Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Dancing With Wolves"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
21 total reviews
Comment from sharonmealler
I thought the writing was excellent. The author really conveyed the feeling of fear, panic, and helplessness the men felt. I was totally immersed in that dark forest with those men, waiting for something to attack. This is definitely a book I would enjoy reading cover to cover. The author caught your attention from the beginning and left you wanting more at the end. Quite simply, I liked it.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2015
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I thought the writing was excellent. The author really conveyed the feeling of fear, panic, and helplessness the men felt. I was totally immersed in that dark forest with those men, waiting for something to attack. This is definitely a book I would enjoy reading cover to cover. The author caught your attention from the beginning and left you wanting more at the end. Quite simply, I liked it.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2015
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Welcome to fanstory, my dear. But you make the same mistake as all new-comers do. Your review doesn't reflect the four star rating. Newcomers don't understand the rating system before they start reading and reviewing our work. The four is not good; it means there was something lacking in the writing and you have to point that out. If nothing is wrong, and you like everything, then you give a five or more star rating. We have tell every new-comer that.
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Thanks for the info. I really am thrilled to be part of this.
Comment from Ulla
Excellent, I enjoyed that read. Supernatural fiction is normally not my first choice, but yours was very entertaining and well written with a lot of suspense. Couldn't detect any faults. Looking forward to read more. Ulla
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2015
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Excellent, I enjoyed that read. Supernatural fiction is normally not my first choice, but yours was very entertaining and well written with a lot of suspense. Couldn't detect any faults. Looking forward to read more. Ulla
Comment Written 05-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much for reading me. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Aunty,
You are fine tuning your craft. Horror is not my genre, but my goodness, you had me at the edge of my seat!
The appearance of the witches was timely and masterful.
Very, very well done, ma'am. This is one of your best writings.
Big hug,
Sonali :)
hundred of us with (shotguns) and rifles
"All right, Wayne," Bob said in a hush(ed) voice. He
ass back to your station," he commanded in a hush(ed) voice - you've got hushed voice twice. Try to avoid repetition
Everyone snatched their heads around .. snatched means to grab ... not sure this is the word you're looking for. Jerked ... perhaps?
They eased through the woods(,) cringing at every step
Sleeping men's eyes flashed (open)
(Gunshots) peppered the sky and footsteps thundered
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2015
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Hi Aunty,
You are fine tuning your craft. Horror is not my genre, but my goodness, you had me at the edge of my seat!
The appearance of the witches was timely and masterful.
Very, very well done, ma'am. This is one of your best writings.
Big hug,
Sonali :)
hundred of us with (shotguns) and rifles
"All right, Wayne," Bob said in a hush(ed) voice. He
ass back to your station," he commanded in a hush(ed) voice - you've got hushed voice twice. Try to avoid repetition
Everyone snatched their heads around .. snatched means to grab ... not sure this is the word you're looking for. Jerked ... perhaps?
They eased through the woods(,) cringing at every step
Sleeping men's eyes flashed (open)
(Gunshots) peppered the sky and footsteps thundered
Comment Written 05-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much, my dear. I made every correction. I'm so glad you're back to read my work. I really appreciate your reviews. And thank you, also, for the wonderful stars. I'm really glad you enjoyed it that much.
Comment from michaelcahill
This is so engaging. The regular folks act so naturally that the level of realism is enhanced so a very high degree. It makes the witches actions believable because these real people believe it. It's almost like it has to be true because these aren't people that would believe just anything. Great dialogue and killer action. Wow. I can't believe it, I'm caught up with ONE thing in the world. :)) mikey
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2015
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This is so engaging. The regular folks act so naturally that the level of realism is enhanced so a very high degree. It makes the witches actions believable because these real people believe it. It's almost like it has to be true because these aren't people that would believe just anything. Great dialogue and killer action. Wow. I can't believe it, I'm caught up with ONE thing in the world. :)) mikey
Comment Written 05-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2015
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Wow thank you, mikey for this awesome review. I'm so glad you liked it. I really work hard on my stories to make them believable, so your comments are so encouraging.
Comment from jaeladarling
Poor Pete - and his family! Ugh, makes me ill. A good action-packed chapter though - what a battle! It'll be interesting to see what they come up with on that fur. Nice work on this one.
A few suggestions:
"he said patting his gun." (Comma after "said")
"If they encountered the beasts they'd" (Comma after "beasts")
"lurked overhead and thick fog" (Comma after "overhead")
"Some of the men near-by" ("nearby")
"got edgy and Wayne" (Comma after "edgy")
"They eased through the woods cringing at" (Comma after "woods")
"Then, where the hell are our vehicles?" (No comma)
"As soon as day breaks we'll find" (Comma after "breaks")
"grew heavy and they drifted" (Comma after "heavy")
"from a branch--wings spread" (The dash should be a comma)
"Its yellow eyes blazing back at him." ("blazing" should be "blazed")
Dwayne screeched" (Extra quotation mark)
"He wasn't just trampled under-foot he was" ("He wasn't just trampled underfoot, he was")
"His arms were released and Wayne" (Comma after "released")
"Joe's chest deflated and he" (Comma after "deflated")
"for a few moments, and then" (No comma)
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Poor Pete - and his family! Ugh, makes me ill. A good action-packed chapter though - what a battle! It'll be interesting to see what they come up with on that fur. Nice work on this one.
A few suggestions:
"he said patting his gun." (Comma after "said")
"If they encountered the beasts they'd" (Comma after "beasts")
"lurked overhead and thick fog" (Comma after "overhead")
"Some of the men near-by" ("nearby")
"got edgy and Wayne" (Comma after "edgy")
"They eased through the woods cringing at" (Comma after "woods")
"Then, where the hell are our vehicles?" (No comma)
"As soon as day breaks we'll find" (Comma after "breaks")
"grew heavy and they drifted" (Comma after "heavy")
"from a branch--wings spread" (The dash should be a comma)
"Its yellow eyes blazing back at him." ("blazing" should be "blazed")
Dwayne screeched" (Extra quotation mark)
"He wasn't just trampled under-foot he was" ("He wasn't just trampled underfoot, he was")
"His arms were released and Wayne" (Comma after "released")
"Joe's chest deflated and he" (Comma after "deflated")
"for a few moments, and then" (No comma)
Comment Written 04-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Thank you so much Jaeladarling. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and point out these oversights. I corrected them. Please continue to read me.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
What a dramatic scene you've
painted Amahra - dramatic and
horrifying - so unique in your
descriptions - which made it a
pleasure to read, my friend.
it's no wonder grown men were brought to tears after seeing how their fellow officers met their end.
all in all, most impressive and deserving of a six - my last.
margaret
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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What a dramatic scene you've
painted Amahra - dramatic and
horrifying - so unique in your
descriptions - which made it a
pleasure to read, my friend.
it's no wonder grown men were brought to tears after seeing how their fellow officers met their end.
all in all, most impressive and deserving of a six - my last.
margaret
Comment Written 04-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2015
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Wow! Thank you so , My Dear. I worked really hard to make this a worthy read, and your comments are so flattering. I'm glad you enjoyed this. You've made my day.
Comment from chasennov
Chapter 13 of the book Dark Covenant The Berwick Witches Series: Book One "Dancing With Wolves" This has been a pleasure reading your perfect chapter on your novel and I certainly have derived much satisfaction out of it. Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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Chapter 13 of the book Dark Covenant The Berwick Witches Series: Book One "Dancing With Wolves" This has been a pleasure reading your perfect chapter on your novel and I certainly have derived much satisfaction out of it. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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Thank you very much, Chasennov for stopping by.
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
So some wolves were loose in the forest? I thought all were chained in the mine. Are there other wolves they didn't know about? Well, now everyone will believe there are really werewolves, bec of the DNA analysis. Very exciting post. Hurry with the next chapter please! :)
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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So some wolves were loose in the forest? I thought all were chained in the mine. Are there other wolves they didn't know about? Well, now everyone will believe there are really werewolves, bec of the DNA analysis. Very exciting post. Hurry with the next chapter please! :)
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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Hey, Phyllis. Gotta stay tune to find out those answers, Smile. Thank you so much for staying with the story.
Comment from wpk0156
I really enjoyed the premise and where this story is taking me. Your action sequence provided great tension without being too over the top. In this sentence, "Meanwhile, back at Greyscott Falls," I would remove the meanwhile. It's not needed to keep your idea flowing. Also, the flow of dialog when the men found their vehicles missing seemed a little mild mannered for the situation. It didn't convey the fear and surprise that we know they were feeling. Overall, I think you've got some great story construction here being driven forward with solid characters. Looking forward to more!
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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I really enjoyed the premise and where this story is taking me. Your action sequence provided great tension without being too over the top. In this sentence, "Meanwhile, back at Greyscott Falls," I would remove the meanwhile. It's not needed to keep your idea flowing. Also, the flow of dialog when the men found their vehicles missing seemed a little mild mannered for the situation. It didn't convey the fear and surprise that we know they were feeling. Overall, I think you've got some great story construction here being driven forward with solid characters. Looking forward to more!
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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Thank you very much for reading and for your comments.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Harriett. How's the book doing on amazon? This chapter is very interesting, especially to a novice fantasy buff like me. LOL
Your dialogue is intriguing and superbly written:
And your images are concrete: " Gun shots peppered the sky and footsteps thundered past his face--heavy boots striking him as he desperately tried to crawl his way out of the forest and into the clear.
"Will you relax? You've seen me with this baby," he said patting his gun. "I can hit a deer right between the eyes at a hundred feet." (100 yards would be more impressive, I think, Harriett.
""Yeah, but that deer's not coming at you thirty-five miles an hour to rip your brains out of your head."
Suggestions: "prepared for tonight's raid, (I think "prepared for the night's raid" sounds better and fits best.)
Great job overall, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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Hi, Harriett. How's the book doing on amazon? This chapter is very interesting, especially to a novice fantasy buff like me. LOL
Your dialogue is intriguing and superbly written:
And your images are concrete: " Gun shots peppered the sky and footsteps thundered past his face--heavy boots striking him as he desperately tried to crawl his way out of the forest and into the clear.
"Will you relax? You've seen me with this baby," he said patting his gun. "I can hit a deer right between the eyes at a hundred feet." (100 yards would be more impressive, I think, Harriett.
""Yeah, but that deer's not coming at you thirty-five miles an hour to rip your brains out of your head."
Suggestions: "prepared for tonight's raid, (I think "prepared for the night's raid" sounds better and fits best.)
Great job overall, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 03-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Bob. Always a pleasure hearing your suggestions.
