Comment from emrpoems

Excellent

Expert incorporation of the repeated lines so that it is hardly even noticed.
Good use of abab rhymes
superb pairing of picture and poem
Good use of alliteration

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Thank you so much for taking time with my piece. I appreciate the concise evaluation which helps me to improve my efforts. - Wendy

Comment from nancyjam

Excellent

Nicely written Pantoum. it tells a lovely story as
the speaker looks back and imagines herself
waltzing with Fred Astaire.
The repeating lines are woven in smoothly in
each stanza without the feeling of them being forced.
Excellent rhyme and meter.
Good luck in the contest. Nancy

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Thank you Nancy for the kind review. I also appreciate your good luck wish. - Wendy

Comment from acerisestory

Excellent

Your pantoum is lovely, rosehill. The imagery you've created tells a beautiful story.

Your words flow well, and your repeating lines fit so very well.

Your abcb rhyming is very well done, and you've made fine use of alliteration.

This is a good entry for the contest. Best of luck! Alana

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Thanks Alana. I appreciate that you noted what you enjoyed. It helps me to evaluate my new attempts. - Wendy

Comment from pennedup

Exceptional

Absolutely. Love this form of poetry with the reparative lines throughout. I can relate to this as I am aging and abilities are not what they used to be. I also as a child loved to watch the old Fred Astaire Musicals. You brought back wonderful memories to me and a feeling of melancholy as well.

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

I really appreciate your kind words and the time spent to read and review my words. It actually was yet another trip up the stairs at my B & B that inspired this work. The music was playing down below - I used to sing in a Big Band and I still enjoy the music - and I wondered how long before I couldn't drag my old self up and down anymore. I am a total Fred Fan too. - Wendy

Comment from jlsavell

Excellent

rosehill, there are a lot of pantoum floating around these days. I am going to have to try one. True, age is life's saboteur. It goes quickly and the things we had taken for granted are actually priceless.. well done.. jlsavell

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Thank you so much for taking a look at my work. I think everyone should try this once. Each time I finish one I swear I won't put my self through it ever again . . .but here I am. - Wendy

Comment from Emily George

Excellent

Great entry. Wish you well. I like the flow of your work you have created a strong image of the surroundings the girl in the chair with big dreams, that her circumstance will not change her dreams. You have kept to the rules of pantoum without loosing the rhyme

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Thank you Emily for your read and review. I appreciate your comment on the flow as I really tried to get that right. - Wendy

Comment from Thamp

Excellent

Beautiful and well done. I think you have a winner here. I'm always impressed with a pantoum. You have made it seem easy. Nice work and great fortune in the contest.

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Thank you for the read, review and good wishes. - Wendy

Comment from pattipac

Good

So deserving of six bright stars, but alas my pockets are empty. Your beautifully penned words about an dementia patient, in a nursing home, finding escape in music by dancing in the arms of Fred Astaire is poignant.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Thanks so much for the kind review. I'm going to accept that wished for six and assume that the four stars were a slip of the mouse. ; ) - Wendy

reply by pattipac on 14-Mar-2015

Oh, my, they were! Had eye surgery this week and had blurred vision for a day or two.

Comment from lorettayoung

Excellent

Beautiful pantoum; the repetition is hardly noticed because of the depth and sadness so well portrayed. The form is perfect, the message intense and thought provoking. Loved it.

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Welcome to Fan Story lorettayoung - smiled at the memories your name evoked - and I appreciate your read and review. - Wendy

Comment from Doc Holiday

Excellent

Dancing within your mind can be the most graceful dance of all!
And to think you are dancing with Fred Astaire, no less. I'm not a great dancer, myself, but I think I can dance so much better without tripping over my or my partners feet when I'm dreaming about it....Well-written romantic quality poem.

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2015

Thanks Doc. I'm glad you enjoyed it and appreciate the read and review. - Wendy