Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "One Perfect Day"A collection of poems on these themes
31 total reviews
Comment from misscookie
I love the artwork that you choose to go with your poem
I thought it was a perfect match.
Oh how I can relate to your poem, when love was in the air as the song goes. "Yesterday is gone!".
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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I love the artwork that you choose to go with your poem
I thought it was a perfect match.
Oh how I can relate to your poem, when love was in the air as the song goes. "Yesterday is gone!".
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Miss Coolie - good to hear from you. Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
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You're very welcome.
Take care.
Cookie
Comment from Dawny53
I really, really love this poem.. I admire the wonderful rhyme schemes used.. all of the emotion you put into your words.. stanza four is my favorite.. good luck wishes to you for this contest..
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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I really, really love this poem.. I admire the wonderful rhyme schemes used.. all of the emotion you put into your words.. stanza four is my favorite.. good luck wishes to you for this contest..
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Dawn.
Steve
Comment from Dom G Robles
Beautiful expressions, I loved them. The figures of speech are great! The picture accompanying the poem supplements and complements the theme. Although there seems to be not much of the rhyme, the rhythm is admirable. I love reading the poem from beginning to end. The last part, the address: "Oh, memory, I beg you grant me this - one perfect day to keep forever new."
Very impressive, appealing and admirable. My sincere congratulations. Dom.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Beautiful expressions, I loved them. The figures of speech are great! The picture accompanying the poem supplements and complements the theme. Although there seems to be not much of the rhyme, the rhythm is admirable. I love reading the poem from beginning to end. The last part, the address: "Oh, memory, I beg you grant me this - one perfect day to keep forever new."
Very impressive, appealing and admirable. My sincere congratulations. Dom.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Dom, thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Lena Borghi
Steve,
This is beautiful!The imagery is vivid and soothing and wraps you into the story. You have adhered perfectly to the iambic pentameter and have kept away from even proximate rhymes.
I really love the theme that surfaces in the last verse. We should all have "one perfect day to keep forever new."
Thank you for sharing this beauty and good luck in the contest.
Lena
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Steve,
This is beautiful!The imagery is vivid and soothing and wraps you into the story. You have adhered perfectly to the iambic pentameter and have kept away from even proximate rhymes.
I really love the theme that surfaces in the last verse. We should all have "one perfect day to keep forever new."
Thank you for sharing this beauty and good luck in the contest.
Lena
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Lena, thanks so much for the warm words and the six stars - much appreciated.
Alas the eagle-eyed organiser has spotted some unwanted rhymes and I need to make a few changes before this goes for judging...
Steve
Comment from Donovan
A nice job. You have some excellent enjambment and you word choice paints a clear picture.
I like the plea at the end, it is a nice encapsulation
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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A nice job. You have some excellent enjambment and you word choice paints a clear picture.
I like the plea at the end, it is a nice encapsulation
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from LIJ Red
For bringing back memories of the wine vineyards and olive groves in Puglia Province, surrounding the Campo Nato, the hard rolls and good cheese from the mercato, in blank verse, excellent.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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For bringing back memories of the wine vineyards and olive groves in Puglia Province, surrounding the Campo Nato, the hard rolls and good cheese from the mercato, in blank verse, excellent.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you - should I confess I've never been?
Steve
Comment from dragonpoet
What a romantic poem. It tells of easy love and about the past and the present.
He seems to be reminiscing in old age and wanting one of those perfect days to live again.
The picture depicts the knarled olive trees that shaded you.
I like the reference to all the previous couples the used that place as a hideaway.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
Joan
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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What a romantic poem. It tells of easy love and about the past and the present.
He seems to be reminiscing in old age and wanting one of those perfect days to live again.
The picture depicts the knarled olive trees that shaded you.
I like the reference to all the previous couples the used that place as a hideaway.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing.
Joan
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Joan, thanks so much for the great review.
Steve
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You are so very welcome, Steve.
Joan
Comment from sgalletti
Hi Steve! What a beautiful example of Blank Verse quatrains. I was fortunate to take a class on Blank Verse with Ray and am still learning so much about the form. I tend to rhyme naturally, so I was "rhyme challenged" in that as much as I tried to avoid rhymes, they popped up everywhere. Ray was a task master insisting we be very strict in not using any type of rhyme, including words with the same vowel sound. I have since learned that more advanced Blank Verse poets, as you are, can get away with some of these if they are not overly pronounced. Your iambic meter is perfect. And, your imagery is divine. I have been to Italy twice (the Tuscany area) and absolutely love it. You brought back wonderful memories. P.S. Ray is also an Italy lover. And, I love the approach of talking to one's lover - it almost has a tanka-like feel. Good incorporation of questioning and enjambment. Extremely well done. Should be a strong contender in the contest. Best of luck. Sue
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Hi Steve! What a beautiful example of Blank Verse quatrains. I was fortunate to take a class on Blank Verse with Ray and am still learning so much about the form. I tend to rhyme naturally, so I was "rhyme challenged" in that as much as I tried to avoid rhymes, they popped up everywhere. Ray was a task master insisting we be very strict in not using any type of rhyme, including words with the same vowel sound. I have since learned that more advanced Blank Verse poets, as you are, can get away with some of these if they are not overly pronounced. Your iambic meter is perfect. And, your imagery is divine. I have been to Italy twice (the Tuscany area) and absolutely love it. You brought back wonderful memories. P.S. Ray is also an Italy lover. And, I love the approach of talking to one's lover - it almost has a tanka-like feel. Good incorporation of questioning and enjambment. Extremely well done. Should be a strong contender in the contest. Best of luck. Sue
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Sue, thanks for the great review. I have crossed swords with Ray over what he perceives as rhymes in this. I strongly believe his rule about no rhymes anywhere in a piece is absolute nonsense. If words are separated by a dozen lines of verse, they can't possibly count as rhymes. I confess I am the recalcitrant who has sent him examples from Shakespeare to back up my case
The quality of mercy is not strained
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest...
However, he is the boss for this contest and I shall have to make changes, albeit reluctantly. They will weaken my poem and I intend to change them back after the voting!
I did enjoy your powerful political piece and I will be reviewing it soon.
Glad this brought back memories for you (and others) - the irony is that I have never been to Italy - all a product of the imagination...
Steve
Comment from Ekim777
The poem opens on a turbulent world where everything writhes in its place. But in time, everything settles as the couple takes the path less traveled by. Suddenly the whole world becomes a place for lovers. Now "where have they gone, those careless, summer days..." Our poet becomes quite philosophical in the end. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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The poem opens on a turbulent world where everything writhes in its place. But in time, everything settles as the couple takes the path less traveled by. Suddenly the whole world becomes a place for lovers. Now "where have they gone, those careless, summer days..." Our poet becomes quite philosophical in the end. -Ekim777
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thanks, Mike.
Steve
Comment from michaelcahill
It is true, it doesn't require rhyme at all when it flows perfectly like this. I read this more than once and it is so rich with imagery. I wrote one of these so I'm doubly impressed with this. No easy task to eliminate rhyme EVERYWHERE!! I'm in the "seeing rhyme everywhere mode" so I thought I'd point out a couple possible obscure ones that might be a problem. (Probably not.)
of bread and cheese washed down with rough red wine.
"bread" and "red"
Where have they gone, those care-less summer days
"where" and "care"
one perfect day to keep forever new.
"PERfect" and "foreVER"
this one is just to illustrate how off the deep end I've gone! :)
Not sure how strict Ray is going to be. I'm guessing, "very". Good luck. This is going to be very strong. mikey
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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It is true, it doesn't require rhyme at all when it flows perfectly like this. I read this more than once and it is so rich with imagery. I wrote one of these so I'm doubly impressed with this. No easy task to eliminate rhyme EVERYWHERE!! I'm in the "seeing rhyme everywhere mode" so I thought I'd point out a couple possible obscure ones that might be a problem. (Probably not.)
of bread and cheese washed down with rough red wine.
"bread" and "red"
Where have they gone, those care-less summer days
"where" and "care"
one perfect day to keep forever new.
"PERfect" and "foreVER"
this one is just to illustrate how off the deep end I've gone! :)
Not sure how strict Ray is going to be. I'm guessing, "very". Good luck. This is going to be very strong. mikey
Comment Written 25-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015
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Mikey, thanks for the kind words and the rhyme alert! I am pleased to say Ray missed bread/red - Ha! he did find seven others! Ridiculous to find rhymes that are 12 lines apart - I have sent him this lovely piece of Shakespeare which is just full of faults:
The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blessed:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest. It becomes
The thronéd monarch better than his crown.
I believe I will risk disqualification rather than mangle my poem to suit pedantic rules.
Have a nice day.
Steve
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Oh, that Shakespeare guy. I had to mute him. He just won't follow the rules!!!
