Comment from Carole Rosa

Excellent

Jan,
The voice inside of her must occupy her entire mind. The repetition makes your poetic words stand out in bold and glorious statements. These lines of thoughts produce feelings of strength and the bold color combination of the background proudly displays wisdom. In my opinion this is an excellent piece of work. Carole

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015

Thank you so much, Carole
jan

Comment from acerisestory

Excellent

Your poem is a strong and sensitive write, redfrdmom2. How wonderful that this young woman has finally broken out of her shell.

I very much like your repetition of "The voice inside her." It adds great impact to your thoughtfully chosen words. Your rhyming and fine use of enjambment adds a nice flow to your words.

Very well done! Thank you for sharing. Alana

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2015

thank you so much, Alana
jan

Comment from ExperiencingLiphe

Excellent

It's always a good thing when someone finds their voice. I think this would be a wonderful song. A new job for you? Songwriter? Wait, don't you have enough jobs? LOL. Great job friend

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015

well, you know, some pay better than others ...
jan

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

All of the stanzas except the last tell the reader about "her." The last stanza is the only one that allows "her" to share herself with another person. Sadly, there are many people like this. Happily she finally was able to break free of the jail she created for herself.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015

BeasPeas: I almost didn't add the last stanza but wanted to show that she has finally let her guard down enough to open up a bit
jan

reply by BeasPeas on 26-Jan-2015

I'm glad you added the last stanza as it wraps up the poem nicely in that she has come full circle and is working out of her isolation.

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

The inner voice is usually one's consciousness trying to set one on the correct path. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015

thanks, Charlie
jan

Comment from mshirachot

Excellent

That art illustrates this poem beautifully. One can imagine the floodgates opening to let in the healing waters of being heard.

I usually do not liek repetitive style poems, but this one also seemed to NEED the repetition as though it was the waves of the sea hammering against the shore.

Thank you for sharing!
Blessings,
Marsha

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015

thank you, Marsha - I can hear this song in my head, but because I can neither sing nor can write music, I doubt it will ever get to that stage
jan

Comment from MelB

Excellent

Beautifully written. I like the repeat of the voice inside her line and like that her voice is finally being heard now. How fitting with the flowing water artwork.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015

thank you, MelB
jan

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

This is a beautiful song. I am glad this young lady has found her voice. I will pray for her. God knows who she is. Thank you for sharing this with us.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015

thank you, barbara - she is a sweetheart - jan

Comment from mumsyone

Excellent

Hi Jan,

A beautiful poem/song. I'm assuming that you were the one who sat beside her and listened to her every word. God bless you or whoever did that. Great message in your well-written poem.

Lois

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015

yes, Lois - and once she started talking, I just listened and listened and listened - and have assured her I will always listen - jan

reply by mumsyone on 25-Jan-2015

That's wonderful, Jan. Good for you.

Comment from Cat of Letters

Excellent

I do not often review poetry.

I found this powerful and urgent. I did find the 'Interlude' a bit distracting.

I would put 'desperate to be restored' skipping the 'so'

I would also put 'burst out' rather than 'bust out'

Also would put 'has told that she belongs' rather than 'was told'

finally, really heard. Maybe you can strengthen this? 'at last really heard'?

I am not a poet, so reject any suggestion you feel not helpful.

Did enjoy it, powerful.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2015

thank you, Cat of Letters - I will go back and reflect on your suggestions - thanks so much for them - jan