Beautiful Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 10000 "Chamber pots And P J's"from birth I have longed for death
14 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent story, I can't imagine how hard it must be to live in a cult society, I am so happy you left it and you are now able to express yourself freely.
-action flows smoothly
-descriptive language used
-excellent format
-excellent character development
-held my interest all the way to the end
Write on!
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Excellent story, I can't imagine how hard it must be to live in a cult society, I am so happy you left it and you are now able to express yourself freely.
-action flows smoothly
-descriptive language used
-excellent format
-excellent character development
-held my interest all the way to the end
Write on!
Comment Written 12-May-2015
reply by the author on 12-May-2015
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Thank you, I got my pencil ready to write my SPAG's and there weren't any.
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there were a couple of possesive apostrophies missing but I forgot to add them in the notes, I will go back and let you know. I didn't think they were a big deal.
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I went back to check and I didn't find anything to correct. Good job!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Action flows smoothly. Story line easy to follow. Yes, the world does change in 50 years. Descriptively well written and held reader's interest throughout. Write on.
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Action flows smoothly. Story line easy to follow. Yes, the world does change in 50 years. Descriptively well written and held reader's interest throughout. Write on.
Comment Written 10-May-2015
reply by the author on 10-May-2015
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Thank you.
Comment from Terror2s
Just a few grammar nitpicks. "Uncle Buzz"
The old truck appears on the narrow road(;) instead of comma people are pushing it.
without persecution from the states (Could you omit this? one reason I was told is) because of state lines being in the middle.
I liked the content and story very much.However, I think I would have liked it better if you said, "I was three." instead of "am three". I felt like the sophistication of your language did not coincide with the language of a child who was three. The past tense would make it look like past thoughts allowing the sophisticated language to work better. Let me know your thoughts. T2
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Just a few grammar nitpicks. "Uncle Buzz"
The old truck appears on the narrow road(;) instead of comma people are pushing it.
without persecution from the states (Could you omit this? one reason I was told is) because of state lines being in the middle.
I liked the content and story very much.However, I think I would have liked it better if you said, "I was three." instead of "am three". I felt like the sophistication of your language did not coincide with the language of a child who was three. The past tense would make it look like past thoughts allowing the sophisticated language to work better. Let me know your thoughts. T2
Comment Written 06-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2015
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Thank you for the help.
I am trying to follow your suggestions.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was excellent. I like how you describe what is happening in the first person. It's like I'm listening to a story being told around a campfire. Excellent job.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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I thought this was excellent. I like how you describe what is happening in the first person. It's like I'm listening to a story being told around a campfire. Excellent job.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015
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Thank you!
Comment from thomdble
For the first time in a very long time I am speechless. This is really well written but you ought to go back, take your time and do some editing that needs to be done. I feel bad for any mistreatment one human being does to another. I do not understand it and Maybe I am thankful that I don't. Thank you for having the strength to share your stories with me in particular and 'us' in general.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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For the first time in a very long time I am speechless. This is really well written but you ought to go back, take your time and do some editing that needs to be done. I feel bad for any mistreatment one human being does to another. I do not understand it and Maybe I am thankful that I don't. Thank you for having the strength to share your stories with me in particular and 'us' in general.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you!
Comment from Green_Jello
Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and something that many people only hear about in documentaries. It is sad that so many women become trapped involuntary in such a lifestyle. Hopefully you will share more on this and make more people aware of what goes on in what I believe to be cults.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for sharing something so personal and something that many people only hear about in documentaries. It is sad that so many women become trapped involuntary in such a lifestyle. Hopefully you will share more on this and make more people aware of what goes on in what I believe to be cults.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2015
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Green Jello, Great name.
Thank you for your reply.
It is typical (I think) for religion to turn to cults. In the long rum everyone suffers.
Comment from J. Allen Whitt
cbat, this is the first of your work I have read--I have been off FanStory for about three years, and am just now returning. What a shameful episode you relate! It must have been horrible to go through. I assume that conditions are much better for you and your family now--yes?
I know that this is a chapter indoor book, but wonder if it is at the beginning, middle, or end. I did not find a number on the chapter.
I am glad that you can now tell about these things, and we can learn about them.
Congratulations!
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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cbat, this is the first of your work I have read--I have been off FanStory for about three years, and am just now returning. What a shameful episode you relate! It must have been horrible to go through. I assume that conditions are much better for you and your family now--yes?
I know that this is a chapter indoor book, but wonder if it is at the beginning, middle, or end. I did not find a number on the chapter.
I am glad that you can now tell about these things, and we can learn about them.
Congratulations!
Comment Written 24-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2015
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Thank you for reading and responding to my story.
I have in the last month also returned to Fan Story.
I was born in this little town, this story was before I married, probably the beginning of my writing.
I have written quite a few chapters, they are not exact as to when they were experienced.
My mind hop's around
I lived this religion for almost 50 years, having left and finally found peace. Much of the religion is now Cult.
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Thanks for your reply. I wish you the best in the future.
Comment from amahra
What a great story and thanks for sharing your experience. I think now that gay marriage is becoming legal across the country, polygamist finally have a great argument. Which is why people were so afraid of legalizing gay marriage because they knew what could be the next challenge. And it's suddenly here in all its glory and its, "Polygamy". Feminist would go ballistic if polygamy became legal.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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What a great story and thanks for sharing your experience. I think now that gay marriage is becoming legal across the country, polygamist finally have a great argument. Which is why people were so afraid of legalizing gay marriage because they knew what could be the next challenge. And it's suddenly here in all its glory and its, "Polygamy". Feminist would go ballistic if polygamy became legal.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Because I lived and had children in polygamy, marrying a boy I did not know with him obtaining other wives I now look back and see little beauty in such an arrangement.
Gay on the other hand I have experienced also. I believe that an uncle was gay.
Also having just lost a gay foster/son, I fight for gay rights. He had a beautiful love story.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate. I am finding your stories very interesting and they are giving me an insight into a culture that is totally foreign to me.. One SPAG....
"The Raid was a scar on the State authorities because of they(the) way people were treated.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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G'day mate. I am finding your stories very interesting and they are giving me an insight into a culture that is totally foreign to me.. One SPAG....
"The Raid was a scar on the State authorities because of they(the) way people were treated.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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I like your accent, is it authentic?
I appreciate your review, I may be learning grammar better this way.
Just one correction at a time.
It has taken me quite awhile to realize that my beliefs are "Cult" to others.
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LOL. It is authentic indeed. I think if you just take one correction at a time then it will be less stressful at least that's how I found it. When I firstjoined fanstory the list of corrections I got from reviews were longer than the poems, it almost made me give up.
As far as the cult thing goes, if it doesn't hurt anybody then it's not a problem. I have read the book of mormon.
Cheers Fez
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Thank you for replying again.
Living in a religion based on the Mormon religion (polygamy) in many persons eyes (mostly men) it doesn't hurt anybody is way off.
I grew up in it, got married in it and until my baby was 15 struggled in it.
I do not have one of 15 family members that have survived in it.
As in most religions the instigator Joseph Smith thought it was the Holy thing to do.
As you notice Mormon's have stopped the polygamy saying it is for the afterlife.
Believe me it is hurting people.
Sorry to much information.
It is fun talking to you.
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You never have to say sorry to me mate. There was a breakaway section from memory, it may have been Brigham Young I think from memory who carried on the polygamy. But no need to be ashamed my friend, it is not our choice where we are born. It sure wasn't my choice to be born into a family who put me in hospital with various injuries 15 times before I left home at 14. It wasn't my choice to be raped for 9 of my first 14 years. So we just have to do the best we can and survive. We also can't dictate what other people feel, believe or think. I think you are great and I'm proud of you. If I can help with your poetry please let me know.
Comment from jlsavell
cbat, you are a fine writer and I would like to know, are you a Mormon? I come from a family with Mormon beliefs. I respect their culture but I do not claim any religion. well written ..jlsavell
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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cbat, you are a fine writer and I would like to know, are you a Mormon? I come from a family with Mormon beliefs. I respect their culture but I do not claim any religion. well written ..jlsavell
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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The religion grew I up in was a break from Mormon's.
The religion I was in for two thirds of my life was a polygamy one.
My great grand father was a bodyguard to Joseph Smith.
I "thank god" I do not have a religion now.
Thank you for your reply!
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so do I, thank God that I am not swayed by the dogma or doctrines of religion in any sect. I, however, believe in a divine being whose thoughts are higher than our thoughts and vision or promise for mankind is beyond any comprehension or dream mankind can acquisition without being labeled as delusional or insane.. kind of like Moses. eh????
