hopefully that has translated to you -- the readers.

I very much appreciate your thoughtful comments. :}~Dean

Comment from thee-name

Excellent

Excellent poem. Your enjoyable writing rhymed good.

Elderly embalmer, my mortal frame-
doth thou feel any empathy for me?

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015

Thank you, thee-name. I really appreciate your review very much. :)

reply by thee-name on 29-Mar-2015

thank you! :>}

reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

You are more than welcome, thee-name. :)

Comment from Kingsrookviii

Exceptional

Jesus, this is like a Steven King poem. The notes are as creepy as the poem, but that's cool. You've done a great job at freaking me out at the thought of this. Using the archaic is very difficult and I think you did pretty good, although I am not an expert in-spite of using this a few times myself. This was a very ambitious effort. The presentation id first rate, but in all honesty I think a few subtle change could take this from very, very good into an entirely new realm, a true classic fir for the ages. Sorry that I cannot expound upon it. I can't quite put my finger on it, nor would I dare attempt to rewrite this or necessarily suggest change. That's for you. This is very good stuff.

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Thank you very much, John. It was truly the worst nightmare I've ever had to endure. It was difficult to write this poem because I had to dredge up those feelings of dread and utter horror all over again.

Thanks for the six stars, and your thoughtful comments. I really appreciate them, as always, my friend. :} ~Dean

Comment from robina1978

Excellent

Your foot note told me a lot more about embalming. The picture is lovely and complements your poem very well. It rhymes all the way, describes dying and considering how a father must feel if he has to embalm his son. I already voted for you.

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015

Thank you very much for your kind review and your support, Ine. I appreciate that, as always. :) ~Dean

Comment from davisr (Rhonda)

Exceptional

I love the setting of the poem, and I must say this had to have been one of your worst nightmares, though, I'm quite certain you have a list of them.
I enjoyed the language of the poem as well as the setting. It added to the story, itself. It must have been moving to you once you woke up.
Quite a twist at the end, I never saw that one coming.
Well done, my friend, well done!
Rhonda

 Comment Written 28-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015

Thanks, Rhonda, and I apologize for my lengthy relay in responding to your outstanding review, my friend. Don't think for one second that I don't appreciate it.

I'm happy you let me know the twist at the end worked for you, and that's precisely how the dream played out. It woke me up out of a dead sleep (no pun intended), and I immediately wrote everything down that I could remember about the awful experience. It was the most horrifying dream I believe I've evr had.

Thanks again for everything, Rhonda. I'm very happy you enjoyed it.

~Dean :}