~ SHOT AT DAWN ~ ~ Almost A Hero~
Story five...30 total reviews
Comment from L.M.Mullins
"Harris sat at a table paying Solitaire" should this be Playing?
Compelling story filled with action that escalates from the beginning all the way to the end. Enjoyable read.
LM
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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"Harris sat at a table paying Solitaire" should this be Playing?
Compelling story filled with action that escalates from the beginning all the way to the end. Enjoyable read.
LM
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Thank you LM, for your kind review. Glad you enjoyed my story.
:) Mel.
Comment from thee-name
Excellent story. Seen no mistakes. Keep on writing.
PRIVATE ANDREW HARRIS'S VOICE SLURRED AS HIS BLOODY MOUTH DUG HIM DEEPER INTO TROUBLE,"I'M NOT ONE THOSE IDIOTS THAT GETS THEMSELVES KILLED AT THE FRONT FOR NO REASON.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Excellent story. Seen no mistakes. Keep on writing.
PRIVATE ANDREW HARRIS'S VOICE SLURRED AS HIS BLOODY MOUTH DUG HIM DEEPER INTO TROUBLE,"I'M NOT ONE THOSE IDIOTS THAT GETS THEMSELVES KILLED AT THE FRONT FOR NO REASON.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Thank you thee-name, for your kind review.
:) Mel.
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THANK YOU!
Comment from c_lucas
The renegade soldier sent out to assassinate the enemy by hook or by crook was a favorite among writers of action and thriller. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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The renegade soldier sent out to assassinate the enemy by hook or by crook was a favorite among writers of action and thriller. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Thank you Charlie, for your kind review.
:) Mel.
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You're welcome, Mel. Charlie
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You're welcome, Mel. Charlie
Comment from Zue65
You have painted the other side of the picture in war. The war created monsters who live only to kill people. These are the soldiers who find joy in killing and were given the license to kill under the guise of war. They deserved to die and death penalty is a deterrent to murderers who are no longer worth saving, like Private Harris.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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You have painted the other side of the picture in war. The war created monsters who live only to kill people. These are the soldiers who find joy in killing and were given the license to kill under the guise of war. They deserved to die and death penalty is a deterrent to murderers who are no longer worth saving, like Private Harris.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Thank you nassus 1957, for your kind review. You make a valid point there.
:) Mel.
Comment from ravenblack
Well-written , Harris like The Dirty Dozen in one man. I think maybe a little more backstory on Harris might make his selection to be a one man guerilla army more believable, maybe accounts of observed savagery in the field. Not a very sympathetic character- which is the point. Still, the officer's cavalier attitude about his execution is disturbing.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Well-written , Harris like The Dirty Dozen in one man. I think maybe a little more backstory on Harris might make his selection to be a one man guerilla army more believable, maybe accounts of observed savagery in the field. Not a very sympathetic character- which is the point. Still, the officer's cavalier attitude about his execution is disturbing.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Thank you ravenblack, for your kind review. It was war time and this Private Harris was a murderer of the worst type.
:) Mel.
Comment from garrymc5
Very satisfying story where men are used and use others.
Characterisation quite good.
Crisp, uncomplicated storyline suitable for short story mode.
Found 'I took my time as always, to become as one with the soil is all, as I stalked silently into the trench. ' needs a rewrite.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Very satisfying story where men are used and use others.
Characterisation quite good.
Crisp, uncomplicated storyline suitable for short story mode.
Found 'I took my time as always, to become as one with the soil is all, as I stalked silently into the trench. ' needs a rewrite.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Thank you Garrymc5, for your advice. I consider this as an important line because it defined the thoughts and methods of this murderous character. I should have devoted a little more thought to it. Below is the re-written line.
I stalked silently into the trench and took my time as always, to become as one with Mother Earth--that perfect disguise.
:) mel.
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Yep. Better.
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Thank you. :) mel.
Comment from MusingsOfMWH
A compelling (and disturbing, regarding the primary character's behavior) story of WWI. Good for the Allies that Captain Parker made his inquiries to activate his "secret weapon", but what you had the officer say was spot-on accurate; it would be inexcusable to let an unhinged madman loose out in the general populace after the war ended.
There was only one thing that slowed me down a bit: what you wrote--sixth of October 1915, right before Captain Parker debriefs Private Harris in the small French cafe near Reims--should that have said 1916 instead of 1915?
Other than that one minor numeral I wondered about, this was entertaining to read. Well done.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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A compelling (and disturbing, regarding the primary character's behavior) story of WWI. Good for the Allies that Captain Parker made his inquiries to activate his "secret weapon", but what you had the officer say was spot-on accurate; it would be inexcusable to let an unhinged madman loose out in the general populace after the war ended.
There was only one thing that slowed me down a bit: what you wrote--sixth of October 1915, right before Captain Parker debriefs Private Harris in the small French cafe near Reims--should that have said 1916 instead of 1915?
Other than that one minor numeral I wondered about, this was entertaining to read. Well done.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2015
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Thank you Musings, for pointing that out.
Yes, a mad dog should be put to sleep (any species). In my opinion this applies now-a-days as well.
:) mel.
Comment from chasennov
"~ SHOT AT DAWN ~ ~ ALMOST A HERO~" "~ I thought this story was well researched, as war stories go, and I liked the way you designed the narrative. An excellent read. Well done.
private Harris sat at a table p(l)aying solitaire.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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"~ SHOT AT DAWN ~ ~ ALMOST A HERO~" "~ I thought this story was well researched, as war stories go, and I liked the way you designed the narrative. An excellent read. Well done.
private Harris sat at a table p(l)aying solitaire.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Thank you chasennov, for your kind review.
:) Mel.
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You are most welcome, Mel.
Comment from bob cullen
This is an excellent write. Your characters were drawn superbly. The British officers were scant in their regard for the troops they despatched on unwinnable missions.
The soldier too was absolutely credible.
Yet another great posting that typifies the futility of war
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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This is an excellent write. Your characters were drawn superbly. The British officers were scant in their regard for the troops they despatched on unwinnable missions.
The soldier too was absolutely credible.
Yet another great posting that typifies the futility of war
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Thank you Bob, for your kind review.
Comment from Jacob Collins
You had me hooked from beginning to end with this piece. There was a good use of dialogue used here and the writing flowed easily. You also captured the imagery of the brutality of war well. An excellent piece.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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You had me hooked from beginning to end with this piece. There was a good use of dialogue used here and the writing flowed easily. You also captured the imagery of the brutality of war well. An excellent piece.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015
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Thank you Jacob, I'm glad you you liked it.
:) Mel.
