Relief Pitcher
Who did you play baseball with when you were kids?32 total reviews
Comment from Writingfundimension
I really enjoyed reading this delightful contest entry. Though I am very impressed that you actually knew Bret Saberhagen, what I find even more impressive is your good humor in the face of being hassled and under-appreciated. Now that's class!
Good luck in the contest.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
  |
I really enjoyed reading this delightful contest entry. Though I am very impressed that you actually knew Bret Saberhagen, what I find even more impressive is your good humor in the face of being hassled and under-appreciated. Now that's class!
Good luck in the contest.
:) Bev
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
-
Thank you for your kind review. I laughed at myself. I thought the secondhand little league uniform would turn me into an athlete. Thanks for the contest well wishes.
-
You're welcome, Sis Cat.
Comment from Nosha17
That was an excellent story, my son used to love Brett Saberhagen, how would I have remembered his name otherwise? I lived for a while in New York State. That is a real claim to fame. I am sure everyone enjoys this story. Well narrated and described and with good message-the fact that he succumbed and agreed to your playing was important. I am a professional proof reader and spotted couple of errors, hope you don't mind: Para 6, if you say Brett resigned it sounds like he resigned from the team. You could say: He said, resignedly or He conceded/acquiesced. Para 8, This was my first.....Para 9, Dissension arose. Most enjoyable story, I will tell my son about you when I speak to him later. Faye
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
|
That was an excellent story, my son used to love Brett Saberhagen, how would I have remembered his name otherwise? I lived for a while in New York State. That is a real claim to fame. I am sure everyone enjoys this story. Well narrated and described and with good message-the fact that he succumbed and agreed to your playing was important. I am a professional proof reader and spotted couple of errors, hope you don't mind: Para 6, if you say Brett resigned it sounds like he resigned from the team. You could say: He said, resignedly or He conceded/acquiesced. Para 8, This was my first.....Para 9, Dissension arose. Most enjoyable story, I will tell my son about you when I speak to him later. Faye
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
-
Thank you, Nosha17, fo your kind review and corrections. I corrected them. Be sure to share with your son the video of my performance of this story. Cheers.
Comment from c_lucas
Even the greats had to start out somewhere. A young man's adventure is the high point of his life. Who hasn't mentioned growing up with a celebrity. This is well written.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
|
Even the greats had to start out somewhere. A young man's adventure is the high point of his life. Who hasn't mentioned growing up with a celebrity. This is well written.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
-
Thank you, c_lucas, for your kind review. I would be embarrassed to meet Bret today because he would say, "Yes, I remember you. You were the kid who wore a little league uniform to school and thought he knew how to play baseball. Take a look at my World Series ring."
-
You're welcome, SC. Charlie
Comment from ravenblack
Everyone has their brush with greatness, but not everyone had a hand in shaping it and whether you realize it or not, you dud. I can hear this being read aloud/performed. Excellent story.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
|
Everyone has their brush with greatness, but not everyone had a hand in shaping it and whether you realize it or not, you dud. I can hear this being read aloud/performed. Excellent story.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
-
Thank you, ravenblack, for your kind review. Comments like yours prompted me to buy my ticket for our nation's largest storytelling competition and make a third attempt this Thursday to be picked to tell this story. Cheers.
Comment from GWinterwin
What a beautiful story of old school play mates many years ago. I truly enjoyed it very much. I will watch the video for sure. you did a great job of telling your story.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
|
What a beautiful story of old school play mates many years ago. I truly enjoyed it very much. I will watch the video for sure. you did a great job of telling your story.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
-
Thank you, GWinterwin, for your kind review. The reason why I did a great job telling this story is because I have to tell it from memory in front of audiences at storytelling events. The same tricks I use to hook audience members apply to readers. I hope you watch my video.
Comment from Jay Squires
Andre! I watched the video and am impressed equally by your presence on stage as your riveting style as a writer.
Your story here is told with wit and charm. An excellent job.
I still don't know where Sis Cat comes in!!
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
|
Andre! I watched the video and am impressed equally by your presence on stage as your riveting style as a writer.
Your story here is told with wit and charm. An excellent job.
I still don't know where Sis Cat comes in!!
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
-
Thank you, Jay, for your kind review and for watching my video. Sis Cat is my alter ego. It is the name of a little known African American folk heroine--a wily female cat that uses stealth, trickery, and wit to get what it wants (usually ham, fish, or a rat). Sis Cat is the female counterpart of the African American folk hero Brer Rabbit. "Sis Cat" was also the favorite folktale of Zora Neale Hurston, an anthropologist who had to use her wiles like a cat in order to collect folktale in the Deep South in the 1920's. Hurston closed her folktale anthology "Mules and Men" by retelling the story of "Sis Cat" and applying the lesson to herself.
-
Brer Rabbit I remember from my youth about being thrown in a briar patch. Never heard the "Sis Cat" counterpart. Thanks for the history lesson.
I had good high school friends who went on into the majors and a young Mark Brunell who I coached in little league, and who went on to be the quarterback for the Jaguars and later the Redskins and finally the Jets, before Sanchez ousted him.
Comment from TOMORAL
My heart broke for Andre, and I am guessing that was you. I am a girl, but I was never picked for school teams either. I loved the ending though. You were proud to have known a great pitcher like Bret.
Very well written and best of luck in the contest. A fine entry for such.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
|
My heart broke for Andre, and I am guessing that was you. I am a girl, but I was never picked for school teams either. I loved the ending though. You were proud to have known a great pitcher like Bret.
Very well written and best of luck in the contest. A fine entry for such.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
-
Yes, Tomoral, I am that Andre. I am glad you identified with my story which is the story of most of the children in the world who will not grow up to become Bret Saberhagens. Nevertheless, I am proud that one of us made it off the playground to the World Series. Thank you for the contest wishes.
Comment from nomi338
This story resonates very strongly within me as I learned early in my life that famous people did not start out as famous people. Most of the people that they know outside their professional life are just ordinary people. I was in US Air Force basic training with a guy who claimed to be one of James Brown's Famous Flames. No one believed him until one day I was summoned to the rec center on base to view a performance by the one and only James Brown, his band and backup group, the Famous Flames. He called from the audience to perform the person who had said that he was indeed a member of the group. I learned that day that It was not impossible to know someone who became famous.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
|
This story resonates very strongly within me as I learned early in my life that famous people did not start out as famous people. Most of the people that they know outside their professional life are just ordinary people. I was in US Air Force basic training with a guy who claimed to be one of James Brown's Famous Flames. No one believed him until one day I was summoned to the rec center on base to view a performance by the one and only James Brown, his band and backup group, the Famous Flames. He called from the audience to perform the person who had said that he was indeed a member of the group. I learned that day that It was not impossible to know someone who became famous.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
-
Yes, I am glad that my story strongly resonated with you. I enjoyed hearing your story about one of the Famous Flames. Nearly forty years later, I still try to wrap my head around the fact that I grew up and played with Bret. Last year, Bret, now a man my age, walked onto the field of Royals Statium to throw the first ball of Game 7 of the World Series between the Kansas City Royals and the San Francisco Giants. I cannot help but to look at him and think, "I knew him when." Thanks for your review.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
An incredible story, so well told/written that your audience/readers were right there in the playground taking it all in. Superb story telling and I can see why people wou;ld pay to listen to your genius of unravelling a tale.
If I had any suggestion to you at all, it would be in the early portion of this story. You end a sentence and begin the next with 'Bret.' I'd suggest replacing the second with a pronoun--HE--as it is obvious who you are talking about. You might also consider replacing one of the 'athletic' with physical where the word is repeated in close proximity. You may have done so intentionally for emphasis and I'm sure that works orally, but I'd take a second look. Otherwise perfect and inspiring. Love the last line.
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
 |
An incredible story, so well told/written that your audience/readers were right there in the playground taking it all in. Superb story telling and I can see why people wou;ld pay to listen to your genius of unravelling a tale.
If I had any suggestion to you at all, it would be in the early portion of this story. You end a sentence and begin the next with 'Bret.' I'd suggest replacing the second with a pronoun--HE--as it is obvious who you are talking about. You might also consider replacing one of the 'athletic' with physical where the word is repeated in close proximity. You may have done so intentionally for emphasis and I'm sure that works orally, but I'd take a second look. Otherwise perfect and inspiring. Love the last line.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2015
-
Thank you, Spiritual Echo, for your kind, six star review. I looked at your suggestions and you are right that the repetitions of Bret and athletic do not make sense in a written story where the words are in close proximity. Given that this is an oral story (watch my video), I use repetitions so that the audience in a packed theater can understand me. Repetitions create rhythm as I deliver my lines like spoken word poetry. Repetition also helps me remember a story. (Storytellers are not allowed to read their stories at these events.) If "Relief Pitcher" started as a story intended to be read on the page, eliminating repetition would make sense. Since "Relief Pitcher" started as a story to be seen and heard on stage, I keep the repetitions.
The reason why my last line is strong is because storytelling event producers instruct storytellers to end their stories with a line the audience will remember. I just bought my ticket this evening to make a third attempt to tell this story at the largest storytelling contest in America, the Moth Storyslam.
Cheers.
Comment from Chrisfiore
Greetings Sis Cat,
Well, congratulations! Your story wrestled a six from me and that is no easy task! I am generally pretty stingy with them. As an interesting side note, I come from Ft. Myers, Fl. Where the Royals used to have their spring training camp. When they won that series, they pulled out to acquire a new facility, abandoning Terry Park and all its faded glory. But. They trained there for quite some time... ;- ) Chrisfiore
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
|
Greetings Sis Cat,
Well, congratulations! Your story wrestled a six from me and that is no easy task! I am generally pretty stingy with them. As an interesting side note, I come from Ft. Myers, Fl. Where the Royals used to have their spring training camp. When they won that series, they pulled out to acquire a new facility, abandoning Terry Park and all its faded glory. But. They trained there for quite some time... ;- ) Chrisfiore
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
-
Chrisfiore, Thank you for your kind, six star review. I am sorry the Royals pulled out of Ft. Myers after they won that World Series. Seems like your town was left on the bench just as Bret left me on the bench decades ago. Cheers.
-
You know, it's funny but... Now we have the Boston Red Sox AND the Minnesota Twins! Go figure!
