Petite Fleur
Pantoum contest entry60 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
Excellent pantoum paints a portrait of an elderly woman who looks back at her glory years as a dance. The first stanza sets the stage;
From far below, notes start to climb.
Although I cannot leave this chair
my mind begins a dance through time.
I share a waltz with Fred Astaire.
The woman daydreams about dances in the past. This contrasts her current state "Although I cannot leave this chair." You rendered this story poem beautifully. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Excellent pantoum paints a portrait of an elderly woman who looks back at her glory years as a dance. The first stanza sets the stage;
From far below, notes start to climb.
Although I cannot leave this chair
my mind begins a dance through time.
I share a waltz with Fred Astaire.
The woman daydreams about dances in the past. This contrasts her current state "Although I cannot leave this chair." You rendered this story poem beautifully. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Thanks so much for taking time with my poem Sis Cat. I am glad that you enjoyed it. - Wendy
Comment from Glasstruth
To fantasize is something we all do. Age, sometimes s destroyer of dreams compared to when we were young and could be anything we wanted. Nice repetition. The rhyming sounds great. Wonderfully written. Les
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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To fantasize is something we all do. Age, sometimes s destroyer of dreams compared to when we were young and could be anything we wanted. Nice repetition. The rhyming sounds great. Wonderfully written. Les
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Thanks so much, Les, for taking the time to visit my poem. Sometimes, my insistence on pure rhyme can be a bugaboo for me too. I love the puzzle challenge of the form and I'm glad you liked the result. - Wendy
Comment from SimplyK
I love how she is living in her memory
lovely poem, great rhythmic flow
And your patterning with the lines is beautiful. I don't know enough about poetic form to know if this kind of structure has a special name, but I know enough to see that it isn't easy to do this and have it come across unforced.
I love that you write it in present tense so we hear it as her immediate thoughts.
lost in the arms of yesterday, what a great line!
The picture is beautiful too and matches perfectly with the remembrance of time past
Thanks for sharing this, it is truly lovely
:)
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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I love how she is living in her memory
lovely poem, great rhythmic flow
And your patterning with the lines is beautiful. I don't know enough about poetic form to know if this kind of structure has a special name, but I know enough to see that it isn't easy to do this and have it come across unforced.
I love that you write it in present tense so we hear it as her immediate thoughts.
lost in the arms of yesterday, what a great line!
The picture is beautiful too and matches perfectly with the remembrance of time past
Thanks for sharing this, it is truly lovely
:)
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Thank you for the kind and thorough review. It is called a Pantoum. The form is difficult, because of the numerous repeats and the need to keep the story moving within those confines. At the same time, I love puzzles, so this was a labor of love. - Wendy
Comment from flamingstar
Wow...fantastic. The winner for sure. Poignantly acknowledges the pining for one's youth that some (if not all) of us feel as we slide down Aging's slippery slope...
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Wow...fantastic. The winner for sure. Poignantly acknowledges the pining for one's youth that some (if not all) of us feel as we slide down Aging's slippery slope...
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Well, I certainly hope your are a fortune teller! I appreciate your, "glowing review" - Wendy
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I love the message of this poem. It's a theme I use occasionally, too, and you have done so masterfully. You can feel the character thinking back on when she was once beautiful and the center of attention. Now in her old age, she reflects and imagines until, in a way, she is able to live again as before, only in her mind and reflections.
I love the characterization of age as "life's saboteur"!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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I love the message of this poem. It's a theme I use occasionally, too, and you have done so masterfully. You can feel the character thinking back on when she was once beautiful and the center of attention. Now in her old age, she reflects and imagines until, in a way, she is able to live again as before, only in her mind and reflections.
I love the characterization of age as "life's saboteur"!
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your kind words and the lovely review. It is important for me to know what phrasing resonates. - Wendy
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well, I am certainly no fashionista by any stretch of the imagination, Wendy. But your punctuation kind of gave away the pronunciation. LOL.
That being said, those of us who are disabled can, in fact, dream through what we read, write and watch. Take reading for example. It can transport us to places, distant galaxies and on untold adventures which we are likely never to see, much less experience. In addition, through our own writing, we can do the same for others... just as you've here in your stellar pantoum poetry entry.
Best of luck to you in the contest. :)
~Dean
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Well, I am certainly no fashionista by any stretch of the imagination, Wendy. But your punctuation kind of gave away the pronunciation. LOL.
That being said, those of us who are disabled can, in fact, dream through what we read, write and watch. Take reading for example. It can transport us to places, distant galaxies and on untold adventures which we are likely never to see, much less experience. In addition, through our own writing, we can do the same for others... just as you've here in your stellar pantoum poetry entry.
Best of luck to you in the contest. :)
~Dean
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Thanks so much for the kind words Dean. I have learned not to assume much as far as pronunciation is concerned. Sometimes reviewers are even overwhelmed by syllable count! I even contemplated giving the translation for Petit Fleur but decided that the folks who want to be writers ought to have a modicum of worldly knowledge (or learn how to look things up on Google.) I once had a reviewer say that she gave me fewer stars because I, "used words she didn't understand." . . .sigh. But I do appreciate that you took time from your own wonderful writing to take a peek at mine. - Wendy
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It was entirely my pleasure, Wendy, and I know exactly what you mean. :)
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is a lovely Pantoum in perfect form. It tells a rather sad story and it works well and not at all contrived to meet the requirements of this poetry form. Now chair-bound, the character was once a dancer called Petit Fleur - little flower. A lovely picture and a fine entry in the contest. Good Luck - warm regards Dorothy x
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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This is a lovely Pantoum in perfect form. It tells a rather sad story and it works well and not at all contrived to meet the requirements of this poetry form. Now chair-bound, the character was once a dancer called Petit Fleur - little flower. A lovely picture and a fine entry in the contest. Good Luck - warm regards Dorothy x
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Thank you Dorothy for taking the time to read and review my work. I am glad you enjoyed the piece and I thank you for the warm good luck wish. - Wendy
Comment from scd41
It is a nice pantoum. The old memories haunt the artist who cannot move because of age. The mind is still interested but the body does not permit - a pitiable situation for the sufferer. Best of luck for the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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It is a nice pantoum. The old memories haunt the artist who cannot move because of age. The mind is still interested but the body does not permit - a pitiable situation for the sufferer. Best of luck for the contest.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Thank you for the read, review and good luck wish. I'm glad you liked it. - Wendy
Comment from alf collier
Hi rosehillvote. You won my attention with the topic (myself a former ballroom dancer), you won my admiration with the poem, and won my vote with overall beauty and perfection of presentation, alf
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Hi rosehillvote. You won my attention with the topic (myself a former ballroom dancer), you won my admiration with the poem, and won my vote with overall beauty and perfection of presentation, alf
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Thank you Alf for your kind review. I was singing with the Big Band while you were cutting a rug. I loved watching the patterns as the couples moved together so artfully around the ballroom floor. - Wendy
Comment from ravenblack
From far below notes start to climb/ cracked , peeling walls- this is like a memory within a memory- the memory of the old dance hall and the memory of the old woman confined to a chair. Is she a prisoner? No. She is free in her mind, memory also giving the building life. Excellent pantoum. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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From far below notes start to climb/ cracked , peeling walls- this is like a memory within a memory- the memory of the old dance hall and the memory of the old woman confined to a chair. Is she a prisoner? No. She is free in her mind, memory also giving the building life. Excellent pantoum. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for the read and review. I am glad you enjoyed it and appreciate the good luck wish. - Wendy
