Beautiful Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 10000 "Lamar and Lavern"from birth I have longed for death
7 total reviews
Comment from Charlene0513
I'm so glad you can retrieve a lot of your past memories or at least reminiscence over good or bad times.
Consider it a blessing as I suffered with epilepsy all my life and can only remember only partial and then not very good, now either.
Charlene
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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I'm so glad you can retrieve a lot of your past memories or at least reminiscence over good or bad times.
Consider it a blessing as I suffered with epilepsy all my life and can only remember only partial and then not very good, now either.
Charlene
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you. I do not have a lot of experience in this, so if I am wrong sorry!
I have family whom have shown this disease.
They are above average in IQ.
In your experience has the treatment improved?
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Not sure what you are referring to.
My epilepsy I've had seen birth and not until 2004 (at age 51)did I have the main surgery that removed my left temporal lobe called a "Lubotomy." And yes, with the control of medication my seizures have ceased unless I forget to take my meds.
And it is life altering for without it for so many years does affect your memory, cognitive skills and in many people their
psychological patterns are dramatically affected as well as many other things can deeply change one's way of life
Comment from Wabigoon
cbat--
Yes, now now I understand why you did not like or get my story though I must say, we share certain things. This could be a very touching memoir, but it is marred by "spags." I do not mark off for spags.
Here's one: "Invaluable at this establishment because they clean, carry and assist the caregivers."
I don't think this is a sentence. It does not have a subject. You infer a subject in the sentence above it but need to say "They are invaluable" or something to that effect.
I like what you say here but you could say it more smoothly:
"I am just coming to work at a Rest home for the unwanted children born physically or mentally unfit most have been trapped here for years.
This is the "Miracle Manor". There are no miracles here.
It is the sixty's.
Looking back the ways and treatments seem barbaric."
I think you need some sort of punctuation between "unfit" and "most." Period, semicolon? I think it would be sixties. or Sixties, not sixty's. I also think the last sentence is a bit hard to read. Need maybe "Looking back -- the ways and treatments seem barbaric." Maybe.
Nice job. Keep it up.
Wabigoon
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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cbat--
Yes, now now I understand why you did not like or get my story though I must say, we share certain things. This could be a very touching memoir, but it is marred by "spags." I do not mark off for spags.
Here's one: "Invaluable at this establishment because they clean, carry and assist the caregivers."
I don't think this is a sentence. It does not have a subject. You infer a subject in the sentence above it but need to say "They are invaluable" or something to that effect.
I like what you say here but you could say it more smoothly:
"I am just coming to work at a Rest home for the unwanted children born physically or mentally unfit most have been trapped here for years.
This is the "Miracle Manor". There are no miracles here.
It is the sixty's.
Looking back the ways and treatments seem barbaric."
I think you need some sort of punctuation between "unfit" and "most." Period, semicolon? I think it would be sixties. or Sixties, not sixty's. I also think the last sentence is a bit hard to read. Need maybe "Looking back -- the ways and treatments seem barbaric." Maybe.
Nice job. Keep it up.
Wabigoon
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you!
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
It's a well written story. I think you could go into more detail to show how barbaric it is. But overall you do a good job of grabbing the readers interest. Definitely could use more detail though.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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It's a well written story. I think you could go into more detail to show how barbaric it is. But overall you do a good job of grabbing the readers interest. Definitely could use more detail though.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you.
Comment from Cat of Letters
Hi again,
It is really interesting that you are sharing these memories about this ghastly institution you were a nurse in and these poor, forgotten people. It's got a bit of a tone like Solzenitzin (sorry can't spell that without looking it up) and his book about being in a Russian prison camp. Stalin had him locked up for a good long time. ('A Day in the Life of Ivan Illychovitch' - the book is called again name approximate.) It's astonishing how people will treat each other.
I think it is important that people record such things.
sixties (by the way) and forward (no hyphen no e).
'Cat of Letters' as Zahir, one of my cats, is in the process of pawing his memoirs and posting them on here. Lol!
Best wishes, Alison
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Hi again,
It is really interesting that you are sharing these memories about this ghastly institution you were a nurse in and these poor, forgotten people. It's got a bit of a tone like Solzenitzin (sorry can't spell that without looking it up) and his book about being in a Russian prison camp. Stalin had him locked up for a good long time. ('A Day in the Life of Ivan Illychovitch' - the book is called again name approximate.) It's astonishing how people will treat each other.
I think it is important that people record such things.
sixties (by the way) and forward (no hyphen no e).
'Cat of Letters' as Zahir, one of my cats, is in the process of pawing his memoirs and posting them on here. Lol!
Best wishes, Alison
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Thank you!
I an surprised as I go back to this time, the people I remember.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate. Those facilities were indeed babaric in the 1960's. People were often used as "lab rats" in trials that went so horribly wrong many times. Great work on this one, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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G'day mate. Those facilities were indeed babaric in the 1960's. People were often used as "lab rats" in trials that went so horribly wrong many times. Great work on this one, cheers Fez
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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You are always so helpful.
Thank you!
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I love the way you introduced your story. It was very intriguing. We assume you are talking about twins, and as the story progresses, we begin to see that something is not completely okay about them. At the end, you give the biggest window into their world.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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I love the way you introduced your story. It was very intriguing. We assume you are talking about twins, and as the story progresses, we begin to see that something is not completely okay about them. At the end, you give the biggest window into their world.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Thank you!
It's funny, sometimes I am the last to think.
Why did I not see twins?
I am not sure everything is okay with me.
Do you think I should take the word Retarded out?
I worry about this and have received comments on it.
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting. I would caution with the use of 'retarded' even if it was acceptable in the sixties.
note
I stop to watch; {they} are both intimidating, sad and amusing.
- lower case if you're connecting into one sentence.
Both have dark hair[;] Lavern's is a little shorter.
-add
They are about 40(?).
- delete
Lamar is helping Lavern search for {cigarettes} stashed in her bosom.
- remove apostrophe
As long as they are together and their currency is {cigarettes} they get the most out of each day.
- here also
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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Very interesting. I would caution with the use of 'retarded' even if it was acceptable in the sixties.
note
I stop to watch; {they} are both intimidating, sad and amusing.
- lower case if you're connecting into one sentence.
Both have dark hair[;] Lavern's is a little shorter.
-add
They are about 40(?).
- delete
Lamar is helping Lavern search for {cigarettes} stashed in her bosom.
- remove apostrophe
As long as they are together and their currency is {cigarettes} they get the most out of each day.
- here also
Comment Written 23-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2015
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You are appreciated.
I hesitated when writing, at using the word "retarded".
How would you word this? I have some special needs people in my family and I am always worried about using wrong term.
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You can use it, as it goes with period of the work. I would just add a language warning to be safe.
