Beautiful Death
Viewing comments for Chapter 10027 "reality"from birth I have longed for death
9 total reviews
Comment from dmt1967
This is a well written story, but I am sorry you had to go through such pain at such a young age. At least your father had an excuse for changing, although that is no conciliation. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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This is a well written story, but I am sorry you had to go through such pain at such a young age. At least your father had an excuse for changing, although that is no conciliation. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2015
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Thank you
Looking back, my mom allowed us to pour all our love into dad, not revealing his violence towards her.
I still think of my dear father with love.
Lately I have looked at my feelings for mom and realize I often misjudged her.
Personally I feel no sadness at my childhood.
Comment from Drew Delaney
I am giving you a five star rating because you are new here and you need some pointers.
You have a lot on your plate and its not an easy thing to have all that in your past. It's good to write it all down.
First suggestion: Write in paragraphs. Don't make them too long. And then put a space between the paragraph before you carry on.
Example:
In the beginning, life seemed simple. As a child, I did not realise how messed up my life was and would become. We ran free in the fields and climbed mountains, hiking up in canyons, and sleeping in caves above our home.
I collected animals, and when my home was full of anger or violence, my animals sat outside with me. All my life, I favored animals over humans simply because I did not question their love and could trust them.
I loved my giant dad whom having been in the army came home with honors and many scars. I hid his faults, while at the same time putting my anger toward my mom. She actually held our family together, but was not patient. She cooked, sewed, also an artist and a farmer. When she tried to teach me music, she would end up slapping me.
So spaces between your paragraphs and try to cut words that are not necessary. I have done a bit of that with this section. I hope you don't mind. Best wishes. Drew xx
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
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I am giving you a five star rating because you are new here and you need some pointers.
You have a lot on your plate and its not an easy thing to have all that in your past. It's good to write it all down.
First suggestion: Write in paragraphs. Don't make them too long. And then put a space between the paragraph before you carry on.
Example:
In the beginning, life seemed simple. As a child, I did not realise how messed up my life was and would become. We ran free in the fields and climbed mountains, hiking up in canyons, and sleeping in caves above our home.
I collected animals, and when my home was full of anger or violence, my animals sat outside with me. All my life, I favored animals over humans simply because I did not question their love and could trust them.
I loved my giant dad whom having been in the army came home with honors and many scars. I hid his faults, while at the same time putting my anger toward my mom. She actually held our family together, but was not patient. She cooked, sewed, also an artist and a farmer. When she tried to teach me music, she would end up slapping me.
So spaces between your paragraphs and try to cut words that are not necessary. I have done a bit of that with this section. I hope you don't mind. Best wishes. Drew xx
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
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I absolutely do not mind. Oops I used too many words.
Your help is appreciated, I have quit writing for long spaces of time because I need to get it through my head where and what commas, periods and paragraphs are.
Thank's to people like you: I will keep trying.
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hello Author,
Wow, this is a tough chapter of your life read. No one knows why things happen but you hope some families get a break...sorry, yours didn't.
Hair raising story about your dad. I was a topper for a tree company for years...doesn't hardly get any more dangerous!
I see in your notes that you realize this needs a bit of polish...so I'll wish you a wonderful day and say farewell.
Bill
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
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Hello Author,
Wow, this is a tough chapter of your life read. No one knows why things happen but you hope some families get a break...sorry, yours didn't.
Hair raising story about your dad. I was a topper for a tree company for years...doesn't hardly get any more dangerous!
I see in your notes that you realize this needs a bit of polish...so I'll wish you a wonderful day and say farewell.
Bill
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2015
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Thank you
The good thing is that I could write forever with the stories of fifteen kids all messed up.
Comment from royowen
The whole story needs a bit of editing I'm afraid! I enjoyed this well told story, the abusive father is not an uncommon one but obviously there are reasons why this father, had become abusive, I enjoyed what I could piece together, a good tale, well done, blessings, Roy. Spag:- we(,) my brothers and...2.(second to the oldest,) second eldest, 3:when I was five(,) my father(,)
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015
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The whole story needs a bit of editing I'm afraid! I enjoyed this well told story, the abusive father is not an uncommon one but obviously there are reasons why this father, had become abusive, I enjoyed what I could piece together, a good tale, well done, blessings, Roy. Spag:- we(,) my brothers and...2.(second to the oldest,) second eldest, 3:when I was five(,) my father(,)
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015
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Thank you.
I am taking more writing classes hope to improve.
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I wish you well, you'll get there!
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thank you
Comment from Jacob Collins
Life does seem very simple to us as children, it is only when we grow older that we realise how difficult life can be. An interesting piece of writing. It could use with tightening up in places but other than that I think that this is a good piece of writing...Jacob
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015
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Life does seem very simple to us as children, it is only when we grow older that we realise how difficult life can be. An interesting piece of writing. It could use with tightening up in places but other than that I think that this is a good piece of writing...Jacob
Comment Written 08-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2015
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Thank you.
Comment from Seagazer
Well written and I imagine difficult to tell. It sounds like something you needed to get off your chest, so I have no suggestions for improving it. If it was your truth, then I commend the courage you had to tell it. Be well
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Well written and I imagine difficult to tell. It sounds like something you needed to get off your chest, so I have no suggestions for improving it. If it was your truth, then I commend the courage you had to tell it. Be well
Comment Written 04-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your kindness.
Comment from Pyrrho
The vignette is totally confusing with run-on-sentences, totally incorrect or missing punctuation and too many a non secquitur to cite. It needs major attention and edit.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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The vignette is totally confusing with run-on-sentences, totally incorrect or missing punctuation and too many a non secquitur to cite. It needs major attention and edit.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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I apologize for my writing, and fully agree with what you say, thank you for taking time to reply
Comment from Eigle Rull
This well written piece does need to be cleaned up and put right. It is very interesting and it held my attention well. However, parts of it were hard to understand. I think just a slight bit of editing will change this to a very good story, my friend. Best of wishes to you.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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This well written piece does need to be cleaned up and put right. It is very interesting and it held my attention well. However, parts of it were hard to understand. I think just a slight bit of editing will change this to a very good story, my friend. Best of wishes to you.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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thank you
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Thank you for your comments.
Comment from thomdble
This is a great start to one magnificent story. Take your time and take notes on memories as they come to you. Remember that it is your truth you wish to write about and stick to it. Set aside time every day to write a lot or a little. Just continue writing. Keep it up and it will come to you. You know your story first hand and nobody else can tell it. It is worthy to allow your story to get out to the public and let others share in it. Good luck and please stay in touch.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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This is a great start to one magnificent story. Take your time and take notes on memories as they come to you. Remember that it is your truth you wish to write about and stick to it. Set aside time every day to write a lot or a little. Just continue writing. Keep it up and it will come to you. You know your story first hand and nobody else can tell it. It is worthy to allow your story to get out to the public and let others share in it. Good luck and please stay in touch.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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Thank you
