Beautiful Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 10019 "brain bounce"from birth I have longed for death
8 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
Hahahahaha! You've gotta hate those damn Lamas mate! I got a real kick out of this. Most days I spend 12 or more hours on here and sometimes I struggle to scratch myself as my brain just turns into something unrecognisable LOL. Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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Hahahahaha! You've gotta hate those damn Lamas mate! I got a real kick out of this. Most days I spend 12 or more hours on here and sometimes I struggle to scratch myself as my brain just turns into something unrecognisable LOL. Cheers Fez
Comment Written 21-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015
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Thank you!
I have not tried poems very often.
The writing I do is not to uplifting so I took a break.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This is great. Your poem is raw emotion. I Love it. The rhyme is natural and makes this easy to read. The emotions are real. A well written and enjoyable poem.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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This is great. Your poem is raw emotion. I Love it. The rhyme is natural and makes this easy to read. The emotions are real. A well written and enjoyable poem.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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Thank you again.
Comment from Finglas
I am glad you took five and penned this piece. Nicely done. You capture the gamut of inanity that tajes over when we are no longer driving the bus.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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I am glad you took five and penned this piece. Nicely done. You capture the gamut of inanity that tajes over when we are no longer driving the bus.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2015
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You are kind! Thank you.
Comment from janalma
Cute poem. I know how it is. Sometimes we reach our limit. I liked the humor in this--the great range from pronouns to llamas. Which reminds me--isn't llamas spelled with two l's? That's minor so will still give you a five.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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Cute poem. I know how it is. Sometimes we reach our limit. I liked the humor in this--the great range from pronouns to llamas. Which reminds me--isn't llamas spelled with two l's? That's minor so will still give you a five.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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Thank you!
The darn llamas are giving me trouble.
Comment from Pyrrho
Other than the terrible commas/lama's forced rhyme, not bad. But why the possessive lama's? make no sense, but of course the poem is not meant to make real sense, is it?
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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Other than the terrible commas/lama's forced rhyme, not bad. But why the possessive lama's? make no sense, but of course the poem is not meant to make real sense, is it?
Comment Written 19-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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No the poem was not expected to even be anything. I did it just because I sometimes literally feel like I am trapped in my head.
And you are right about the Lama being forced.
The reviews have been kind, and surprising.
Thank you!
Comment from patcelaw
When I first came to the site my mind was on overload as I wrote and reviewed. I have been blessed by the really nice reviews from terrific people. Patricia
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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When I first came to the site my mind was on overload as I wrote and reviewed. I have been blessed by the really nice reviews from terrific people. Patricia
Comment Written 18-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2015
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Thank you for the nice stars.
This site seems addicting. I have to try things I am not good at to clear my mind.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This has good flow and is a bit quirky (in a nice way--no offense meant). I like the random thoughts being thrown out of your brain. I would change there's LAMA"s to something like Oh No! There are llamas.
As written it states there is Lama's. The ' makes the word own something when there is nothing to own. If you keep the s on llamas, then the verb needs to be are.
Good job and thanks for sharing.
Welcome to FS.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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This has good flow and is a bit quirky (in a nice way--no offense meant). I like the random thoughts being thrown out of your brain. I would change there's LAMA"s to something like Oh No! There are llamas.
As written it states there is Lama's. The ' makes the word own something when there is nothing to own. If you keep the s on llamas, then the verb needs to be are.
Good job and thanks for sharing.
Welcome to FS.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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Thank you!
I will follow your advice.
Tomorrow-my brain bounced again.
Also I hope to find something you have written.
Comment from meggie13
We even dream of what we read here. This is true to many of us. You used a very interesting theme for your poem. I do not write but I review a lot. I understand your" brain bounce" and you described it perfectly.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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We even dream of what we read here. This is true to many of us. You used a very interesting theme for your poem. I do not write but I review a lot. I understand your" brain bounce" and you described it perfectly.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2015
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Thank you!
