Beautiful Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 10023 "motivation"from birth I have longed for death
4 total reviews
Comment from ann marie mazz
hello
never did you stray from the theme or title
I applaud you for that
we need motivation to get through life
I liked that you chose not capitalize each line
I never find that necessary
thank you for sharing
ann marie
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2015
   |
hello
never did you stray from the theme or title
I applaud you for that
we need motivation to get through life
I liked that you chose not capitalize each line
I never find that necessary
thank you for sharing
ann marie
Comment Written 10-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2015
-
Thank you!
Comment from Sis Cat
Good poem on motivation. Many have a hard time getting out of bed. So people will identify with your subject. As for the poem itself, your rhymes are clunky and forced to the point that your rhymes sound neither like elevated speech or refined. You try too hard to make rhymes. The line "each morning I ask where am me" does not work because it would be natural for the voice to say "each morning I ask where am I." Try listening to what your poem says and go with that, rhyme or not. While one may lack motivation to awake to face the day, one requires motivation to write poetry. Keep working at it and you will get better.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
|
Good poem on motivation. Many have a hard time getting out of bed. So people will identify with your subject. As for the poem itself, your rhymes are clunky and forced to the point that your rhymes sound neither like elevated speech or refined. You try too hard to make rhymes. The line "each morning I ask where am me" does not work because it would be natural for the voice to say "each morning I ask where am I." Try listening to what your poem says and go with that, rhyme or not. While one may lack motivation to awake to face the day, one requires motivation to write poetry. Keep working at it and you will get better.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
-
Thank you, I see with your help my problems.
I am actually not a poem writer. This was just playing around.
I can tell you that I am going back to online school to fix what I can.
Comment from Jackreese
Thank you for posting this. I liked it a lot. I especially liked the second line "here I sit-like a fat cow". I use that term all the time when I describe myself! I had to re-read it because of that line, as I had laughed out loud with it. Great job!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
|
Thank you for posting this. I liked it a lot. I especially liked the second line "here I sit-like a fat cow". I use that term all the time when I describe myself! I had to re-read it because of that line, as I had laughed out loud with it. Great job!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
-
Thank you very much for your remarks.
Comment from tHe -_(N)_- Shield
WOW!! AMAZING!!
I love old English. It it more artistic and way much deeper than today's dialect.
'Tis deliberate and far-sighting. Good. Keep on evolving!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
|
WOW!! AMAZING!!
I love old English. It it more artistic and way much deeper than today's dialect.
'Tis deliberate and far-sighting. Good. Keep on evolving!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
-
You have helped me a lot. I sometimes see the way I write and feel stupid or uneducated.
-
Yeah me too, it was due to people and my teacher didn't like old English. I was inspired by Shakespeare.
