Beautiful Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 10017 "April Dawn"from birth I have longed for death
7 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Such a sad story, and such a very brave sister, you're right she was much too long, good story, the punctuation was a little distracting, just be attentive to plurals opposed to possessives. Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo I(,) much smaller than her(,) always fought for her. 2: souls could become (butterfly's) butterflies? 3: I wonder how (butterfly's) butterflies? Others! 4: some were animals(,)
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018
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Such a sad story, and such a very brave sister, you're right she was much too long, good story, the punctuation was a little distracting, just be attentive to plurals opposed to possessives. Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo I(,) much smaller than her(,) always fought for her. 2: souls could become (butterfly's) butterflies? 3: I wonder how (butterfly's) butterflies? Others! 4: some were animals(,)
Comment Written 27-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018
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I am just learning how this works again. I apologize for my grammar and mistakes thank you for your kind encourament.
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Don't apologise it's fine
Comment from Sanku
this is a very meaningful tribute to a sister .i am fascinated by the belief that dead souls become butterflies. here in India we believe that dead people visit us as crows.
your thoghts about her as a child and a girl and finally as a patient are touching.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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this is a very meaningful tribute to a sister .i am fascinated by the belief that dead souls become butterflies. here in India we believe that dead people visit us as crows.
your thoghts about her as a child and a girl and finally as a patient are touching.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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You are kind to see past my many mistakes.
Comment from Ricky1024
Well written.
It read and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional.
Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Well written.
It read and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional.
Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 27-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Your comment seen more than I deserve thank you.
Comment from beizanten
Interesting opening paragraph. Love how you describe her nightmare or memory of past life and how it haunted her, you done great. The rest of the story is well written
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Interesting opening paragraph. Love how you describe her nightmare or memory of past life and how it haunted her, you done great. The rest of the story is well written
Comment Written 27-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Your encouragement means a lot, thanks
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day mate. That is another great chapter of your young life. I'm sorry to hear about your sister and I too hope her next life is a better more bright and happy one. I'm enjoying your stories. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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G'day mate. That is another great chapter of your young life. I'm sorry to hear about your sister and I too hope her next life is a better more bright and happy one. I'm enjoying your stories. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Thank you again.
Comment from chandenee
The subject matter is interesting and the story captures you from the beginning, well done on that.
Unfortunately, this story needs a lot of punctuation help. The use of commas is critical. One example is the book "Eats Shoots and Leaves." You can take this two ways depending if you punctuate the phrase or not. "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves."
On Facebook, many people complain about "Grammar Nazis" criticizing everything. I published a book on Amazon for the Kindle and was blasted with a very harsh review about my punctuation. It does matter, because that one review killed my whole book series. Please take time to punctuate properly. I recommend Strunk's Elements of Style to help you.
Keep writing! This is interesting and it will be great to read more someday!
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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The subject matter is interesting and the story captures you from the beginning, well done on that.
Unfortunately, this story needs a lot of punctuation help. The use of commas is critical. One example is the book "Eats Shoots and Leaves." You can take this two ways depending if you punctuate the phrase or not. "Eats, Shoots, and Leaves."
On Facebook, many people complain about "Grammar Nazis" criticizing everything. I published a book on Amazon for the Kindle and was blasted with a very harsh review about my punctuation. It does matter, because that one review killed my whole book series. Please take time to punctuate properly. I recommend Strunk's Elements of Style to help you.
Keep writing! This is interesting and it will be great to read more someday!
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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Thank you for the honest review.
I have struggled with my grammar. I start another class soon.
The more I try to correct it the worse I do.
Comment from Tatarka2
I thought this was such a poignant, heartwarming tribute to the sister you obviously loved so much. I'd suggest you pay particular attention to the use of apostrophes ("butterflies" not "butterfly's;" "little boy's, not "little boys." These are small things, though. I hope you keep writing. I think you must have many stories to tell about yourself, your sisters, and their lives.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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I thought this was such a poignant, heartwarming tribute to the sister you obviously loved so much. I'd suggest you pay particular attention to the use of apostrophes ("butterflies" not "butterfly's;" "little boy's, not "little boys." These are small things, though. I hope you keep writing. I think you must have many stories to tell about yourself, your sisters, and their lives.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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Thank You!
Yes many stories, sadly not usually a happy ending.
