Are You Serious?
The boss has gone too far this time...30 total reviews
Comment from fimarie78
This was a really good idea for the prompt. I really wanted to know if Mrs Walker was ok in the end? I liked the reference to Medusa by the nurse. I wonder if the nurses having names instead of number one and two would have personalised it a bit, but that's just my opinion.
A couple of tiny thoughts.
secretory should be secretary at the beginning
a feat in itself- delete and of
best of luck in the contest. Fiona
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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This was a really good idea for the prompt. I really wanted to know if Mrs Walker was ok in the end? I liked the reference to Medusa by the nurse. I wonder if the nurses having names instead of number one and two would have personalised it a bit, but that's just my opinion.
A couple of tiny thoughts.
secretory should be secretary at the beginning
a feat in itself- delete and of
best of luck in the contest. Fiona
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for the review and the suggestions. That's what's nice about this site.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Friend,
Interesting piece of Satire Fiction meeting the desired norms and beautifully depicting its theme!
Wording is simple as well as impressive.
Smooth and captivating flow through lively dialogues.
The scene of nurse's asking Rebecca to hold the baby and its after effects - is laudable.
Good Luck!
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Hello Friend,
Interesting piece of Satire Fiction meeting the desired norms and beautifully depicting its theme!
Wording is simple as well as impressive.
Smooth and captivating flow through lively dialogues.
The scene of nurse's asking Rebecca to hold the baby and its after effects - is laudable.
Good Luck!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for the lovely and detailed review!
Comment from MelB
I can't imagine a boss asking someone to record their wife giving birth or the employee doing it, but I know some would. It was a tender moment when the baby and Rebecca looked at each other. Can't say as I blame her for quitting. This read very smoothly.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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I can't imagine a boss asking someone to record their wife giving birth or the employee doing it, but I know some would. It was a tender moment when the baby and Rebecca looked at each other. Can't say as I blame her for quitting. This read very smoothly.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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Thank you MelB for the review and comments, and it might have been a stretch on the filming of the baby's birth, but some people are so obsessed with their job and position that they lose track of the important things in life.
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You are right and I have no doubt many would have done it and there are bosses out there who ask for requests like this too.
Comment from Aylee.Jackson
Very well-written. Drew me right in, and it touches on a theme that many people can relate to (work-life balance, among other things).
I was a bit confused, though - the baby seemed to be born awfully fast!
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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Very well-written. Drew me right in, and it touches on a theme that many people can relate to (work-life balance, among other things).
I was a bit confused, though - the baby seemed to be born awfully fast!
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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Thanks for the review, and I know it seems fast, but some babies actually come that way. Mine never did, but I had a friend that delivered about 10 minutes after she got to the hospital. Anyway, I figured the story was long enough as it was. Thanks again.
Comment from mfowler
This is great. A really novel response to the prompt, this request by the boss to attend the birth of his third child, is played out beautifully via conversation. The scene where she ends up holding the baby mess, falling in love with the infant, and quitting, presumably to get married and have kids after all, is really engrossing.
All the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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This is great. A really novel response to the prompt, this request by the boss to attend the birth of his third child, is played out beautifully via conversation. The scene where she ends up holding the baby mess, falling in love with the infant, and quitting, presumably to get married and have kids after all, is really engrossing.
All the best in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for your review and for taking the time to read it. I know it was rather long. In the original ending (before I decided on the slight mystery) I had her talk to the boyfriend rather than the boss and accept his proposal. Thanks, again, for the nice analysis!
Comment from country ranch writer
He sounds like my ex brother in law when my sister had her kids he was no wheres around, his excuse was he had to work as usual
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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He sounds like my ex brother in law when my sister had her kids he was no wheres around, his excuse was he had to work as usual
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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It definitely happens!
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yep
Comment from Pyrrho
I wondered how you were going to end this one ... hoping against hope that you were not going to have our heroine go ga-ga and run off to get married and sprog children.
But I never suspected you to come up with the ending you did come up with, and I envy your wonderful imagination. It is perfect ... although "Fuck off" would have been as good.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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I wondered how you were going to end this one ... hoping against hope that you were not going to have our heroine go ga-ga and run off to get married and sprog children.
But I never suspected you to come up with the ending you did come up with, and I envy your wonderful imagination. It is perfect ... although "Fuck off" would have been as good.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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I actually thought about that, or at least go to hell. May change it.
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No, I quit is better than "go to Hell". the latter is too weak.
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BTW, thank you for the great review
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You deserved it.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I was not sure I entirely got this piece. Why would he have bought her the Harley? Was it a bonus, or to get in her pants? A bit of an escalation from flirting to buying such an expensive gift. It's a bit of a hard present to hide too.
Also,"She gasped as he turned her around, his back pressed firmly against hers. He deftly pealed her jacket off and let it fall dramatically to the floor." - they were back to back? This was quite a feat to strip her jacket off like that!
Good luck in the contest.
What happened to the other story? this is completely different from what was entered originally. Bizarre.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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Hi there,
I was not sure I entirely got this piece. Why would he have bought her the Harley? Was it a bonus, or to get in her pants? A bit of an escalation from flirting to buying such an expensive gift. It's a bit of a hard present to hide too.
Also,"She gasped as he turned her around, his back pressed firmly against hers. He deftly pealed her jacket off and let it fall dramatically to the floor." - they were back to back? This was quite a feat to strip her jacket off like that!
Good luck in the contest.
What happened to the other story? this is completely different from what was entered originally. Bizarre.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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thank you for your review. I really don't think it turned out the way I wanted. I'm going to do a rewrite and repost.
Comment from Cajungirl
Fantastic short story. An excellent take on the writing prompt. I must admit I was surprised by the ending. Great job. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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Fantastic short story. An excellent take on the writing prompt. I must admit I was surprised by the ending. Great job. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your review. It always helps to get an outside perspective.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello mystery writer,
The ending was most unexpected. You had me holding my breath in the parking garage, hoping she would be safe. :)
It's yours," he said with a wicked smile. "For services rendered." .. this line left me a wee bit confused. So were they having an affair?
I guess the secret was her weakness for Harleys.
Best wishes for the contest. (And I can breathe again, knowing she's okay!)
Sonali
didn't want to be trifled with(.) "(F)ollow me."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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Hello mystery writer,
The ending was most unexpected. You had me holding my breath in the parking garage, hoping she would be safe. :)
It's yours," he said with a wicked smile. "For services rendered." .. this line left me a wee bit confused. So were they having an affair?
I guess the secret was her weakness for Harleys.
Best wishes for the contest. (And I can breathe again, knowing she's okay!)
Sonali
didn't want to be trifled with(.) "(F)ollow me."
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your great review. I changed it a bit.
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Great - it reads MUCH better. Good luck.
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Thanks for the advice. Sometimes you think you mean one thing and it comes out another.
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I know what you mean. :)
