Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "A Raptor's Child"A collection of sonnets
37 total reviews
Comment from ragamuffin
Truly love the sense of flight and of freedom you've so wonderfully created with this free verse piece. I find the ending kind of sad though, "In dreams, I sail beyond..." Makes one wonder how we "sail beyond" in our waking hours.
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Truly love the sense of flight and of freedom you've so wonderfully created with this free verse piece. I find the ending kind of sad though, "In dreams, I sail beyond..." Makes one wonder how we "sail beyond" in our waking hours.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2015
Comment from Gloria ....
Yowza, this is totally excellent, Mikey. When I saw the raptor I nearly fainted.
I see you picked the most difficult form of all -- the sonnet -- to present in blank verse. What were you thinking? I'm pretty sure I've accidentally called it free verse somewhere else and am gonna get my ass fried. Ha, wouldn't be the second time.
Anyway no comments on the sonnet form you've written because that is awesome.
I love the imagery, being considered as food from something overhead always brings a sense of security and comfort. Ha.
I close my eyes and stretch to meet the wind. Oh man, does that FEEL good. That's what I genuinely love about your poetry, Mikey is you communicate such deep emotion.
I think you've done a terrific job with your blank verse. And, soooooooo many thanks to you for all your help with mine. You caught some good'uns so I was chuffed.
You are BEST.
Super write.
Gloria
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Yowza, this is totally excellent, Mikey. When I saw the raptor I nearly fainted.
I see you picked the most difficult form of all -- the sonnet -- to present in blank verse. What were you thinking? I'm pretty sure I've accidentally called it free verse somewhere else and am gonna get my ass fried. Ha, wouldn't be the second time.
Anyway no comments on the sonnet form you've written because that is awesome.
I love the imagery, being considered as food from something overhead always brings a sense of security and comfort. Ha.
I close my eyes and stretch to meet the wind. Oh man, does that FEEL good. That's what I genuinely love about your poetry, Mikey is you communicate such deep emotion.
I think you've done a terrific job with your blank verse. And, soooooooo many thanks to you for all your help with mine. You caught some good'uns so I was chuffed.
You are BEST.
Super write.
Gloria
Comment Written 28-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
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Hi. Thank you so much. I was FORCED to actually work on it and edit and all of those things that are foreign to me. NOW, it's been proven to me that those are things I SHOULD be doing. Oh well. I'm so pleased you liked this, you're one of my favorites and I believe you know what you're talking about. :)) I was surprised to do so well. I held on to the end and then some dude who wrote something insanely brilliant beat me out. Well, off to some inane 5-7-5 contest. I must unwind after this serious artist crap. mikey
Comment from Dean Kuch
I'll admit, Mikey, I'm not a big fan of free verse or sonnets. Still, the voting requirement stipulate that all works must be read in order to vote, so here I am.
You've seemed to employ good iambic meter, as best as I can tell, which helps propel this poem along quite nicely.
You begin in stanza one with you and and eagle checking each other out, sizing each another up a bit, then expound upon the beauty of such a bird of prey, power and majesty in your second stanza.
Your "turn", or volta as I think it's referred to, in line nine allows the reader to consider what you seem to be experiencing; your kinship with the more elegant and powerful bird.
You utilize a very strong closing in your final two lines which help to make the imagery more concrete, ie; the image of the child of the raptor, experiencing the joys of flying to the stars, and perhaps beyond, although the raptor possess just basic abilities -- unable to dream.
Really great work for BV, at least as far as I can tell. You should do very well with it in the contest, if not win it outright.
Good luck! ~Dean :}
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I'll admit, Mikey, I'm not a big fan of free verse or sonnets. Still, the voting requirement stipulate that all works must be read in order to vote, so here I am.
You've seemed to employ good iambic meter, as best as I can tell, which helps propel this poem along quite nicely.
You begin in stanza one with you and and eagle checking each other out, sizing each another up a bit, then expound upon the beauty of such a bird of prey, power and majesty in your second stanza.
Your "turn", or volta as I think it's referred to, in line nine allows the reader to consider what you seem to be experiencing; your kinship with the more elegant and powerful bird.
You utilize a very strong closing in your final two lines which help to make the imagery more concrete, ie; the image of the child of the raptor, experiencing the joys of flying to the stars, and perhaps beyond, although the raptor possess just basic abilities -- unable to dream.
Really great work for BV, at least as far as I can tell. You should do very well with it in the contest, if not win it outright.
Good luck! ~Dean :}
Comment Written 28-Mar-2015
Comment from IndianaIrish
Great imagery in your BV poem, Mikey. I think it's very appropriate you write about an eagle after using your eagle eyes to help out so many writers in this contest. I enjoyed how smoothly your poem reads and the enjabment connects the lines so well. Best wishes in the contest, Mikey, and hope it does well.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
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Great imagery in your BV poem, Mikey. I think it's very appropriate you write about an eagle after using your eagle eyes to help out so many writers in this contest. I enjoyed how smoothly your poem reads and the enjabment connects the lines so well. Best wishes in the contest, Mikey, and hope it does well.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 28-Mar-2015
Comment from kiwisteveh
Nope - no way eagle rhymes with dream!
Your blank verse seems all correct and the iambics flow nicely.
A couple of small things might put me off. I stanza 1 your hope has already taken flight, but you compare yourself to field mice in line 4 - it seems out of sequence.
At the end 'their' presumably refers to eagles, yet you've just mentioned AN eagle - perhaps this line should read
His flight's imprisoned in the world he's known.
Good flight of fancy - to the stars and beyond.
Good luck.
Steve
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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Nope - no way eagle rhymes with dream!
Your blank verse seems all correct and the iambics flow nicely.
A couple of small things might put me off. I stanza 1 your hope has already taken flight, but you compare yourself to field mice in line 4 - it seems out of sequence.
At the end 'their' presumably refers to eagles, yet you've just mentioned AN eagle - perhaps this line should read
His flight's imprisoned in the world he's known.
Good flight of fancy - to the stars and beyond.
Good luck.
Steve
Comment Written 28-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2015
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I see the confusion with the field mice. The eagle sees us that way. I'll look at it. I think you're correct on the other point. I'll look at that right away. Good tip, thank you. We're done with this right? Ha! mikey
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Could just swap lines 3 and 4??
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Yes! Thank you, that's perfect. There's a good point for blank verse.
Comment from Pantygynt
I loved the way this poem developed, from being an observer looking up through the romance of flight and on to the splendid couplet "An eagle sends no wish on comet's tail-- there's nothing thought beyond raw hunger's pull." Finally back to the freedom of dreams. The only place where the rhythm seems to stagger for me was in S1, L3 'daydreams' does not seem to me to have a natural stress bias and an imposed one doesn't feel quite right - or is it just me?
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I loved the way this poem developed, from being an observer looking up through the romance of flight and on to the splendid couplet "An eagle sends no wish on comet's tail-- there's nothing thought beyond raw hunger's pull." Finally back to the freedom of dreams. The only place where the rhythm seems to stagger for me was in S1, L3 'daydreams' does not seem to me to have a natural stress bias and an imposed one doesn't feel quite right - or is it just me?
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I have just been disqualified from a contest that was for Free Verse and mine was a rhymed one. I am happy with it, it was my own fault for not reading the rules properly. Now, I have been telling everyone I cannot for the life of my write and unrhymed poem, I've tried and failed. This Free Verse poem of yours, is absolutely beautiful, Mikey. There is a lovely rhythm to it, even though it doesn't rhyme. I personally think you have mastered the Free Verse, and I am encouraged to try again. (one day!) Good luck in the contest! xsx Sandra.
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I have just been disqualified from a contest that was for Free Verse and mine was a rhymed one. I am happy with it, it was my own fault for not reading the rules properly. Now, I have been telling everyone I cannot for the life of my write and unrhymed poem, I've tried and failed. This Free Verse poem of yours, is absolutely beautiful, Mikey. There is a lovely rhythm to it, even though it doesn't rhyme. I personally think you have mastered the Free Verse, and I am encouraged to try again. (one day!) Good luck in the contest! xsx Sandra.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
Comment from l.raven
WOW!!! Michael, I really love this poem...I don't think there is a form you can't do...and I love the wording...makes you feel you could fly like an Eagle...I love your poem...and the picture...very very well done you...Luff Linda xxoo
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WOW!!! Michael, I really love this poem...I don't think there is a form you can't do...and I love the wording...makes you feel you could fly like an Eagle...I love your poem...and the picture...very very well done you...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
Comment from madhatter1977
Hi, Mikey, I really like your blank verse about being an eagle's child. The rhyme in your author notes I'm not sure about! It's a great poem about wonderful birds in nature and seems to have some personification as well. I'm not sure of the rules of blank verse, but the poem seems great to me. Good luck in the contest, Pete :)
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Hi, Mikey, I really like your blank verse about being an eagle's child. The rhyme in your author notes I'm not sure about! It's a great poem about wonderful birds in nature and seems to have some personification as well. I'm not sure of the rules of blank verse, but the poem seems great to me. Good luck in the contest, Pete :)
Comment Written 27-Mar-2015
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I wish I could do blank verse with the ease that yo do.
"Touching the rain before it even falls"
Very nicely done and I love the words yo used to spread this to the sky and let me feel I am with the eagle and beyond
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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I wish I could do blank verse with the ease that yo do.
"Touching the rain before it even falls"
Very nicely done and I love the words yo used to spread this to the sky and let me feel I am with the eagle and beyond
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2015
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This time it wasn't with ease! This has to be the hardest form I've ever done. Plus, the contest is soooooo strict. NO RHYMES, end, internal... anywhere. I couldn't believe how hard that was to do. Well, it made me edit and edit and edit. So, it turned out pretty good. :)) So pleased you liked it. They've been working me to death, but I'll be by to review soon. I haven't forgotten about you. Just buried. mikey
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Didn't read rules, just knew I couldn't. It was great
