Dark Covenant
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "A Race with the Moon"The Berwick Witches Series: Book One
21 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
Well, this certainly looks like an action-packed adventure - these witches are in a war over the killing, but there's even more going on in one chapter. It held my attention well.
I noticed a couple of small edits needed, and I have two suggestions to tighten two sentences, but before those I thought I would mention that you might want to put a warning on this for language:
1) "...a cunt('s) chance..."
2) "...unable to help his man who (lay)..."
3) Instead of "Then a great thrill came upon..." try, "River was thrilled when..."
4) Here, the two words in brackets are not needed: "There was only one ingredient missing..."
Otherwise, nicely done - good narrative, dialogue and well-paced.
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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Well, this certainly looks like an action-packed adventure - these witches are in a war over the killing, but there's even more going on in one chapter. It held my attention well.
I noticed a couple of small edits needed, and I have two suggestions to tighten two sentences, but before those I thought I would mention that you might want to put a warning on this for language:
1) "...a cunt('s) chance..."
2) "...unable to help his man who (lay)..."
3) Instead of "Then a great thrill came upon..." try, "River was thrilled when..."
4) Here, the two words in brackets are not needed: "There was only one ingredient missing..."
Otherwise, nicely done - good narrative, dialogue and well-paced.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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Thank you, Dawn. I'm glad you liked the chapter. I'll make those corrections.
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oops - re: #4 - I forgot to put the two words in brackets!!! LOL. But I'm sure you know what they were, since they're missing in what I DID write. LOL
You're very welcome. (Thank you for your gracious reply.)
